Under the Weather

The past week has not been a good one for me, i've been struggling with headaches, tummy aches, neck aches.. on and on, so i won't bore you with the details. Basically i think its mostly down to stress, everyday stress though my life seems to have a lot more of it than it ever has and i'm more than ready for a break from it. Master and i have joked about getting the gun and putting me out of my misery, thankfully, Master has decided he's put too much time and effort into me to kill me...lol
Anyways, the weekend is going to be hectic for me and Master is going away next week, so this is likely my last blog until his return. i don't doubt that Master going away has at least a little to do with how i'm feeling. Contact will be very minimal at best if at all, so that of course has me in a bit of a state, though i know i shouldn't be. i had to laugh when talking to my best friend the other day, i said "you know, if you'd have told me a few years ago, i'd be upset or in a state about a man leaving for a week, i'd have told you you were crazy!" She laughed and agreed. But it is different really, he isn't just a man, he is my Master, and that is so much more... smiles.  In the time he is away, i am hoping that all my "issues" will clear up and i will be back in good shape for him and be a little more productive than i have been as of late.

Open For Business.... gulp!

This morning my Master and i were able to get just a little time together and Master had me gets some pegs and put one on each nipple and 4 more on each breast, then had me unlock and rub my clit. On his say, i was to remove a peg and when i did i was allowed to cum, one by one the pegs came off and with each peg came another orgasm harder than the last. The pain of the pegs coming off was a sharp short pain followed quickly by a quick spike in the orgasm, the mixture of pain and pleasure was quite intense. Master had me cumming throughout and then had me fuck myself until i gushed. i couldn't help but smile and giggle near the end as my body adjusted to the orgasm and i let it just flow through me.
i was then instructed that after i got ready for work i was to be strapped open until further notice. Wow, talk about a shock to my system and to be quite honest, i'm not sure exactly how i'm feeling about it. When i'm locked i feel safe and secure and completely owned, being open, i still feel very owned but the safety and security is gone. Granted, i am at work and the likelihood of me being used is slim to none and in part that is why he is having me do it while at work, so i can get used to it for when he decides i am to go out strapped open.
my headache disappeared for about a day or so, but has creeped back in, not sure what is up with that but i'm sick of them already that's for sure. Master had to laugh today though, he said that it was clear that my moods are directly related to orgasms. When i don't have them, i get grumpy, yes other factors work into it, but its obvious that denial plays a factor. Since having been able to orgasm, i have felt happier and more smiley than i have been the last week...lol
Master has also given me permission to cum when i like how i like but must report them to him. He laughed because i am a spoiled girl, but he made me that way, i can honestly say it's his fault that i am spoiled.  Master likes to use and fuck a cumming cunt, so to him everything up to the point of me orgasming is foreplay...lol and trust me, you won't hear me complaining...lol

It's Almost Gone

my headache that is, the weather is returning to semi-normal and so my headache is slowly dissipating thankfully. Master and i have had a little bit of time the last couple days to chat but not much else. i am still on lockdown and denial with plenty of pleasuring through out. i am to bring myself to the edge each and every time now. This has left me a little frustrated and most definitely ready for use at any time.
Master has still not said how long this is going to last and really it doesn't matter, i do like being locked, i feel very safe and protected and above all else, completely owned. This morning Master joked about me not losing the key, as he has the other one safe and sound 3,000 miles away... eeks! i mean in a pinch i can take it off without the key, but i hope i never have too. Although Master is amused by the idea of me having to walk over to the fire station and ask them to remove it for me...lol.
Now some of you may be asking, well how do you get around your husband seeing or knowing you are locked, it's quite easy really, i just wear knickers to bed and he, being the non observant type, hasn't noticed i'm wearing them or more likely doesn't care..lol. Sometimes it's a really good thing he doesn't take notice of things.
Work has really been "work" lately. i just don't even feel like coming in and when here, put my head down do my work and just get on with it, not really enjoying it anymore. But, we must do what we must do and for now, this is what i must do. So, that being said, i suppose it's time to put my head down and get it done.

