Not Such a Great Start to the Morning... But Getting Better

So Monday is upon me yet again, faster than i wanted it to be. Last night i was to fuck my husband, ride him using the wand and cumming 5 times. Then if after that he hadn't cum, i would allow him to stroke and cum on my breasts. Master knowing i was very tired, said i didn't have to take a pic and could just go straight to sleep afterwards. i got up and got ready to go to bed, my husband was still up so i asked if he'd come to bed with me, he wasn't ready, so i said, well don't be to long or you might miss out. i went to bed and fell asleep, he came in some time after 11:00pm and i woke, so i asked if he was tired, he said yes, i said too tired for sex? and his reply was he'd try. He wasn't hard so i stroked him till he was, then climbed on top of him and started to ride him, my back to him, facing his feet. i used the wand and also used it on his cock, which he seems to like and i came twice, we moved in different directions and his cock came out, i reached back to put it back in and he was soft. i got off him and said, hmm, seems you are too tired, he said i guess so. So i rolled over and went to sleep much later than i normally do.
This morning the alarm went off and i got out of bed and headed downstairs to do my exercises, really really not wanting to, only wanting to curl back up in bed and hide from the world. Master was on and i got to my workout, but he knew something wasn't right. i started to explain what had happened and he had to log. i went back up and got my son up, who apparently was in the same mood as i was since i had to fight him on everything this morning to get him off to school. In the meantime Master came on and i explained what had happened and he said it was okay and that it wasn't my fault if my husband wasn't interested.
The last little while has been very difficult, i have not wanted to go to work and want to just do what i want to do. And that is spend time with my Master, since he now has more time. It just seems our schedules are not matching up at all and its getting really really frustrating.
i dressed and went off to work without checking the days forecast, so i wore leggings, knickers, bra, long top and was locked. When i got to work Master was still on and asked me to repeat what i was wearing, it was the same except the addition of my corset. Then he showed me the weather report for the week, it was to be 26C here today. He then asked why i was wearing knickers. i replied that i was because i was locked. He then reminded me that i was to take knickers with me and if i needed to, because the lock was moving too much and hurting me, then i could put them on, otherwise i was to be knickerless. Once reminded, i did remember the conversation, but had honestly forgotten it. Then was the question of the leggings, it was not cold out therefore i shouldn't be wearing any. If my top had been slightly longer, i would have been in just my top. But because it wasn't, Master had me take them off and cut the crotch out of them, then put them back on. He then had me sit and instructed me to show him my knickers, which i held up to the cam, i then had to put them in my mouth. Master spoke to me, told me he loved me and explained the reasons for these rules and that i needed a harsh reminder so as not to forget again. How was i feeling at this point? Really frustrated and angry with myself. i thinl honestly there is something wrong with me some days. i sat there, knickers in my mouth, cut leggings and felt the size of a pea. i don't do these things on purpose, i really don't. And to start my week off with Master like this, i felt devastated.
Master had me take the knickers out, then looked at me and asked what was wrong, besides, the obvious. Wow, where to begin! There just seems so much these days and i HATE having to admit it and let it get to me. But it is past the point of me being able to cope with it as i have been. i tried voicing it all but all of it never comes out. Thankfully, Master knows me as well as he does, and often knows what is going on before i do.
Something that has been at the back of my mind lately i suppose is the fact that Master has a lot more time now than i do. What if he gets fed of up waiting for me? What if he gets bored? It's not fair to him that i am not giving him what he deserves from me, even though he does understand its not intentional. my greatest fear, aside from something happening to my son, is that i no longer have Master. The thought, even now brings tears to my eyes and i find it difficult to breath. Master smiled and said that wasn't going to happen, i am giving him what i can and that is what he needs. Yes, he may play with or use other girls, but he is not out to replace me. i guess sometimes i just need to hear those words, even though i know it in my heart, i need to hear it.
Master sat and looked at me a long while, taking in the despair i was feeling, then told me to unlock and open my legs wide. i then had to spank my cunt 10 times each time a little harder. He looked at me again watching my face for reaction, then instructed me to start smacking again even harder than last time, which i did, my cunt stinging, burning aching, i did as i was told. Again he stopped me and looked at me seeing that i was past the point of crying, unable to, he told me to cry for him. And to my surprise (though i shouldn't be surprised) i did and it felt so good, so freeing, i could feel some of the weight lifting.
Tears running from my eyes, my Master smiling at me, i could feel his love radiating through me. i had needed to cry but had been unable, yes i had a little cry the other night, but i needed more. my Master's love fills me up so much that it makes it hard to think it at times. It's a love i have never felt before, a love i never want to lose. Master allowed me to cry for a while, letting me release some of the stresses and just sat speaking to me calmly and helping me to deal with it. i still have a hard time admitting when i am struggling and i'm not sure why that is, i know Master would be there to help me, but i still have a hard time of it.
After i had calmed and got myself back together, Master instructed me to begin stroking my clit, he began taking me to my rock, a place i haven't been for a while and need to be. Master allowed me to cum several times, each time a little stronger than the last. For a while, all i could focus on was his voice, my vision goes a bit blurry, which makes it difficult to watch for people coming in...lol Master had me cumming strong, then told me to gush for him and i did. i gushed and came so very hard and it wouldn't stop. i kept cumming and with each orgasm, i could feel myself returning, feeling a little more and more myself. The stress beginning to leave me and a calm overtaking me.
Master told me it was over and i could relax and calm. Afterwards, i felt much better and Master could see it too. i am still feeling a bit disjointed, but nothing like this morning. i'm sitting here smiling, watching my Master prepare the evening meal, it looks so yummy and he's drinking a glass of wine. Gosh i could use a drink...lol

