Conflicting Thoughts

Yesterday was a pretty busy day, which is good and bad. i still seem to tire easy these days, but with it being busy, time seems to go by quicker. i got on the treadmill last night for 30 min, man how i forgot what it felt like..ugh.. was so happy to see that time hit 0:00! i so need to get back into shape or i will never be able to keep up to my Master...lol
Last night i had a task to make my husband cum which i did, riding the cushion that holds the wand and sitting on my dildo while sucking him. i had to take charge last night, which i'm always fairly reluctant to do, but it seems to work for him, so as instructed by my Master, i took charge and had it go the way my Master planned. i was allowed to cum as much as i liked on my cushion and to put on a little show for my husband to help him along. It worked and before long he was cumming on my chest. i rubbed it in, then put things away and went to bed pleasuring myself before going to sleep.
This morning i woke still tired, but laid in bed lazily pleasuring while my husband showered, when he got out i went and showered and brought myself to orgasm in the shower. Master is trying to get me back to where i was before all the set backs and in doing so has reinstated my pleasuring in the morning and at night and also 1 orgasm in the shower. i'm glad to be back into a routine, makes my life much easier to deal with even if its not all back in order, its getting there.
Now something that has been an issue from the beginning began to fade before the set backs, but is now back, is the fact that it annoys me at times when my husband uses me. The reason i think is two fold. One, is that it brings back memories of me always pleasuring him and getting nothing in return and two is the fact that he seems to not be able to cum unless i suck and or stroke him. i guess its a feeling of not being appealing enough for him to get off just fucking me. For years i thought it was me, well my cunt to be exact. i always worried maybe i was too lose or something. Well as i have come to find out that isn't the case at all and Master actually laughed at me when i asked him if he could feel my muscles working the first time we met. i have cum so hard that i have pushed my Masters cock out or my muscles work so tight that it makes it difficult to get in and the cock has to push past them. So what is his problem? Who knows, maybe he jerks off too much or has watched too much porn that the only way he gets off is that he imagines he's watching a video instead of it actually happening to him, shrugs... i don't know.
Master sets my use or fucking by my husband as a task to make it easier for me, and most times it is. But sometimes it still bothers me. Its a task, plain and simple, get the job done as instructed and be done with it and with it being set by my Master, i have no right to let it annoy me, so i end up fighting my feelings on it. i know its necessary to keep my husband happy, and Master and i are now seeing a pattern in that if i take control, he can cum, if he does it his way, most often he can't. How am i feeling about all this, i'm not sure to be honest, sometimes i think it would be easier to yes just take control and keep him happy, other times i feel as if for all he has put me through, he doesn't deserve it. But it is not for me to decide and Master will make the right decisions and help me to keep on track.