Double Whammy

It's been a while since i've written, but i have been suffering through yet another drawn out headaches, totally weather related, this humidity and heat will just not let up. Because of this, my headaches have stayed at a steady 5ish on the scale to a raging 10 at one point. Because of this, my Master has given me standing orders that if i have a headache of 5 or more, then i do not have to orgasm or do exercises because it only makes things worse. Master also decided that since i was not in any shape to be used, i was to be locked all the time.
Now not only am i on total 24/7 lockdown, except for showering and weeing, Master also has me in a period of denial... ugh. And you may think, well that's not too bad, you're locked up anyways... wrong! Master has instructed me to pleasure each night and morning, also in the shower and every time i go wee, which for the record is about every 2 hours! So needless to say i have been on edge last night and this morning being the worst.
Last night Master gave me a task of finding a video of a gangbang that i would want, or mostly want and we would discuss the video as we watched it together, my likes, dislikes, whatever it might be. So after about 30 min of searching, i found a video i liked, i think because i could identify with it. This morning, Master and i watched it together and he said when something is happening you don't like or want, say so. The movie was of a submissive lead into a room by her Dom on a chain leash, blindfolded and positioned on the bed, on her knees, legs spread, bottom up ready for use.Once she is in place, you can see something written on her bottom with arrows, now unfortunately it's written in Dutch or German something like that and i can't read it, but Master and i came up with a few things it likely said...smiles. Once she was on the bed ready, you saw what was planned, in the room, there were 30 men all waiting to fuck her. One by one they began taking her and you could see that this was real, not a cheap porn movie. 
The girl was definitely enjoying herself and you could see when she came and knew it was real. Most of the men fucked her hard and fast cumming in or on her, some slower, but you could see she preferred the hard and fast, but i'm sure she liked the little bit of a break...lol. At one point, one of the men decided to use her bottom. At that point i said i wouldn't want that, quite simply because my bottom is for my Master's use only and i like that it is for him only, so unless it was him, i wouldn't want it. He understood and agreed with this. As the movie progressed, it was 60 min in total, you could see the cum dripping from her cunt because of all the men that had used her and cum in her, the thought of that being me excites me alot. She was then turned over and there was a trail of cum leading from her cunt up her belly and you got the fully effect of just how much cum was dripping from her, what a lucky lucky girl she was. 
Later into the movie, while on her back, she would get fucked and be sucking one or two cocks and stroking others, some would cum in her mouth or on her body, but also, a few came on her face, some purposefully and others just by happenstance. Again, i said i wouldn't want that. Before i met my Master i had never let anyone cum on my face, i really dislike the thought of it, not sure exactly why, but i think it was much like being wee'd on. It felt like the purpose was to humiliate me and i am NOT into humiliation in the least. But when my Master did cum on my face, i felt nothing but pride to be allowed to have his cum on me and there was no humiliation felt or intended, so again, this is something reserved for my Master. Master agreed but also said that if he were to have me in that situation, then he would make it very clear that IF cum got on my face by accident, i would not be in trouble nor would he be upset, it would just have to be removed immediately. But absolutely not if it was done on purpose or because i was lazy or careless. Then i would be punished.
The final thing in the movie that i would not want is that nearing the end, she began kissing these men, i mean long deep kisses, tongues all tangled and everything. First, my Master is the only one i kiss and who kisses me and second, all i could think was ewwww!!! She has just sucked off about a dozen guys... think about it! Both Master and i curled our noses and shook our heads noooo...lol
Anyways, About 45 min in, Master had me masturbate and bring myself to the brink of orgasm, then stop. A few min later, he had me being rubbing my clit fast, then slow, then tug on it, stroking it like a little cock. my clit being as sensitive as it was, it felt as if my clit itself could cum and spurt cum out of it, i know not possible, but it felt like it. Master had me stop a few times when i was really close, then he had me stroke it again, to the edge, then pinch it between my fingers and use the finger of my other hand to just rub the tip... wow, it was nearly more than i could bear and it took everything for me to concentrate on not cumming. i was left sitting feeling cum seeping from my cunt down between the cheeks of my bottom onto my shorts. i was instructed to leave the shorts on until i had to get ready for work.
i got ready for work, took a shower, pleasured till the point of orgasm and stopped, finished my shower, dressed, relocked and am now sitting at my desk at work wanting nothing more than to cum with my Master. i have no idea how long Master plans on having me locked or how long the denial period is, but i am thinking it's going to be quite a while.... sighs... but at least i can look forward to just how powerful the first orgasm will be after denial...smiles

i've Got.... Nothing...

Monday is upon us once again and i've got nothing.... no idea what to write or say. i suppose that's okay, though i know there is lots i should write about but nothing is coming to me at the moment. The weekend was busy and really really stinking hot, they say we have a heat wave coming.. oh yay..not! i don't do well in the heat. i did accomplish alot this weekend, so i'm happy about that.
Master got me to get out riding my bike too, and actually, i had forgotten that i enjoy it although it leaves one's bottom aching and not in a good way. The first day i was out about an hour in total, son in tow, so no major records broken there, but all in all a good work out. This morning we went again and ventured down some trails though i was leery as i have heard there have been bears lurking around and well, i'm really not keen on coming up on one on the trail especially with my son. Not quite sure what i'd do to be honest, i mean i "know" i'd calmly as possible tell my son to turn around and peddle his little heart out and i would likely do the same, but on the inside, i'd be freaking out. Bears around here are not as timid as they used to be, they are getting used to humans being around, but i'd rather not greet them in their backyard and have them decide they might want a little snack!
Anyways, i'm working today, its not as hot as yesterday but still pretty warm, i have on my dress, bra, knickers and lock. Master does like me to be locked as much as possible, and really so do i. i feel more secure like that. Mind you, i have found out that being locked and biking don't go well together. So until or unless we find a solution, i go biking unlocked.
Suppose i should get some work done and just hope that the afternoon flies by.

Cocks, Cocks, Cocks... grins

So yesterday Master had me strapped open and then had me look for a cock i would like to use and fuck me, then go masturbate to orgasm imagining that cock fucking me. Finally having a little time to myself, i began searching for "the cock", of course you have to sift through hundreds of photos.. evil grin.
There are cocks of every shape, size and colour, some quite disturbing i might add... those sort of dry you up quick..lol Now, did i want a big black cock, an average cock, a long cock, a short cock, a thin cock, a thick cock, i wasn't sure, the only thing i knew i wanted was a straight one...lol. Now my Master laughs at me and says that not only am i a slut, i'm a picky slut, since, if given a choice, i would choose a straight cock. Some cocks have slight curves to them, and that's fine, but i have seen a few that look more like a boomerang, i'm sure you've all seen them too. Perhaps there is a benefit to a boomerang cock, for all i know it might hit just the right spots! But for me visually, sorry, i like them straighter.
As for longer, well, of course i'd like to try out a cock that bottoms out in me, but i can't see it being all that good for too long, i mean wouldn't all that bottoming out eventually end up hurting? A stubby cock wouldn't hurt, but would you actually feel it inside you?? i suppose it might be a bit like putting a bullet inside your lips minus the vibrations... hmmm, wonder if you can get an implant that makes stubby cocks vibrate..smiles
Anyways, the cock i choose was probably about average length but looked thick. For me, yes i want to feel filled, and i have a dildo that does that as well as stretches me and i like the stretching feeling. The dildo i have is very "veiny" and as i use it, i can feel all the ripples of the veins inside and feel them as they pop out of my cunt. So yes, i would say that a thick average length cock is my choice.
Picture chosen, cunt wet, i went off to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, i began rubbing my clit, i really did try to go slow and savour the feelings, but as usual, this impatient slut needed to cum fast. The image of that cock poised at the wet opening of my cunt, then pushing in stretching me, driving all the way into me before pulling back out, feeling the head pop from between my lips made my fingers move faster and faster. i rocked on the toilet slightly in time with the "movie" in my head feeling him pull out and dive back in on each stroke. i was soon cumming, the orgasm hit hard and fast and i had to make sure not to say a word...lol, someone might have heard.
i arranged myself and went back to my office and sent off an email to report to my Master. The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, though i did keep getting distracted by images of cocks.. smiles.  i wore my straps for about 4 hours then took them off and put the lock back on. Master was pleased that i had completed my task and that i was able to wear the straps for that long on my first try. i'm locked today, but the straps are close at hand just in case.