Tasks

Today my husband was in the mood for sex, my son being out all day at a friends gave him the thought to have sex in the afternoon... ugh. Well i still had an outstanding task, so i left a message for my Master asking if i could do that task this afternoon rather than tonight. When my Master logged he granted me permission. So i went and dressed in a bra, knickers and heels, then came out and told my husband that if we hurried, we would get a quickie in before our son came home. He was of course all for it.
Getting into the bedroom i bent over the bed and  raising my bottom up, i reached through my legs and stroked him a few times to make sure he was hard, i then directed his cock towards my cunt. He entered me and began fucking me, i used my wand and came two times, each time repeating in my head, "i love you Master, i submit to you Master". It didn't take long for my husband to cum inside me and then he pulled out and was finished. i said no, you're not finished and laid back on the bed and said i want you to lick me. i put my hand down and slipped a finger between my lips gathering some of the cum and then stroking my clit with it.
i really wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but i can't say that it shocked me when he got down on his knees and started licking me. He licked for a while then used his finger to fuck me, to which i said, no use your tongue... and again, he did. So he licked me for a while, and then i said, we had better get going. So got up, he went to the bathroom and i took the pics i am required and sent them to my Master. i had a few minutes to talk to my Master just after then i had to leave.
Tonight Master asked me how i felt about it, and i said i didn't really feel anything, but  i wasn't completely repulsed, which i thought i would be, but i wasn't excited by it either. Then Master asked me if i thought i'd be excited if it was someone else's cum he was cleaning up? And i had to answer yes, i think i would be, not by the fact that he was cleaning me up, just more that it wasn't his. And to be honest, i can't explain exactly why that is either, well not yet.
Master has given me another task for tonight, and that is to go to bed, use my wand, cum and then go to sleep, with my husband laying next to me, and not to say anything, just do it. If he talks to me, just tell him to wait, or hush. If he has a hard cock, then i am to tell him to get on his back, then get on him and ride while using my wand till i cum then get off him and go to sleep.

i Just...

Today i just want to run away, hop and plane and be with my Master. i need to feel the crop till i am a sobbing puddle on the floor, to be bound tight and go to my rock, fucked, used in every way possible, then to be taken into his arms and loved.
It feels like since forever since we have been together, it hasn't really been that long, just feels it. i need to be grounded, to feel whole, to be ME. 
i just want things back the way they were before life interrupted us. i know we are working our way back there, i feel his grip of control tighter these days and while i'm doing my best to adjust, i don't dislike it, in fact, i want it, need it, love it.
i know one day soon we will have time together and i will feel better, but then i also know it sends me on a totally different roller coaster of emotions. When i feel my Masters love as strongly as i do at those times, i hit a high, then a low. Master says it erases my hard-drive...lol i think he is right, my mind goes blank and i forget all kinds of things.
But, i would easily take the wipe out for that time alone with my Master. In the meantime, Master keeps this girl on an even keel, making sure i do what i am supposed to and following the rules. i have said many times to my Master that i don't know how he puts up with this crazy girl, who is slightly manic...lol He simply smiles and says, "it's easy, you are my Pleasure".
"my Pleasure" those two little words bring a whole world of light to this girl when she needs it, i really am very lucky.

Big Girls Don't Cry... yes we do...

For the last 2 days i've had this strange feeling, i can't put it into words, not exactly pin point what the feeling is. But it hit me last night, i want to cry. Why? i don't know, i just feel the need to. Now i'm not a "crier" and before i met my Master, i rarely cried, i mean it, very rarely, how could i show my weakness to others? Even the first time my Master asked me to cry for him, it took a while, but then the flood gates opened. It was the first time in a very long time i had cried in front of anyone, i mean other than say at a funeral. But crying in front of my Master was a relief. i could make all those ugly crying faces and he still loved me, red eyed, snotty nosed, bloated face, didn't matter, he was there with his smiling face to bring me back after a good cry.
my life has been so hectic and my world turned upside down for a long time now and i can sort of see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel now. Master has tightened his grip on me and gotten me back into a regime, i am beginning to feel some semblance of order in my life again. i suppose its all a mixture of what has transpired over the last while that i need to feel that release. i have been missing my Master so very much lately, we seem to not get a lot of time together so that factors into it. i haven't been feeling well or getting much sleep. my days are filled and so are my evenings, there is very little "me" time. And by "me" time, i mean time to be the real me, my Master's Pleasure.
Tonight, before saying goodnight, i asked my Master if i could shed diamonds tonight, Master calls my tears his diamonds, as they make him rich... smiles. i explained to him how i had felt, and that i wasn't sad really, but didn't know what it was. He smiled and said yes i could, then he said, its relief you are feeling, that you have order in your life again.... sighs... yes, that is it. He knows me better than i know myself. So tonight, while i take my bath, i will shed my diamonds and feel the wonderful release that comes with it.

