Normal Working Day Routine

Today's blog is a little different, below you will find my "typical" routine i follow on a daily basis. At times it changes slightly depending on the circumstance, but generally it is as follows:

0600 Get Up and dress for exercise 

0605 Wee, drink, gather things for exercise 

0610 To be logged on and on cam, begin exercising 

0635 Shower and orgasm in shower 

0645 Check weather, dress appropriately as per instructions, dry and tie back hair 

0700 - 0800 Place computer in the kitchen, logged in so that Master can turn on my cam, prepare breakfast and lunches for both my son and i, inspected by Master if he is on. Log food in food diary 

0800 Lock cunt or leave open if instructed and take son to the bus, log into phone and turn on gps 

0805- 1200 Arrive at work, log onto computer as soon as possible, begin working, message Master when i wee, milk and put lock back on. Talk with Master if he is on. Should i have to leave work for any reason, message Master and tell him if he is not on, log onto phone and gps and when i get back, relog on the computer. Write blog if there is time, if not do so at night. Leave messages for my Master if and as required 

1200 – 1230 Eat Lunch, log food in food diary 

1230 – 1700 Continue working and doing as above. 

1700 Leave work, log on phone and gps 

1705 - 2100 Arrive home and when possible log onto computer. Prepare dinner, tidy up, log food in food diary, talk to Master if he is on. Spend time with my son, get him ready and put to bed. Do some chores if needed. Relax watching TV, reading, anything till bed time 

2100 Be ready for bed, do any tasks that have been assigned, comfort and then sleep.

A Work in Progress

It's been a little while since i've written, mostly because life had interrupted, but also, because there hasn't been much to talk about really.
A few days ago, Master told me that i could expect to be cumming a lot more often than i had be and to be prepared for it, and i thought i was... but i was wrong. i have said before how it's frustrating to me because i feel like i can't serve my Master the way i should be and have talked about all the silly things that go through my mind because of this. Master has been very patient with me in that he has not punished me for those thoughts or feelings, at least not yet... smiles. But the last few days, Master has been showing me how i do serve and please him in many ways that i never really thought before. One thing my Master loves to do is watch me cumming and this is the primary reason i am spoiled the way i am when it comes to orgasms. Another of my Master's favourite pass times, is to just have me "pose" as he wishes and just look at me while i hold that position for as long as he wishes. 
Last night, Master put a twist on both those things. i have been back to my exercises and also did a lot of heavy lifting yesterday, and my body was feeling it already. Master had me stand, get my little bullet and position it inside my pants so that i could stand with my legs closed and my hands behind my head, elbows back. With the bullet buzzing away merrily on my clit, my Master had me stand in that position while he spoke to me. Now at first thought, it didn't seem it would be that hard, but as the minutes passed, the pleasure radiating from my clit was slowly being drowned by the muscles in my arms and legs aching and beginning to knot. Master had me hold that position for quite a while, correcting me if i began to slouch or my elbows came forwards. Finally he allowed me to cum, and i came very very hard, and the double edged sword reared its ugly head.
As the orgasm hit, my muscles were screaming for release and then the orgasm just continued to go on and on and i realized there was no end in sight. Even while cumming i had to maintain the position fighting the need to move my limbs. Master then allowed me to put my arms down and put them behind my back, at first i thought, thank god, they were about to fall off, then as i positioned them behind my back, crossing my wrists over, i felt a new pain in my muscles. The pain, like the orgasm, was just not letting up. Master had me cum again and again, my arms moved from behind me to being out from my sides, shoulder height, they felt like lead and i had to concentrate on keeping them up. The sweat was forming and i could feel my body shaking both from the pleasure of the orgasms sweeping over me and the pain that was filling me. Master ordered me to gush, i gush very hard, my body trembling even more, i could feel charlie horses start in my thighs and i was close to tears.
Finally, Master allowed me to put my hands on my hips, a very welcome relief, the pain beginning to subside as the last waves of orgasm ran through my body. i was quivering and trying to catch my breath when he allowed me to sit and relax. Master just smiled at me and said, i told you this would happen, and you can expect much more of it.
This morning doing my exercises was quite painful and i am still very sore, i know it is good for me, as it shows me i am working, but still and all, it hurts, but worth every ounce of pain!

Some Changes on the Way...