Strapped

For some, the word strapped calls an immediate image to mind, but for me, what it means is that i am strapped open, instead of being locked up.
Yesterday Master and i experimented with straps and found that with a little modification, i could use some bands to pull my rings to the side, spreading my lips apart and leaving my cunt open and exposed. So today Master has me wearing jeans and strapped open. Being strapped open is a bit odd for me, since i am used to being either locked up or just left unlocked. In this case, with the jeans, as i walk or sit, i can feel the seam of the jeans rub against my clit. It is a pleasurable albeit odd sensation..lol The material is rough against my clit, but not in a hurtful way. i am definitely more aware of my cunt and the fact that i am open for use by anyone that should want it and i can't reasonably turn anyone down when i am left open. Because of this, it has left me feeling a little on the vulnerable side. i think however, if i was not at work, where the chance of me being fucked was slim, i would feel even more vulnerable and likely nervous.
Master has set a task for me today, and that is to find a pic of a cock that i would like to use me and fuck me. i joked and asked if he could show me his so i could get a pic, he laughed and said no, and i knew he meant other than him. After i find the pic, i am to masturbate and cum imagining that cock using me, then report to my Master why i would want that cock and how hard i came while thinking of being used by it.
Master has held off my orgasms since i have not been feeling well, but the storm front seems to have moved on and taking with it my headaches.. yay! He told me last night that i would be feeling better today and that my level of hornyness would return... i would have to say once again he is right, though i never doubted it...lol
So i am off in my search of a cock.. wish me luck..grins

Once, Twice, Three Times a Fool.... Not i, i Hope

Well the rest of my weekend was pretty uneventful, i ended up with a killer headache and went to bed early Sat as well as last night. There have been pretty big storms around and my Master thinks my headaches are linked to them, they most likely are with the pressure changes with storms, i'm hoping they decide to move out soon! 
Yesterday was really hot and the sun was quite strong. Knowing i don't do well with the sun i made sure to cover myself and hide from it. i did well, all accept one small area, i hadn't paid enough attention to realize it was out in the sun, so it burnt. i knew i was going to be in trouble. After being home for about 3 hours, i realized it was burnt and then also realized my son had gotten quite a burn as well. He did have sunblock on but he was in the water most of the day so it really didn't help any. i'm really upset with myself for that.
This morning i was up fairly early so got my exercise early and hopped in the shower and got ready for work. i logged in and Master was on so we started talking, i told him about my burn and also about my son. i was just really upset about it as i am the parent, i KNOW better and should have taken more precautions. Master said i was going to be punished for burning his skin and i nodded in silence. The guilt of my son's burn and of burning Master's skin overtook me and i cried, though i hadn't asked permission to. The tears were already rolling down my chin when i said i was sorry to my Master for shedding his diamonds without permission. i know that when that happens, when it hits me quickly, all i need to do is ask and i would likely be given permission. So, here i was, 10 minutes into my morning and in trouble twice! Not a good start, i will not be going for a third that's for sure!

No Straight Jacket... yet

So after a yesterday's melt down, i am feeling much better today and not quite so paranoid as yesterday. It's been a pretty uneventful day, just the usual stuff, cleaning, laundry, nothing exciting. Last night i was to fuck my husband but had a "child-interuptus"...lol Will try again tonight see what happens.
Basically, i am having to try to not look at it as a chore, i had at one point gotten past that and was not bothered by fucking him and sometimes actually looked forward to it. But for the last while, it seems no matter what i do, my husband just can not cum without stroking himself off. And to be quite honest, it really really annoys me. While i don't really care if he is attracted to me, i can't help but think its something wrong with me, am i not tight enough,  am i not sexual enough for him, what is it??
Well, my Master and i have talked about it quite a bit and really it boils down to it being his problem not mine. There is nothing wrong with me, i am certainly tight enough..lol having pulled off several condoms as well as pushing cocks out of me. It's not that i'm not sexual, i am, i mean i know there are those out there that would fuck me in an instant if they could, as well as those that have expressed the want to fuck me if ever given the chance.
The only thing i can think, honestly is that he masturbates too much. i know he spends hours looking at porn on the internet and i'm sure he strokes to it often as well, i don't really care. But, when you have a live, hot, dripping cunt to fuck, would you not rather that than your hand??? 
What my Master has come up with lately is that i use him, take my pleasure from him and then either i stroke him to orgasm or he can do it himself. Now you may be thinking, why not a blow job, well the answer is this. For a really really long time, that is all he wanted, and because i was being the good wife, i would oblige. And so for well over a year, that is all our sex life really consisted of, yes he'd fuck me occasionally, but for the most part, it was either just a blow job, or i'd give him one before he'd fuck me, and i really hate it now. Not that i hate blow jobs, pffttt don't be silly, i just hate giving him one.
Anyways, we shall see how tonight goes, i could use a fuck, although a really good one and i know i won't get that from him....lol but i suppose he'll do in a pinch.

They're Coming to Take me Away.. he he.. ha ha...