Feeling Miserable

Today is not such a good day, i had such a headache last night that when Master logged on we chatted a bit and then he told me to lay down and rest while he watched over me... smiles, i do love when he watches over me, i feel safe and secure even though he's miles away. i managed a little sleep, then i had to sit up since laying down made me feel as if i would vomit. We talked a while and i was told to be in bed early and to get a good sleep. Master logged and i rested and watched a movie he told me about, it was really quite funny. Afterwards, i went to bed but had a restless sleep, as they seem to all be lately.
This morning i woke still feeling rough and running to the toilet every 20 minutes or so. i got myself and son ready and then off to work i went, i didn't put my lock on as i was worried i might not get it off in time when i had to go to the toilet. Needless to say, i am feeling just miserable today.
Master came on and we talked, i told him i was not locked and why. He wasn't pleased i had made the decision on my own, even though he likely would have allowed it, i should have worn it then asked to take it off. And yes, in my mind i thought, that seems a tad unreasonable, but then in reality, no, it isn't. It's a rule i have that if i am out of the house i am to be locked unless i am given express permission not to be. The reason for this is that when i am unlocked, i can be used by anyone who wants to use me and i am not allowed to deny anyone. Therefore, going out of the house unlocked without permission, leaves me in a worse predicament should someone wish to use me, and that is an even worse punishment, being used without permission. It's a vicious little circle that i did not fully consider when i left unlocked this morning. Master was not upset with me per say, but not pleased either.
Over the last while, Master has been tightening his grip of control over me and today it stepped up another notch. We put together an exercise routine that i must do on the days i am well enough to do them. my life has been turned upside down and is crazy hectic and stressful, so Master has allowed me to veer off course a little more than usual because of this. And i know that i have had bad heads and tummy aches because of the stress, and again Master has understood that and not pushed me. But now it is time to get back on track.
Master has set out a daily regime for me, when i get up at the specified time, i am to get dressed, go wee, then log in and begin my exercises, once done, i wake my son and get his breakfast going, then shower, cum once in the shower any way i wish and then get ready for work. If i log out of my computer, i am to log on my phone with my GPS on so that Master knows where i am at all times and can reach me if he so chooses. Once dressed, i am to put on my lock and finish what has to be done to go to work. At work i am to log and report to him what i am wearing, what i have had for food intake, my exercises (if he is not there when i do them) and if for some reason i have to leave work, i am to log on my phone with GPS on. When i leave work, if i am not going straight home, i am to tell him and leave my phone and GPS on. At home i am to log on my computer as soon as i am able to. Master reviews my food for the day and if i have forgotten to record something or forgotten my book, i am penalized "points" in my food. At the time specified, i am to begin getting ready for bed and be in bed at the time set by my Master. i am to pleasure for as long as i wish at night but no cumming, then i may go to sleep.
And there you have it... a day in the life of Pleasure. Am i upset about it, no, do i need it, YES! i know some of what i have been feeling is that loss of control he had over me before everything seemed to fall apart last fall. i need that control, as hard as it is for me to remember everything and i know i will mess up and be punished, but i know i will feel all the better for it.
i am missing my Master very very much lately, what is it exactly that i am missing... all of it, i want to sit at his feet, lay on my pillow, feel his arms around me, his mouth on mine, i want him to use me, fuck me, make love to me. i want to feel the sting of the crop and the welts rise all over my body, i want to feel that release the crop gives me and peace in my mind that comes afterwards, i want to feel his bindings on me, i want to drift off to my rock and feel him bring me back. i want it ALL and i want it NOW.... sighs... but it will have to wait... smiles, all i can think is, life interrupted... grumbles, how dare it...lol
A little side note.. after writing this, i have to admit i feel a little better already just getting it all out... smiles

A Funny Thing Happened Today

While at work, Master and i chatted a while, then he had me rubbing, using my conditioning, he had my nipples, clit and lip tingling while my mouth watered. He had me rub and rub while talking to me then allowed me to cum, i came fairly hard and had to continue rubbing until he said otherwise. i continued rubbing as i looked into the cam (his eyes) and felt him entering my mind, wandering the corridors there, such a wonderful feeling that is! i continued to rub and cum, then my Master said, put two fingers inside and rub up behind your clit... i couldn't! i am locked...lollll
When i told my Master that, he looked shocked at first then laughed and said hmm, I guess i should have told you to unlock first! i couldn't help but giggle that my Master's lock succeeded in even keeping him out today.
Just a short little funny i thought i'd share... now on with my day.. smiles