So as i've said previously, i'm on the mend and things are as "normal" as they will be for awhile and Master has said it is time to get back to where we were before all the interruptions. i am back to my dieting, exercising, dressing properly, wearing my lock, with a slight change. Because i wear my lock to work and often have to walk in a fairly quiet place, you can hear the "chinking" of the lock on the rings as i walk. Now because the point of me wearing the lock is for me to be unavailable and not to get me caught out, Master has allowed me to wear knickers to work with my lock, or any other place it might get heard.
Now i have always had issues with my breasts, i really really dislike them, but Master loves them. i have often said, if someone had told me what breastfeeding can do to your breasts, i'm not sure i would have. But in all honesty, i would have, i wouldn't trade those close moments with my son, but i would change the effect on my breasts! i also know that the breastfeeding alone has not caused them to be the way they are, i have yo-yo'd with my weight since i was a teen. The largest i've been in my adult years is about a size 20 and the smallest, about a 9. So age, skin elasticity and countless other factors have contributed to it. But anyway, long and short of it is, the only time i can remember really liking my breasts was when i was breastfeeding and they were full of milk. They pretty much held their own and were known to pop a button or two.
A long time ago, my Master and i discovered that i still actually produce a little milk, even after all this time, i was surprised. At that time, Master decided i should try to re-lactate. i began trying to pump when possible and used nipple stimulation to try to get it started again, but nothing was seeming to work. Mind you, things always seemed to come up and postpone it happening, so we just let it go to the wayside.
In that last few days, Master has been talking to me about it and i am going to start over again. i have researched it and even without prescription drugs, it is highly possible. All you need is a pump and sheer determination. i am excited about the prospect of being able to lactate again. The thought of my breasts being milked by my Master, me being able to give him even more of myself makes me feel very excited about it.
Just when i think i have nothing more to give, Master always finds a way... smiles

Back at it...

Well it's been a while since i posted, largely due to the fact i have been pretty ill and ordered bed rest as much as possible. Thankfully today i feel i am on the mend and getting back to my routine. On the diet front, i have lost another 2 pounds so am getting close to my first "goal", that being the lightest i have been with my Master, only 2 more pounds to go!!
Since i last posted, not a whole lot has happened really. my Master recently got to visit with a friend of his and his girl. i was very happy for him to have the break, but yes extremely envious as i wanted to be there too. Master was very good about it all and assured me that even if he didn't have connection, which he wasn't sure he would, that we would be fine. Of course i knew this to be true, but, being ill didn't help matters. i just wanted my Master to be there and care for me, even though, given the distance he can't. Anyways, it was nice though, he did have connection, and they included me when possible, by turning on the laptop and the 4 of us talking together. It was really difficult the first day as it sunk in that he was there and i wasn't and yes i fought back tears, but i was determined not to ruin my Master's holiday with my childishness. Over the days he was there, we were able to talk quite often and even fall asleep "together" on occasion, both of us leaving our computers on so we could watch the other sleeping. 
Before he left, my Master asked angel to come and visit me and to do something for him. Shortly after she arrived, she took me by the face and kissed my forehead, something i knew came from my Master, she said your Master wants you to know that he loves you and is here with you. Of course that made me smile and my heart skip a beat. Then when our visit was over, she took me to my bed and tucked me in. i laid propped up by pillows, then she pushed the blanket in all around me, "binding" me in my blanket, placed my arms over the blanket at my side, and again something i knew that had come from my Master.
During a previous visit with my Master, i ended up ill and Master had done the same thing to me, tucked me in tightly and then went into town to do some things, he was gone for a few hours and when he returned not only had a slept peacefully, i had not moved an inch from where he left me. Tucked into bed, warm thoughts of my Master filling my mind, i drifted off to sleep. i awoke a few hours later feeling slightly better.
Master had a very good time away and was mixed about going home. It's a feeling i think all of us that have to hide who we are feel when we have to stop being our true selves and be who everyone thinks and expects us to be. It's not a nice feeling at all and one i have experience several times over to varying degrees. i have had such strong feelings about wanting to just be me, the real me, that i have had the urge to not get on that plane or back in the car. Then reality sinks in and the face of my son flashes through my mind and i remind myself i have responsibilities at home and it is why i have chosen to live my life the way i must, with the sprinkling of how i want added to the top. Sometimes it's a feeling that can last hours or even days, but it does go away. Followed shortly by the prospect of planning another visit as soon as is possible.
i have to say, that not once during these times of "coming down" when i feel like hiding beneath the covers and not coming out, have i questioned why i chose the hard road with Master. i believed then and still firmly believe today that the path that we have chosen is the right path and would not change it for anything. (well... in a perfect world of course i would...lol) Master and i believe that the welfare of our children come first and foremost and nothing will change that. Master says that the only one that outranks him is my son...lol... just one of the many reasons i love my Master so.