i sit here today with a thousand thoughts running through my mind but unsure of what to write. Sometimes i find it quite difficult to write a post because there are things i just can't write about as it is not appropriate for my blog. Mind you when that happens, Master reads it and then allows me not to publish it, there have been a few like that already.
i know that being a woman, i am already mad, crazier than a fruit bat, some might call it..lol, but sometimes i swear i'm so far beyond that i fear i may never return. It's on those days that Master pulls me in, his smiling lips and warm eyes so filled with love, and helps me through whatever "disaster" it is that i have conjured up in my head. Most times, it's just me being over emotional, sensitive, paranoid, all round nuts. Other times it is genuine upset, stress or concern.
i think at the moment, i am at the peek of paranoia, i worry about everything and for the most part, there is nothing to worry about. The risks my Master and i take are carefully calculated by my Master and he works to keep it to a minimum. His/our main concern has always been our children, they come before us in any decisions we make and they always will. Nothing is ever done around my son except chatting and that is kept to fairly neutral subjects. If my son needs or wants something or just my attention, he gets it, no questions asked.
Now i do have reason to feel spied on, as it is not beyond my husband to snoop through my belongs, purse, computer or whatever else he feels like looking in. He has found things, but nothing that couldn't be explained away and he has taken those explanations, even if he isn't 100% convinced of it. Because of this, i have to be extra careful in what i do. 
Every now and again i go through a phase of i really don't care if he finds out and leaves, because i know then that i wouldn't have to pretend to be someone i'm not. Yes, i know i would still have to have my "everyday" persona, but when it was time to truly be me, i could be without worry. Then other times i think, what if he finds out, what would happen, what would he say or do. And most importantly, how would it affect my son.
Master and i were talking this morning about a situation and he could see my discomfort in it. We both thought my discomfort with it was because a party involved had lied to another, and in doing so, my trust in them wavered. Further into the conversation, i said to my Master that i was most concerned that if i was "found out" that i may have to move from the city i live, as it is a very small town with small town mentality. This has put a bit of a wrench in things. i have never before expressed that concern, and it turn, it concerns my Master in that it has raised the level of risk significantly, or has it? i really don't know the answer to it, but Master said he would think about it all and let me know his thoughts on it. As it all sunk in i couldn't help but well up, i asked for permission to shed diamonds, Master gave it to me, but i had to tell him why it was i was crying. It was quite simple. If Master felt the risk was too high, then he will do what is best for me, he always will, and my greatest fear aside from something happening to my son, is losing my Master. He said he didn't feel it was at that point and not to worry.... like i can put it out of my mind... hard to do today.
In all honesty i think that i am just in an over reactive swing and that in a week from now, i will think it was silly what i said. i mean really, "if" i was found out, i'm certainly not the first woman in this town to have an affair, the BDSM side of it really there is no proof, just toys.. big deal!. 
sighs... i'm off to get fitted for that white jacket they have waiting for me, i do hope when they put it on, they put it tight enough.... grins

Just a Little Reminder

Last night Master had me go to bed early again as i am still tired from the trip and i had to get up and exercise this morning..ugh.. Before going to bed, i was to cum twice which i did then laid on my pillow and went to sleep. i woke just before the alarm this morning and got ready to exercise, i logged in and Master was waiting. So i got on with my exercises.
While i exercised Master was asking me questions and told me to put my hand up if i was answering yes to the question. "Are you a tired girl".. hand up... "Are you a sore girl"... hand up... "Are you a grumpy girl"... hand down... "Do you want fucking"... hand down.... gulp... mistake. With that answer, my Master started laughing and said, hmmm so you don't want fucking do you? and i thought oh no, wrong answer. He began speaking about how he would fix the fact that i forgot what i am for and that i really do "NEED" to be fucked, and what could he do to remind me of that. As he spoke, my mind filled with the possibilities of what was to come given my answer. Thoughts of forced orgasms, long period of denial, whipping... all of that entering my head and i wished i had raised my hand...lol Finally Master said, i know how to fix that, my tummy flipped for a moment.
At this time, i was sitting on my exercise ball and Master said sit with your legs wide, two fingers inside and fuck hard and fast, i obeyed quickly. Feeling my fingers moving in and out of me, i began to awaken, my muscles worked on my fingers and i fucked hard and fast until Master told me to cum, then said stop and continue my work out. Master did this two more times during my workout. i was definitely awake at the end of it and feeling just a tad happier...lol
After the workout, i was instructed to get into the shower with my Masters cock and fuck hard and fast again until i came, which i did, each time i came it was a little harder than the last. Once out of the shower and in my bedroom, Master had me fuck hard and fast and cum again a few more times. Each time i came then, i had to smile during the orgasm, and i'm sure you all know that isn't the easiest thing to do...lol For some reason i tend to look more like a fish gasping for water when i'm coming than anything else, getting your lips to form a smile seems nearly impossible...lol
i dressed and went back out into the kitchen, my son was getting up, so i got him some breakfast and settled in to have a good chat with my Master, something we haven't been able to do for far too long. i had a few things to do this morning so i went about doing them as Master did things he needed to do. A while later, Master instructed me to go and use his cock again, and to smile as i came. After this final fucking, i was a "smiley girl" and Master said to me, now, "Do you want a fucking?".. hand up this time!
i have said before i forget a lot of things, and one of the things i forget is how much i do need to be fucked and how it makes me feel after, and i don't mean the lazy kind of fuck, but a good hard fast fuck. my mood improves drastically and i just feel better all around. Once again Master was right, and it's not about what i want, its about what i need.

Home at Long Last

Well my little holiday is over, back to reality. Was gone far too long with no internet and limited phone service, was not a happy time. Add to that and incredibly stressful and irritating family gathering, i was ready to come home the day after i got there!
The best part of coming home was being able to finally see and talk to my Master on cam, oh how i missed him. Yes he was there on my phone when i had service and we spoke often enough, but it was such short convos i felt a little detached. Master was wonderful in keeping me in good spirits in spite of what was going on around me.
Coming home though, meant i had to get back on routine and i blew it the first day. After being on the road for about 14 hours, i finally arrived home exhausted, put my son to bed and set my alarm knowing i had to get up and exercise. Especially since i knew the scales were not going to be good in the morning. i had spoken with Master off and on through out the day, and if i had asked if i could sleep in, he likely would have allowed it given the situation. But i was sure i'd fine and didn't ask. The next morning, my eyes flew open and looked at the clock that was playing away... it was after 7:00 am... omg. i jumped up and rushed around logged on my phone since my computer was taking forever. Had to get my son up and ready and i had to get myself to work all the time knowing i was in trouble for not being up when i should have been.
Master was on when i logged on my phone, i quickly tried explaining what was going on and he patiently waited for me to log on the computer. He calmly asked what had happened and i said, i'm sorry i slept right through the alarm. He did understand but because i didn't have permission i still had to be punished. i was sent to get a carabiner and instructed to put it through my rings and to wear it all day, no knickers. As it clipped on, i could feel the weight of it pulling on my rings, its size making it less manageable than the lock. The carabiner he said, was placed there as a reminder to me of the things i need to do and be more aware of my tasks. i got off lightly and i know it and thanked him for his understanding.
With that done, we talked a little before i had to dash off. All day i was grumpy and tired. So fed up with everything and just wanted to go home and hide under my covers. Well what i really wanted to do was to either curl up at my Master's feet, or lay on my pillow gently suckling and block out the rest of the world.
Last night Master told me i could take a long bath before bed, but to take his cock with me and to gently fuck for a while and to feel my Master making love to me, then fuck hard and fast and i would feel my Master's love wash over me as i came very hard. i knew that the with the extra emotions i had running through me, that in feeling his love like that i would cry, so i asked my Master permission to shed diamonds for him, which he granted.
After putting my son to bed, i crawled in the tub with my Master's cock, used it as instructed and came very hard and as i did, the tension of the holiday and the irrational emotions i had been feeling where swept away in a flood of diamonds. i lay there cumming and crying saying over and over "i love you Master". i reluctantly got out of the tub, dried off and crawled into my bed, i lay on my pillow for only a short while before sleep over took me. The last thoughts through my mind were of my Master and just how much i love him.