Training and Conditioning

After a busy weekend i wasn't sure what to write really, so Master thought he'd give me a reminder... smiles. This morning, Master had me go to the washroom and rub to within a breath of cumming then come back to him. Then i was to do the same an hour later. That of course kept me on edge pretty much the rest of the day. When he came on tonight, had me rub again close to orgasm and again denied me, but kept me on the edge longer this time. Finally he had me rub fast and light then to get ahold of my clit and jerk it fast, was sooo very hard to keep from cumming, but without permission, my body just won't cum. my Master sat and talked to me for a few minutes, then suddenly held up his fingers and snapped them and ordered me to cum. my body reacted without hesitation and began cumming. Master reminded me of the training and conditioning i have been taught.
In the beginning i had a really hard time holding back my orgasms and slipped a few times, though back then it was okay, i would be punished, but not too severely. Now is a whole other story, i don't want to even think of the punishment for that. my training started slow with my Master having me rub till i felt the orgasm building, then push a little further each time, pushing the edge further away. Then Master would have me rub just to the edge and make me stop and not move, if i moved, i would orgasm without having to touch myself anymore. Then as time went on, Master taught me to respond to the snap of his fingers. He would have me rubbing and on the edge of an orgasm, then snap his fingers and give permission for me to cum and cum i would! After a time, Master could have me rub, then snap his fingers and i would cum on demand. Master conditioned me to cum on demand, his command, or the snap of his fingers.
Master has also conditioned me in other ways, those being that i have been conditioned to be at a steady 7 (the level of wetness at which a cunt is ready for use), my mouth watering when he says, my nipples and clit tingling when he says and even crying on demand for him.
There are no two ways about it, my body belongs to him and obeys him. It does as he pleases when he pleases, how he pleases and for how long he pleases. It used to scare me a little when it would happen, my body out of control, yet it wasn't, it was very much in control, just not mine! Master is getting me back on track and in that he is revisiting the training and conditioning he has already done. For many reasons, things have slowed my progress, and at times its very hard for me to focus and get back to where i was. my greatest fear is that my body will not respond or will not listen, but Master says that's just silly because it doesn't listen to me, it listens to him... smiles, and he is right, it does. That isn't to say that once the wand "re-training" comes in i won't be worried. When things were going well, Master would have me moving the wand over my clit, keeping me on the edge and not letting me cum for close to about 40 min i think. That is a really really long time, trust me, for those of you who care to try, i'd love to hear from you...lol
i know that my body responds to him, i know it's silly of me to think otherwise, but i can't help but worry. As Master tells me often, it's his responsibility and to just butt out!
So onwards and upwards we go, i'm sure i'll be writing about it more in the future... grins

Oh What A Night!.... Part 2

As angel was being fucked, my Master directed me to take her by the hair and hold her head up and to keep it up, so that she could not look down. While doing this i was to kiss her and fuck her mouth with my tongue, then to suck her nipples and play with her breasts. Sir J pounded her hard and fast and she was off in her own little world of pleasure. Her breasts swayed and jerked as he fucked her and i held her head tight as she tried to put her head down. After a while she was begging to cum, my Master told me to tell her to cum and that she wasn't allowed to stop cumming, Sir J just kept fucking her and my Master directed me to pinch and twist her nipples, increasing the pain slightly as she kept cumming. Finally, my Master allowed her to take a little break and we all sat and relaxed a little.
Once the rest was over, angel was directed to begin sucking Sir J and i used the wand on her, she kept trying to get away from the wand and i held her clit tight so she couldn't move and Sir J held her upper body as well. She couldn't continue sucking him as i used the wand on her as her thought process was not working and she was afraid of biting him...lol... not a good thing! i held the wand on her as directed and did not let up, every time i started to let up on her my Master would tell me to keep it up, don't ease up that this is what she needs. He was of course right... smiles. We had her cumming for about 10 min and she finally begged for it to stop, after begging for a few minutes longer, my Master allowed it to stop and give her another rest.
Next came the stretcher, my Master had me put it on angel's ankles and on her own suggestion... grins, we attached her wrist cuffs to the stretcher as well. i was then told to tie her collar to the stretcher too. The poor girl was getting more than she bargained for...lol Once in that position, my Master had me push her over onto her back so that her legs were up in the air over her tummy. i then got between her legs and licked her clit, then took it between my finger and thumb and held it tight while i licked it, then put the wand back on it till she was close to cumming again. Then my Master said it was time for Sir J to fuck her again. He fucked her hard and fast for a while then we released her from the stretcher. While she let her arms and legs rest, Sir J licked her cunt and i stroked then sucked him till he was hard again. i couldn't help but smile smugly to my Master in my ability to get him hard in a relatively short period of time.
During this time, my Master asked me if i thought i could take being fucked even for a short time. i said i was and was hoping he would allow it, and he did. i turned myself to face the cam and presented my bottom, back arched, bottom and head both pressed upwards. Sir J entered me from behind and began fucking me really hard and fast, i could feel my pleasure building quickly and i asked my Master if i could use the wand so i could cum quickly as i knew i couldn't take it for long. He allowed me to use the wand and in a matter of seconds i was asking to cum and i came quite hard, soon followed by Sir J cumming hard also.
After he pulled out, i removed the condom and cleaned his cock with my mouth and tongue and ran my thumb up the tube to get the last drops out. Angel then leaned over to clean him as well and complained because there was nothing left as i had cleaned him too well...lol  Then angel and i sat breast to breast and i shared the cum from the condom with her, letting it spill down our breasts, we rubbed it into each other, then i sucked her nipples and her mine. we smiled at each other with that sense of pride in receiving the cum, having done what we were told to do and doing it well.
Earlier while angel was being used, she had a potty mouth..lol and racked up 17 strikes of the crop with the improper use of the word "fuck". Now my Master has a steadfast rule, no cursing or foul language. You may say fuck, but only in the proper context. And angel didn't use proper context. So, as directed, she got on her hands and knees and i delivered 17 strokes of the crop to her bottom and thighs, she also received 2 strikes from Sir J for wrongs against him. In the end, she had a wonderfully striped and bruised bottom. On the flip side, i had far too much fun explaining the improper use of the word fuck to Sir J when he asked why angel was getting the crop, that i myself earned 6 stripes. Angel delivered the stripes although she definitely needs to work on her aim...lol so i went home with six stripes on my bottom and an extra little spring in my step.
Master was so happy with the events of the night, even though every thing didn't work out exactly as he had originally planned, it all worked out well and we look forward to another meeting when i am fully recovered, as my Master says he will have me used and fucked to within an inch of my life... grins. my Master says angel and i are good girls and it's his firm belief that good girls need using and fucking.