Forgotten...

This morning Master and i got some time alone before i had to go to work, something we don't often get these days. i haven't been feeling well, coming down with a cold or something and with that comes feelings of sadness and missing my Master more than usual. i try not to let it get to me and just plug away at the daily things that need doing. But this morning, Master got my emotions soaring.
After putting my son on the bus, i readied myself for Master, waiting for him kneeling on the bed, naked with only my collar on. Master came on and was happy to see me there waiting for him as i should be. Master instructed me to get out the cock and my wand. He said i had forgotten just how hard i cum for him when he fucks me... he was right. First thing Master did was inspect me, again something we haven't had the luxury of doing in quite some time, yes he has been able to inspect parts of me, but not fully. i presented myself standing, hands behind me and was told to turn and to open my bottom for inspection, i do so immediately, Master was pleased and had me turn again and present my cunt, spread wide for him to see. Once completed my Master had me show him my feet, which are in better shape than they were, as i had worked on them last night and this morning...lol Now to ensure that my feet are properly kept, Master has come up with an idea, after presenting my feet, i must lick between each toe, if that is not possible because of RL, then i have to rub between each toe with my finger then suck on my finger. Well let me tell you that's a really good way to ensure one's feet are clean..lol
When he had finished inspecting me, he had me get on the bed and wet the cock and put the tip just at the opening of my cunt. He spoke to me reminding me of what happens when he drives into me, the fact that i cum instantly and that it happens no matter what, there has not been a time when he has done this that i have not cum. Finally, he said thrust it in deep, and i did, and i came hard. He had me withdraw it and do it again, and again i came, harder than the last time. He asked me to rate the intensity of the orgasm, it was at an 8 quickly reaching 9. He had me pull it out then begin fucking hard and fast, this sent my body into a non stop rolling orgasm, pushing the number higher and higher, it was most definitely at a 10 now. He smiled and said, now, you're going even further. Turn the wand on and put it on your clit and fuck hard and fast. As soon as that wand began buzzing on my clit, my world began to fall in on me, the orgasm kept building and building in intensity, the wand put on high, my toes began to curl, my legs shaking, hard to talk, it quickly reached 20. Then Master had me get on my knees, head down, fuck with the cock and hold the wand on low on my clit, in this position my orgasm continued on an upward swing, i could feel my Master behind me pounding into me, his cock filling me with each thrust, my muscles working feverishly on his cock, the orgasm squeezing him and making his fucking me even harder, now at a 30, i was turned around again kneeling on the cock and instructed to ride it. Ride it i did! i rode it hard, feeling the length of it entering me then leaving and filling me again. The wand on my clit making it ready to explode, it caused the pressure inside me to build fast and i was about to explode then given permission, i felt my body erupt and i gushed on the cock. i continued riding the cock, my body quivering, legs ready to give out, my mind not quite clear. my orgasm reached at least a 40! With that in mind, my orgasm scale is 1 - 10, so i need to "recalibrate" my estimation of them..lol

Master had me take the cock out and relax, let my body settle. It took a little while to feel like i was "back". Master there smiling at me knowing i remembered now.

i quickly got dressed and ready for work and headed out, feeling many things. i got to work and Master and i talked for a while, he is going away on Friday for the weekend, and i so wish i could go with him. He is not sure that he will have internet there just yet, so that has me feeling a bit hmm... uneasy, i hate not being able to talk to him, let alone not see him. After chatting for a while, Master asked me why i was upset. i wasn't sure, i mean i'm not really sure i was/am upset, i couldn't put it into words. Master, knowing me better than i know myself, had the answer. It was in part that i am simply just missing him a lot atm and the other part is that when i feel the power of my Master's love, be it when he is fucking me, whipping me, punishing me or making love to me, i get over whelmed and this time i think it was more because i HAD forgotten the strength of it, because life has taken over so much lately. 
Sighs... regardless of how it leaves me feeling atm, i would never not want to feel it, i need it, and by this afternoon or tomorrow, i will be feeling the joy i always do in the days following time alone with Master.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