Normal Working Day Routine

Today's blog is a little different, below you will find my "typical" routine i follow on a daily basis. At times it changes slightly depending on the circumstance, but generally it is as follows:

0600 Get Up and dress for exercise 

0605 Wee, drink, gather things for exercise 

0610 To be logged on and on cam, begin exercising 

0635 Shower and orgasm in shower 

0645 Check weather, dress appropriately as per instructions, dry and tie back hair 

0700 - 0800 Place computer in the kitchen, logged in so that Master can turn on my cam, prepare breakfast and lunches for both my son and i, inspected by Master if he is on. Log food in food diary 

0800 Lock cunt or leave open if instructed and take son to the bus, log into phone and turn on gps 

0805- 1200 Arrive at work, log onto computer as soon as possible, begin working, message Master when i wee, milk and put lock back on. Talk with Master if he is on. Should i have to leave work for any reason, message Master and tell him if he is not on, log onto phone and gps and when i get back, relog on the computer. Write blog if there is time, if not do so at night. Leave messages for my Master if and as required 

1200 – 1230 Eat Lunch, log food in food diary 

1230 – 1700 Continue working and doing as above. 

1700 Leave work, log on phone and gps 

1705 - 2100 Arrive home and when possible log onto computer. Prepare dinner, tidy up, log food in food diary, talk to Master if he is on. Spend time with my son, get him ready and put to bed. Do some chores if needed. Relax watching TV, reading, anything till bed time 

2100 Be ready for bed, do any tasks that have been assigned, comfort and then sleep.

A Work in Progress

It's been a little while since i've written, mostly because life had interrupted, but also, because there hasn't been much to talk about really.
A few days ago, Master told me that i could expect to be cumming a lot more often than i had be and to be prepared for it, and i thought i was... but i was wrong. i have said before how it's frustrating to me because i feel like i can't serve my Master the way i should be and have talked about all the silly things that go through my mind because of this. Master has been very patient with me in that he has not punished me for those thoughts or feelings, at least not yet... smiles. But the last few days, Master has been showing me how i do serve and please him in many ways that i never really thought before. One thing my Master loves to do is watch me cumming and this is the primary reason i am spoiled the way i am when it comes to orgasms. Another of my Master's favourite pass times, is to just have me "pose" as he wishes and just look at me while i hold that position for as long as he wishes. 
Last night, Master put a twist on both those things. i have been back to my exercises and also did a lot of heavy lifting yesterday, and my body was feeling it already. Master had me stand, get my little bullet and position it inside my pants so that i could stand with my legs closed and my hands behind my head, elbows back. With the bullet buzzing away merrily on my clit, my Master had me stand in that position while he spoke to me. Now at first thought, it didn't seem it would be that hard, but as the minutes passed, the pleasure radiating from my clit was slowly being drowned by the muscles in my arms and legs aching and beginning to knot. Master had me hold that position for quite a while, correcting me if i began to slouch or my elbows came forwards. Finally he allowed me to cum, and i came very very hard, and the double edged sword reared its ugly head.
As the orgasm hit, my muscles were screaming for release and then the orgasm just continued to go on and on and i realized there was no end in sight. Even while cumming i had to maintain the position fighting the need to move my limbs. Master then allowed me to put my arms down and put them behind my back, at first i thought, thank god, they were about to fall off, then as i positioned them behind my back, crossing my wrists over, i felt a new pain in my muscles. The pain, like the orgasm, was just not letting up. Master had me cum again and again, my arms moved from behind me to being out from my sides, shoulder height, they felt like lead and i had to concentrate on keeping them up. The sweat was forming and i could feel my body shaking both from the pleasure of the orgasms sweeping over me and the pain that was filling me. Master ordered me to gush, i gush very hard, my body trembling even more, i could feel charlie horses start in my thighs and i was close to tears.
Finally, Master allowed me to put my hands on my hips, a very welcome relief, the pain beginning to subside as the last waves of orgasm ran through my body. i was quivering and trying to catch my breath when he allowed me to sit and relax. Master just smiled at me and said, i told you this would happen, and you can expect much more of it.
This morning doing my exercises was quite painful and i am still very sore, i know it is good for me, as it shows me i am working, but still and all, it hurts, but worth every ounce of pain!

Some Changes on the Way...