Oh What a Night!.... Part 1

The end of the week finally came, i was glad too, though had some hesitations. Friday was the day i was going to "angel's" house and she and i were going to be used... yay... sort of... As it turned out, i got an infection earlier in the week that meant my cunt was out of order, or might be, we had to wait and see. So because of that, i wasn't able to be properly used.. booo... But, it would afford me the opportunity to serve my Master to the best of my ability and not to be pleasured myself, a pretty new concept for me.. giggles. You see, my Master spoils me. He loves to make me cum and cum and cum and well you get the point. So, i am not a girl that is used to pleasuring others without at some point getting my own pleasure out of it. Master keeps saying he is going to change that and i know he will, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't hope it was later rather than sooner...lol
Anyways, Friday trudged on and it was finally time to go. my cunt and clit weren't as sore as they had been in the previous days, so my Master said "we'll see" and i just left it at that. i arrived at angel's house, bottle of wine in hand and opened it pretty much as soon as i got in the door. i don't know what or why it is, but i get really really nervous just before i meet with anyone to be used. The wine helps to calm things just enough so i can relax into it, but not enough that i am drunk, that wouldn't be good. we sat and chatted while she got herself ready, we drank some wine had some appetizers and waited for my Master to log in and also for Sir J to arrive. my Master logged in and looked us both over, pleased with how we were presenting ourselves, i was dressed in bra, knickers, collar, cuffs and heels.. smiles. As it turned out, Sir J was late and my Master was not in the mood to wait for him, so he had me begin pleasuring angel, first with my fingers, then with the wand, since she was only about a 5, and you need to be a 7 to be usable. While i played with her clit with the wand, my Master told her how the evening was going to go. i just smiled as her face turned to shock when she was told that she would be the one receiving the wand torturing and that the spreader was going to be used on her instead of me, since i wasn't able to do it. She did actually try to protest and talk her way out of it, silly girl, it doesn't work with my Master, i have learned long ago, just keep quiet and do it, its much easier that way...lol
After about 10 min with the wand on her clit, me pinching it so that it couldn't hide and the head of the wand directly on it, she was begging to cum and i stopped, she was not allowed to cum. Luckily for her it was about that time that Sir J showed up. She met him at the door and brought him into the living room.
No time for small talk, we sat him down and started rubbing his cock through his jeans as he started to chat to angel. One of the tasks of the evening was for both of us to suck his cock, it was something that he had not had before, two girls sucking it at the same time. So angel and i set about doing our task, one would suck and deep throat him, the other would lick and suck his balls, we would play along the shaft with our tongues at the same time, suck on either side of the head, suck the head while the other licked or stroked the shaft, played with his balls, the list goes on. Sir J was enjoying this thoroughly and because of it he held back from coming,  i caught my Master's eye and he called me to the laptop and said it was time for Sir J to fuck angel. i nodded and got up and got the condom from the table and put it on Sir J's cock, then directed angel to get on all fours facing the laptop. At this point i put the headset on so that my Master could direct me in Domming angel as she was fucked.

Alone Time!!!

This morning i was so hoping for alone time with my Master as it has been ages and as i logged in i saw him online and was really happy, then had a momentary pause when i opened the chat window to see he was mobile... ugh... i thought for sure something had come up and we wouldn't get our time. After getting my son off to school, i came back into the house and checked again, still mobile.... then poof there he was.. YAY! The call started and of course, my computer decided to shut down and update at the same time. So i sat for what seemed like ages waiting for it to reboot and finally it did. When Master finally got through, i was sitting naked on the couch waiting for him smiling.
Master was very happy and yes we had some alone time. Master started with a full inspection of me, beginning with mouth, teeth, tongue, nose, ears, then breasts, i squeezed each one and managed a drop of milk from each, then he had me lay down for a close up of my cunt, which was in desperate need of waxing and then my bottom. Master then proceeded to inspect my feet, which in the past have been punishable... and they passed!! He was very pleased. 
Next came a bit of a surprise, Master wanted me to dance for him! Dance ?!? No music no warning, nothing. Of course i stood there laughing and then the countdown started... 5...4...by 3 i had some music on and was trying my best, he stopped me and said no dirty dance, like you're fucking someone on the dance floor. Face instantly red, i begin gyrating my hips and shaking my bottom. He chuckled and said see you can do it. He recorded my dance for comparing later on to see if my dance classes do any good or not...lol He had me watch what he recorded and i couldn't help but just laugh and go red. He asked why i looked that way and i said its one thing to dance, its another to see everything shaking and moving like that! He said well, that's the way it should be. So glad he sees me with his eyes and not mine, it really does help with my self image and the way i look at myself now has changed drastically from when he and i first met.
Master then had me stand back and just looked me over, then said "Get the dress"... groans.... the dress he loves, my goal dress, the dress i've grown to hate...lol Master laughed at my groan and face at having to get "the dress" and off i went to get it. i came back put it on and zipped it up as far as it could go, there is still about 4" to zip at the top, but that is the hardest place to lose, but it will happen, and Master said that i will end up loving that dress. Time will tell!
We chatted a little more, then i was off for my waxing, so now i will be able to post a few pics of my rings and lock. Waxing my cunt is a love/hate thing. i love the way it feels after, so smooth and soft, but the waxing itself can be pretty intense, especially if you aren't well or it has been a while, which was the case for me.
Tonight i'm off rushing again here and there... thank goodness the weekend is almost here!