To me a picture is worth a thousand words and more. You see, i have struggled with remembering things for a while now. Things that are not so important at times, but also things that are VERY important. Over the last few years with my Master, we would discuss things and he would be shocked that i didn't remember them. And i'm talking things that one should remember. As in the order in which things happened and how they happened.
Here's just the latest example. The blog i wrote about being used and with another girl, it took me nearly all day to remember the sequence of things and it was just a few days before!!! Not only do i have trouble remembering the sequence, i forget key things that happen.
Master has come to realize just how bad my memory is. i have struggled with it and it frustrates me to no end. i would feel devastated when i wouldn't remember something Master did to me when we were together, or how and when something happened. To me, it looked like i didn't care enough or it didn't matter enough for me to remember, and i think for my Master he may have felt that at times, i'm not entirely sure. But he could tell by the look on my face that i was telling the truth when i would say i couldn't remember. Master now laughs and says that my hard drive gets erased when i get fucked...lol. He may well be right, but it still really upsets me to the point of tears sometimes.
In all the times we have been together, Master and i forget to take pictures, well we have a few, but not many and he would say, "We don't need them, we have the memories in our minds", and i could feel the tears well up because most of the time i didn't! Because of this, Master has assured me that from now on we will take a lot of pictures when we are together so that i can have those memories too.
i hate the fact that i can't replay things in my mind, i can sometimes and sometimes things are so clear, but then other times its just a faint memory or a blur. i wish there was something i could do about it, but i'm afraid there isn't. 

To Dare To Love...

To dare to love is to know you will grieve... this girl dared to love.
That line was in my profile when i met my Master and it spoke volumes to him when he read it. It still speaks volumes to me today, i think it always will. Whether you grieve the loss of the person, the loss of the relationship or the loss of the love, you will grieve that loss. But in the end, is it really worth it?
That is a question that has been put to me several times and the answer has always been the same, yes... it is worth it. 
i have over the years lost what i thought was love and i grieved  it, but in the last 3 years, i have learned the true meaning of love and being loved. It is the most sacred feeling i think one can have. At times my heart is so filled with love i feel as if i can't breath and i might just explode. Other times, i have felt love so strongly that i implode, go loopy i guess and don't know what to do with that feeling. i get giddy, i cry, i have a total melt down sometimes, but in the end i would still say yes it's worth it.
Each time my Master and i have been able to meet in person, i feel so free in being me and dread having to leave and return to my "normal" life. And when i do leave, i grieve the loss of that feeling, the loss of being with my Master physically and it's very hard, no doubt, but it is the choice we have made and i wouldn't change it. Yes of course if i could wave a magic wand and make things the way i wanted, i would do it in a heartbeat, but we all know that isn't possible.
Do i get angry and frustrated? Of course i do, there are days when i would just leave it all behind, save for my son, and hop on a plane and live my life the way i wanted to, would my Master, yes i think he would too. But life isn't that easy and we haven't chosen the easy road. Even far apart, we are close together than most are and i do think that in part, it is because we are apart. Emotions and feelings must be expressed in words because we can't always see each other to be able to read and sense how the other is feeling, although my Master seems to still be able to do it...lol He knows me better than i know myself.
While my journey has been filled with ups and downs, its been the best ride of my life. It has allowed me to find me again. The girl that was lost, stumbling around in the dark, is now shining brighter than ever. Sometimes i want to shout it out loud, tell the whole world who i am and how lucky i am to have been taken by such a wonderful Master and moulded into who i am today....though if i did, it wouldn't be such a good thing...lol The men in white coats might just come...hmmm... although... they do have straight jackets... grins
The reason for this blog today is that i am locked, with no knickers and Master and i were talking about it, as it causes a little pain as the lock shifts when i walk. He asked if i liked the lock and i said i did, and that it made me very aware of it, this pleased him because he had what he wanted. But also, i was not keen on the  pain it sometimes caused. His reply was..."The price is a little pain"... to which i replied.. " isn't that always the cost Master?"
This girl knows one day she will grieve, but for all the happiness before it, it is well worth the cost to me.