So as i've said previously, i'm on the mend and things are as "normal" as they will be for awhile and Master has said it is time to get back to where we were before all the interruptions. i am back to my dieting, exercising, dressing properly, wearing my lock, with a slight change. Because i wear my lock to work and often have to walk in a fairly quiet place, you can hear the "chinking" of the lock on the rings as i walk. Now because the point of me wearing the lock is for me to be unavailable and not to get me caught out, Master has allowed me to wear knickers to work with my lock, or any other place it might get heard.
Now i have always had issues with my breasts, i really really dislike them, but Master loves them. i have often said, if someone had told me what breastfeeding can do to your breasts, i'm not sure i would have. But in all honesty, i would have, i wouldn't trade those close moments with my son, but i would change the effect on my breasts! i also know that the breastfeeding alone has not caused them to be the way they are, i have yo-yo'd with my weight since i was a teen. The largest i've been in my adult years is about a size 20 and the smallest, about a 9. So age, skin elasticity and countless other factors have contributed to it. But anyway, long and short of it is, the only time i can remember really liking my breasts was when i was breastfeeding and they were full of milk. They pretty much held their own and were known to pop a button or two.
A long time ago, my Master and i discovered that i still actually produce a little milk, even after all this time, i was surprised. At that time, Master decided i should try to re-lactate. i began trying to pump when possible and used nipple stimulation to try to get it started again, but nothing was seeming to work. Mind you, things always seemed to come up and postpone it happening, so we just let it go to the wayside.
In that last few days, Master has been talking to me about it and i am going to start over again. i have researched it and even without prescription drugs, it is highly possible. All you need is a pump and sheer determination. i am excited about the prospect of being able to lactate again. The thought of my breasts being milked by my Master, me being able to give him even more of myself makes me feel very excited about it.
Just when i think i have nothing more to give, Master always finds a way... smiles

Back at it...

Well it's been a while since i posted, largely due to the fact i have been pretty ill and ordered bed rest as much as possible. Thankfully today i feel i am on the mend and getting back to my routine. On the diet front, i have lost another 2 pounds so am getting close to my first "goal", that being the lightest i have been with my Master, only 2 more pounds to go!!
Since i last posted, not a whole lot has happened really. my Master recently got to visit with a friend of his and his girl. i was very happy for him to have the break, but yes extremely envious as i wanted to be there too. Master was very good about it all and assured me that even if he didn't have connection, which he wasn't sure he would, that we would be fine. Of course i knew this to be true, but, being ill didn't help matters. i just wanted my Master to be there and care for me, even though, given the distance he can't. Anyways, it was nice though, he did have connection, and they included me when possible, by turning on the laptop and the 4 of us talking together. It was really difficult the first day as it sunk in that he was there and i wasn't and yes i fought back tears, but i was determined not to ruin my Master's holiday with my childishness. Over the days he was there, we were able to talk quite often and even fall asleep "together" on occasion, both of us leaving our computers on so we could watch the other sleeping. 
Before he left, my Master asked angel to come and visit me and to do something for him. Shortly after she arrived, she took me by the face and kissed my forehead, something i knew came from my Master, she said your Master wants you to know that he loves you and is here with you. Of course that made me smile and my heart skip a beat. Then when our visit was over, she took me to my bed and tucked me in. i laid propped up by pillows, then she pushed the blanket in all around me, "binding" me in my blanket, placed my arms over the blanket at my side, and again something i knew that had come from my Master.
During a previous visit with my Master, i ended up ill and Master had done the same thing to me, tucked me in tightly and then went into town to do some things, he was gone for a few hours and when he returned not only had a slept peacefully, i had not moved an inch from where he left me. Tucked into bed, warm thoughts of my Master filling my mind, i drifted off to sleep. i awoke a few hours later feeling slightly better.
Master had a very good time away and was mixed about going home. It's a feeling i think all of us that have to hide who we are feel when we have to stop being our true selves and be who everyone thinks and expects us to be. It's not a nice feeling at all and one i have experience several times over to varying degrees. i have had such strong feelings about wanting to just be me, the real me, that i have had the urge to not get on that plane or back in the car. Then reality sinks in and the face of my son flashes through my mind and i remind myself i have responsibilities at home and it is why i have chosen to live my life the way i must, with the sprinkling of how i want added to the top. Sometimes it's a feeling that can last hours or even days, but it does go away. Followed shortly by the prospect of planning another visit as soon as is possible.
i have to say, that not once during these times of "coming down" when i feel like hiding beneath the covers and not coming out, have i questioned why i chose the hard road with Master. i believed then and still firmly believe today that the path that we have chosen is the right path and would not change it for anything. (well... in a perfect world of course i would...lol) Master and i believe that the welfare of our children come first and foremost and nothing will change that. Master says that the only one that outranks him is my son...lol... just one of the many reasons i love my Master so.

Forgotten...

This morning Master and i got some time alone before i had to go to work, something we don't often get these days. i haven't been feeling well, coming down with a cold or something and with that comes feelings of sadness and missing my Master more than usual. i try not to let it get to me and just plug away at the daily things that need doing. But this morning, Master got my emotions soaring.
After putting my son on the bus, i readied myself for Master, waiting for him kneeling on the bed, naked with only my collar on. Master came on and was happy to see me there waiting for him as i should be. Master instructed me to get out the cock and my wand. He said i had forgotten just how hard i cum for him when he fucks me... he was right. First thing Master did was inspect me, again something we haven't had the luxury of doing in quite some time, yes he has been able to inspect parts of me, but not fully. i presented myself standing, hands behind me and was told to turn and to open my bottom for inspection, i do so immediately, Master was pleased and had me turn again and present my cunt, spread wide for him to see. Once completed my Master had me show him my feet, which are in better shape than they were, as i had worked on them last night and this morning...lol Now to ensure that my feet are properly kept, Master has come up with an idea, after presenting my feet, i must lick between each toe, if that is not possible because of RL, then i have to rub between each toe with my finger then suck on my finger. Well let me tell you that's a really good way to ensure one's feet are clean..lol
When he had finished inspecting me, he had me get on the bed and wet the cock and put the tip just at the opening of my cunt. He spoke to me reminding me of what happens when he drives into me, the fact that i cum instantly and that it happens no matter what, there has not been a time when he has done this that i have not cum. Finally, he said thrust it in deep, and i did, and i came hard. He had me withdraw it and do it again, and again i came, harder than the last time. He asked me to rate the intensity of the orgasm, it was at an 8 quickly reaching 9. He had me pull it out then begin fucking hard and fast, this sent my body into a non stop rolling orgasm, pushing the number higher and higher, it was most definitely at a 10 now. He smiled and said, now, you're going even further. Turn the wand on and put it on your clit and fuck hard and fast. As soon as that wand began buzzing on my clit, my world began to fall in on me, the orgasm kept building and building in intensity, the wand put on high, my toes began to curl, my legs shaking, hard to talk, it quickly reached 20. Then Master had me get on my knees, head down, fuck with the cock and hold the wand on low on my clit, in this position my orgasm continued on an upward swing, i could feel my Master behind me pounding into me, his cock filling me with each thrust, my muscles working feverishly on his cock, the orgasm squeezing him and making his fucking me even harder, now at a 30, i was turned around again kneeling on the cock and instructed to ride it. Ride it i did! i rode it hard, feeling the length of it entering me then leaving and filling me again. The wand on my clit making it ready to explode, it caused the pressure inside me to build fast and i was about to explode then given permission, i felt my body erupt and i gushed on the cock. i continued riding the cock, my body quivering, legs ready to give out, my mind not quite clear. my orgasm reached at least a 40! With that in mind, my orgasm scale is 1 - 10, so i need to "recalibrate" my estimation of them..lol