Hmmmm

Well today has been a really busy day and have barely had time to breath! On an up note, my Master and i were able to have a little time together to chat so that was good, it doesn't seem to happen too often these days unfortunately. Though i'm hoping with a little luck we might get some alone time tomorrow. i know we could both use it.
i seem to be running out of days already this week, as it is filled with appointments and running my son here and there, i really do need an extra day this week, where normally i am the first to agree that there should only be 3 days in a work week...lol Being busy at work has its perks, it makes the day go by fast, but at the end of it i sometimes look around and think.... what did i really do?? Then pack up and know i have to face it all again tomorrow.
Today was much nicer out, i have been able to bring out the skirts again.. yay!!! A little too cool yet for the sun dresses, but getting there.
i can honestly say i really don't know what to write today.... my mind is drawing a complete blank, it keeps whirling around thoughts of my Master and what i look forward to in the fall. One thing i have loved, is that when we have been together the last few times, we have had a long drive ahead of us. Now you may think, are you nuts you miss a long drive?? But i do. When we drive together, for the first while, because i am jet lagged, i sit in the seat next to him, and dreamily stare at him thinking how lucky i am and not believing that i'm actually there. i gently stroke his arm, his thigh, the back of his neck, over and over to the point that i keep asking him if i am annoying him...lol He always says no, its fine and he likes it. He drives the miles and most often keeps his hand on my bare thigh, his hand moving up under my skirt occasionally to my bare cunt to play with my clit or fuck me with his fingers quickly bringing me to orgasm. Over the hours i sleep off and on, each time waking and beginning my cycle of staring and stroking. i have to honestly say i don't think i could ever tire of it. This next time we meet however, we won't have the drive that we have had in the past, but that's okay, it will just add time to us being able to do other things... grins wickedly. i will miss the drives, but the memory is forever with me, and often while driving in my own car, i look to my side and can see Master sitting there with me.
Sighs.... memories... i love them and hate them at the same time, they bring to the forefront that i am missing him so much, but they make me smile and feel him closer. Sometimes, when thinking back, i can feel his breath on my neck, my cheek, my ear, feel his hand in my hair or slipping round my waist over my tummy to pull me into him... smiles, with that thought, i think i'll sign off and keep thinking my wonderful thoughts.

Ahhh... the start of another week...

Over the weekend i ended up with a really bad migraine which left me pretty much immobile Saturday night and feeling like a train wreck on Sunday. My son woke me with a Happy Mother's Day hug and kiss and then proceeded to make me breakfast, which consisted of cereal and milk...lol Hey its the thought that counts right? The morning trudged on and i spent most of it laying on the couch trying to shake the after effects of my migraine medication and snoozing off and on. Master and i talked a little when he got online, but then he told me to go back to resting. After dozing off for a few hours i woke feeling much better and only the residual dull din of a headache lingering, so i got up and went outside to play with my son. It was a beautiful day, sunny, but the wind is still cold. My son went to the park with some friends so i retreated back to the house to prepare dinner, which by the way turned out wonderful!
Yesterday was weigh day and i was down 1/2lb, not the best, but at least something. i just could not get my body to cooperate and get on the treadmill last night so will have to do double duty tonight... ugh! i spoke with Master this morning and asked if i could look into yoga classes, i think it would be fun, i'm relatively flexible as is, but more flexibility can't hurt and Master does like a "bendy girl"...lol
This week is going to be really busy, i have a lot of appointments and things to go to so that means of course, less time with Master. i have been missing him alot these past few days, not sure exactly why, or what triggered it, but i have, and as per the norm, when i get like this it ends up that our schedules usually don't mesh and we don't see much of each other. i know i'll be fine, and yes he is with me all the time, but there are just some days that i would give my eye teeth just to have his arms around me.
One good thing on the horizon is that we have a plan to meet up this fall and spend 2 weeks together, i can't wait! i miss the "not having to do anything" when we are together. By that i mean, i'm not responsible for anything, i don't have to think, just do. He chooses what i wear, what i eat, what i do, it's so simple, for many they wouldn't understand it, but i am completely free of all responsibility when we are together. 
The "to-do" list while we are together seems to get longer every time we talk about it. Our last meeting didn't go as planned and was cut short, so many important things didn't happen, all of which can only be done by my Master, so we have had to patiently wait. In the meantime, it gives this girl a chance to get back into shape and be "fucking fit"... giggles

Conflicting Thoughts

Yesterday was a pretty busy day, which is good and bad. i still seem to tire easy these days, but with it being busy, time seems to go by quicker. i got on the treadmill last night for 30 min, man how i forgot what it felt like..ugh.. was so happy to see that time hit 0:00! i so need to get back into shape or i will never be able to keep up to my Master...lol
Last night i had a task to make my husband cum which i did, riding the cushion that holds the wand and sitting on my dildo while sucking him. i had to take charge last night, which i'm always fairly reluctant to do, but it seems to work for him, so as instructed by my Master, i took charge and had it go the way my Master planned. i was allowed to cum as much as i liked on my cushion and to put on a little show for my husband to help him along. It worked and before long he was cumming on my chest. i rubbed it in, then put things away and went to bed pleasuring myself before going to sleep.
This morning i woke still tired, but laid in bed lazily pleasuring while my husband showered, when he got out i went and showered and brought myself to orgasm in the shower. Master is trying to get me back to where i was before all the set backs and in doing so has reinstated my pleasuring in the morning and at night and also 1 orgasm in the shower. i'm glad to be back into a routine, makes my life much easier to deal with even if its not all back in order, its getting there.
Now something that has been an issue from the beginning began to fade before the set backs, but is now back, is the fact that it annoys me at times when my husband uses me. The reason i think is two fold. One, is that it brings back memories of me always pleasuring him and getting nothing in return and two is the fact that he seems to not be able to cum unless i suck and or stroke him. i guess its a feeling of not being appealing enough for him to get off just fucking me. For years i thought it was me, well my cunt to be exact. i always worried maybe i was too lose or something. Well as i have come to find out that isn't the case at all and Master actually laughed at me when i asked him if he could feel my muscles working the first time we met. i have cum so hard that i have pushed my Masters cock out or my muscles work so tight that it makes it difficult to get in and the cock has to push past them. So what is his problem? Who knows, maybe he jerks off too much or has watched too much porn that the only way he gets off is that he imagines he's watching a video instead of it actually happening to him, shrugs... i don't know.
Master sets my use or fucking by my husband as a task to make it easier for me, and most times it is. But sometimes it still bothers me. Its a task, plain and simple, get the job done as instructed and be done with it and with it being set by my Master, i have no right to let it annoy me, so i end up fighting my feelings on it. i know its necessary to keep my husband happy, and Master and i are now seeing a pattern in that if i take control, he can cum, if he does it his way, most often he can't. How am i feeling about all this, i'm not sure to be honest, sometimes i think it would be easier to yes just take control and keep him happy, other times i feel as if for all he has put me through, he doesn't deserve it. But it is not for me to decide and Master will make the right decisions and help me to keep on track.

My Least Favourite Words...

Diet & Exercise... ugh
Well as i have said in the past, i have been on the never ending yo yo of trying to lose weight. i asked my Master help me with this and he has. Over the time, my Master has given me various exercises and helped me to choose the diet that seems right for me. He rewards me when i lose and punishes me when i gain. i have been recovering from surgery so Master has not insisted that i follow any particular diet or exercise routine. But now that i am recovered, it all begins again.
i have been trying to watch what i eat and am following a diet plan approved by my Master, and so far its working not too badly. The other day Master said it was time to start exercising again... ugh.. i hate exercising, unless of course its in the form of fucking...lol So i pulled out my treadmill and dusted it off, will have to reorganise my workout area again and find my exercise schedule and get back at it.
Way back when i asked my Master if i could lose weight, he never saw the need for it mind you, but i did, he said i want you to go and buy a dress in the size you would like to be, so happily i did. And now, nearly 3 yrs later, i still don't fit in it, and have grown to dislike it...lol i will say though, i have lost about 25 pounds in that time, and i suppose, having lost it slowly like that, it should be easier to keep off.
Master has me keeping a food journal as well and showing it to him periodically to make sure i am on track. The diet is not that bad really, i can eat whatever i like, just have to keep it within my daily limits. Master has said i can even have a creme brulee this weekend!!! He had it at a restaurant and told me about it as he ate it, had me drooling at my desk...lol But of course, having that means more exercise... have i told you i hate exercise?...lol
Anyways, i asked for it, so i got it, Master is the best trainer and the whip is the best motivation i have found yet...lol 

So Who's a Dirty Girl....?