Master had me take the cock out and relax, let my body settle. It took a little while to feel like i was "back". Master there smiling at me knowing i remembered now.

i quickly got dressed and ready for work and headed out, feeling many things. i got to work and Master and i talked for a while, he is going away on Friday for the weekend, and i so wish i could go with him. He is not sure that he will have internet there just yet, so that has me feeling a bit hmm... uneasy, i hate not being able to talk to him, let alone not see him. After chatting for a while, Master asked me why i was upset. i wasn't sure, i mean i'm not really sure i was/am upset, i couldn't put it into words. Master, knowing me better than i know myself, had the answer. It was in part that i am simply just missing him a lot atm and the other part is that when i feel the power of my Master's love, be it when he is fucking me, whipping me, punishing me or making love to me, i get over whelmed and this time i think it was more because i HAD forgotten the strength of it, because life has taken over so much lately. 
Sighs... regardless of how it leaves me feeling atm, i would never not want to feel it, i need it, and by this afternoon or tomorrow, i will be feeling the joy i always do in the days following time alone with Master.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

To me a picture is worth a thousand words and more. You see, i have struggled with remembering things for a while now. Things that are not so important at times, but also things that are VERY important. Over the last few years with my Master, we would discuss things and he would be shocked that i didn't remember them. And i'm talking things that one should remember. As in the order in which things happened and how they happened.
Here's just the latest example. The blog i wrote about being used and with another girl, it took me nearly all day to remember the sequence of things and it was just a few days before!!! Not only do i have trouble remembering the sequence, i forget key things that happen.
Master has come to realize just how bad my memory is. i have struggled with it and it frustrates me to no end. i would feel devastated when i wouldn't remember something Master did to me when we were together, or how and when something happened. To me, it looked like i didn't care enough or it didn't matter enough for me to remember, and i think for my Master he may have felt that at times, i'm not entirely sure. But he could tell by the look on my face that i was telling the truth when i would say i couldn't remember. Master now laughs and says that my hard drive gets erased when i get fucked...lol. He may well be right, but it still really upsets me to the point of tears sometimes.
In all the times we have been together, Master and i forget to take pictures, well we have a few, but not many and he would say, "We don't need them, we have the memories in our minds", and i could feel the tears well up because most of the time i didn't! Because of this, Master has assured me that from now on we will take a lot of pictures when we are together so that i can have those memories too.
i hate the fact that i can't replay things in my mind, i can sometimes and sometimes things are so clear, but then other times its just a faint memory or a blur. i wish there was something i could do about it, but i'm afraid there isn't. 

To Dare To Love...

To dare to love is to know you will grieve... this girl dared to love.
That line was in my profile when i met my Master and it spoke volumes to him when he read it. It still speaks volumes to me today, i think it always will. Whether you grieve the loss of the person, the loss of the relationship or the loss of the love, you will grieve that loss. But in the end, is it really worth it?
That is a question that has been put to me several times and the answer has always been the same, yes... it is worth it. 
i have over the years lost what i thought was love and i grieved  it, but in the last 3 years, i have learned the true meaning of love and being loved. It is the most sacred feeling i think one can have. At times my heart is so filled with love i feel as if i can't breath and i might just explode. Other times, i have felt love so strongly that i implode, go loopy i guess and don't know what to do with that feeling. i get giddy, i cry, i have a total melt down sometimes, but in the end i would still say yes it's worth it.
Each time my Master and i have been able to meet in person, i feel so free in being me and dread having to leave and return to my "normal" life. And when i do leave, i grieve the loss of that feeling, the loss of being with my Master physically and it's very hard, no doubt, but it is the choice we have made and i wouldn't change it. Yes of course if i could wave a magic wand and make things the way i wanted, i would do it in a heartbeat, but we all know that isn't possible.
Do i get angry and frustrated? Of course i do, there are days when i would just leave it all behind, save for my son, and hop on a plane and live my life the way i wanted to, would my Master, yes i think he would too. But life isn't that easy and we haven't chosen the easy road. Even far apart, we are close together than most are and i do think that in part, it is because we are apart. Emotions and feelings must be expressed in words because we can't always see each other to be able to read and sense how the other is feeling, although my Master seems to still be able to do it...lol He knows me better than i know myself.
While my journey has been filled with ups and downs, its been the best ride of my life. It has allowed me to find me again. The girl that was lost, stumbling around in the dark, is now shining brighter than ever. Sometimes i want to shout it out loud, tell the whole world who i am and how lucky i am to have been taken by such a wonderful Master and moulded into who i am today....though if i did, it wouldn't be such a good thing...lol The men in white coats might just come...hmmm... although... they do have straight jackets... grins
The reason for this blog today is that i am locked, with no knickers and Master and i were talking about it, as it causes a little pain as the lock shifts when i walk. He asked if i liked the lock and i said i did, and that it made me very aware of it, this pleased him because he had what he wanted. But also, i was not keen on the  pain it sometimes caused. His reply was..."The price is a little pain"... to which i replied.. " isn't that always the cost Master?"
This girl knows one day she will grieve, but for all the happiness before it, it is well worth the cost to me.