So as i am settling into my day's work, Master logs in :)... i told him of the events, or non-events as it were, of the night before and he said that was okay and then asked if i was locked. i said no, and he said go and put the lock on now. i quickly get the lock then head to the toilet to put it on and think, hmm, i need to wee, so i come back to the computer and ask permission to wee before i put on the lock. Master smiles and says, what a good idea... to which i think, hmmm... uhoh. Then Master says, you can go wee after i talk to you about a really pressing matter. i quickly search my mind thinking, oh no what did i forget to do, or did something happen? As it turns out, Master was concerned about running water and the sound it makes as it trickles into the bowl... ugh! So quickly i try to redirect the conversation away from water and say that i think the issues of the Gobi desert are much more pressing... FAIL! Master agrees and begins discussing the millions of gallons of water required and the pipes in which the water need run, and the need for dams so that the water can run through small streams throughout the land!
As i sit here trying NOT to think of water, Master asks what i am drinking, coffee is my reply. He sends me to get a glass of water. i look at the glasses in the cupboard and of course part of me wants to pick the smallest one, but i know better, so i choose a regular size one, t
hen run the tap... of course.. till the water is cold enough to drink and return to my desk. Next words... drink. Down it goes, cold liquid filling my bladder, which at this point i am sure is above my tummy and has a direct line. Then he says, get another, and off i go, and down it goes too.
At this point Master gives me a choice, i can go to the toilet and masturbate while i wee, or i can go for half a wee. Now for any of you that have ever had to only go half a wee... you know how excruciating that is as your bladder begins to convulse and it ends up hurting. So, i think well, the first choice seems better, i tell Master my choice. To which he replies, I knew you'd choose that one.. slut.... another glass. i reluctantly get the next glass of water and manage to choke it down, its much harder to drink that much water in a short amount of time than one thinks.
i put down the cup and my Master says, when you go, i want you to try to cum as you are weeing, that is assuming you need to wee... or do you need more water? i vigorously shake my head no as my bladder begs to be released. Master smiles and sends me on my way.
i get to the toilet, pull down my pants quickly, my thoughts focused on holding my wee, i sit down and begin to rub fast and light, nothing is happening, i can only think to not wee. i stand up, put my legs together and start rubbing as fast as i can, light isn't working, so i rub harder, i'm trying to keep things quiet as the zipper on my jumper rattles, my rings rattle and suddenly my clit jumps to life. i rub as if my life depends on it and when finally i feel the orgasm approaching i quickly sit down on the toilet and cum! As i cum i continue rubbing and my wee sprays everywhere... groans.. i kept rubbing till the urge to wee over took the orgasm. i stopped rubbing, then with a spasming cunt, tried to wee. i had to push against the muscles and only a trickle would come out till finally i could relax enough to wee.
i quickly cleaned up the wee that had sprayed out of the bowl, washed my hands, locked my cunt with shaking hands and tried to compose myself as i emerged from the toilet. i get back to my desk, smiling and giggling and see my Master with a huge grin on his face. i told him in detail what had happend and he was very very pleased. He has been waiting for an opportunity like this, and has noticed, that i am very careful about where i am or what i am doing when i ask to wee... and i thought he didn't notice...lol, silly slut!
With that being done, i have sealed my fate as a dirty girl... grins, i am now officially my Master's needy greedy dirty cum slut... mmmm what a lucky girl i am!

Finally Back

Wow, what a week, i have been sick for about a week and still having to run around and work, so made things even more difficult than they normally are, but then again, who said it was easy?!? There were plans in place for me to be used, but because i was sick, they had to be cancelled, we are hoping to reschedule soon, as Master said i am well past due a good fucking...grins.
Last night, i was given permission to be used but with a twist. i was to put lube into my cunt, about as much as 2 men's cum, then have my husband fuck me while i used my wand, and i was allowed to cum 3 times during this. The thought of this excited me even though i have not been in the mood being sick, i was looking forward to it. As luck would have it, my husband got called out to work and didn't come home till very late so it didn't happen.
Now the reason behind this twist is that i have had the thought of coming home after being used, filled with another man's cum, and then having my husband fuck me without knowing. The thought of that arouses me on some level that i don't fully understand yet. my Master and i have been talking about it a lot lately and have come to some conclusions.
As with many other submissives, i was abused sexually by different people to various degrees through out my childhood, and even later, was mentally abused as an adult, which i suppose somehow brought me to where i am today. How/why this happens is a question that is still beyond me. Is it that because we had no choice in our bodies being used for another's pleasure when we were younger, and that somewhere along the line we decided subconsciously that we wanted to have the choice? Did i like the fact that i had no control, even if i didn't understand it, but didn't like that i didn't have a choice? Is that why we then seek out someone that will control us, not abusively and nurture us, but most importantly, truly love us through out it? i like to think it was my choice in choosing to serve my Master, but when you break it all down, was it really, did i consciously make the choice, did it just happen naturally, or was i compelled by something deep inside me to beg for my Master's collar? i don't know, sometimes i think i have the answer, other times i haven't a clue.
The one thing that has become clearer, is the reason i choose to humiliate weak men. Yes, me, the submissive, the slave, gets a kick out of humiliating so called Doms and men that are seen as strong and have on occasion even turned the tables on them by having them do things very unDom. The reason is this... when i was abused, it was always at the hands of someone i "thought" was a strong male figure, but have realised since, they are just weak pathetic boys in a man's body. So, for my own peace of mind, i find ways of humiliating those men, even if they don't know it. i am not cruel in that i humiliate them to their face, but get my own private satisfaction when i do it. An example of this is going home after being used with the cum of another man on my breasts and then having my husband suck and lick them. i know what's going on, he doesn't and i get some satisfaction from it. Is it because i'm a little Domme... no i don't think so... Is is because i'm a little sadistic, hmm... perhaps... grins. But all i know is that i get to smile about it and then go on with my day.
Now some of you may think that these "tricks" i play on my husband is unfair, but i assure you he has it and even more coming to him. my marriage has not been the happiest times of my life, and i don't see that changing anytime soon. But because life is complicated, i choose to stay in my marriage and with the help of my Master, i am becoming more independent of that life and finding my joy where i can.
Well i have rambled enough and have plenty of work to do, so i am off to start my day :)