Not Such a Great Start to the Morning... But Getting Better

So Monday is upon me yet again, faster than i wanted it to be. Last night i was to fuck my husband, ride him using the wand and cumming 5 times. Then if after that he hadn't cum, i would allow him to stroke and cum on my breasts. Master knowing i was very tired, said i didn't have to take a pic and could just go straight to sleep afterwards. i got up and got ready to go to bed, my husband was still up so i asked if he'd come to bed with me, he wasn't ready, so i said, well don't be to long or you might miss out. i went to bed and fell asleep, he came in some time after 11:00pm and i woke, so i asked if he was tired, he said yes, i said too tired for sex? and his reply was he'd try. He wasn't hard so i stroked him till he was, then climbed on top of him and started to ride him, my back to him, facing his feet. i used the wand and also used it on his cock, which he seems to like and i came twice, we moved in different directions and his cock came out, i reached back to put it back in and he was soft. i got off him and said, hmm, seems you are too tired, he said i guess so. So i rolled over and went to sleep much later than i normally do.
This morning the alarm went off and i got out of bed and headed downstairs to do my exercises, really really not wanting to, only wanting to curl back up in bed and hide from the world. Master was on and i got to my workout, but he knew something wasn't right. i started to explain what had happened and he had to log. i went back up and got my son up, who apparently was in the same mood as i was since i had to fight him on everything this morning to get him off to school. In the meantime Master came on and i explained what had happened and he said it was okay and that it wasn't my fault if my husband wasn't interested.
The last little while has been very difficult, i have not wanted to go to work and want to just do what i want to do. And that is spend time with my Master, since he now has more time. It just seems our schedules are not matching up at all and its getting really really frustrating.
i dressed and went off to work without checking the days forecast, so i wore leggings, knickers, bra, long top and was locked. When i got to work Master was still on and asked me to repeat what i was wearing, it was the same except the addition of my corset. Then he showed me the weather report for the week, it was to be 26C here today. He then asked why i was wearing knickers. i replied that i was because i was locked. He then reminded me that i was to take knickers with me and if i needed to, because the lock was moving too much and hurting me, then i could put them on, otherwise i was to be knickerless. Once reminded, i did remember the conversation, but had honestly forgotten it. Then was the question of the leggings, it was not cold out therefore i shouldn't be wearing any. If my top had been slightly longer, i would have been in just my top. But because it wasn't, Master had me take them off and cut the crotch out of them, then put them back on. He then had me sit and instructed me to show him my knickers, which i held up to the cam, i then had to put them in my mouth. Master spoke to me, told me he loved me and explained the reasons for these rules and that i needed a harsh reminder so as not to forget again. How was i feeling at this point? Really frustrated and angry with myself. i thinl honestly there is something wrong with me some days. i sat there, knickers in my mouth, cut leggings and felt the size of a pea. i don't do these things on purpose, i really don't. And to start my week off with Master like this, i felt devastated.
Master had me take the knickers out, then looked at me and asked what was wrong, besides, the obvious. Wow, where to begin! There just seems so much these days and i HATE having to admit it and let it get to me. But it is past the point of me being able to cope with it as i have been. i tried voicing it all but all of it never comes out. Thankfully, Master knows me as well as he does, and often knows what is going on before i do.
Something that has been at the back of my mind lately i suppose is the fact that Master has a lot more time now than i do. What if he gets fed of up waiting for me? What if he gets bored? It's not fair to him that i am not giving him what he deserves from me, even though he does understand its not intentional. my greatest fear, aside from something happening to my son, is that i no longer have Master. The thought, even now brings tears to my eyes and i find it difficult to breath. Master smiled and said that wasn't going to happen, i am giving him what i can and that is what he needs. Yes, he may play with or use other girls, but he is not out to replace me. i guess sometimes i just need to hear those words, even though i know it in my heart, i need to hear it.
Master sat and looked at me a long while, taking in the despair i was feeling, then told me to unlock and open my legs wide. i then had to spank my cunt 10 times each time a little harder. He looked at me again watching my face for reaction, then instructed me to start smacking again even harder than last time, which i did, my cunt stinging, burning aching, i did as i was told. Again he stopped me and looked at me seeing that i was past the point of crying, unable to, he told me to cry for him. And to my surprise (though i shouldn't be surprised) i did and it felt so good, so freeing, i could feel some of the weight lifting.
Tears running from my eyes, my Master smiling at me, i could feel his love radiating through me. i had needed to cry but had been unable, yes i had a little cry the other night, but i needed more. my Master's love fills me up so much that it makes it hard to think it at times. It's a love i have never felt before, a love i never want to lose. Master allowed me to cry for a while, letting me release some of the stresses and just sat speaking to me calmly and helping me to deal with it. i still have a hard time admitting when i am struggling and i'm not sure why that is, i know Master would be there to help me, but i still have a hard time of it.
After i had calmed and got myself back together, Master instructed me to begin stroking my clit, he began taking me to my rock, a place i haven't been for a while and need to be. Master allowed me to cum several times, each time a little stronger than the last. For a while, all i could focus on was his voice, my vision goes a bit blurry, which makes it difficult to watch for people coming in...lol Master had me cumming strong, then told me to gush for him and i did. i gushed and came so very hard and it wouldn't stop. i kept cumming and with each orgasm, i could feel myself returning, feeling a little more and more myself. The stress beginning to leave me and a calm overtaking me.
Master told me it was over and i could relax and calm. Afterwards, i felt much better and Master could see it too. i am still feeling a bit disjointed, but nothing like this morning. i'm sitting here smiling, watching my Master prepare the evening meal, it looks so yummy and he's drinking a glass of wine. Gosh i could use a drink...lol

Tasks

Today my husband was in the mood for sex, my son being out all day at a friends gave him the thought to have sex in the afternoon... ugh. Well i still had an outstanding task, so i left a message for my Master asking if i could do that task this afternoon rather than tonight. When my Master logged he granted me permission. So i went and dressed in a bra, knickers and heels, then came out and told my husband that if we hurried, we would get a quickie in before our son came home. He was of course all for it.
Getting into the bedroom i bent over the bed and  raising my bottom up, i reached through my legs and stroked him a few times to make sure he was hard, i then directed his cock towards my cunt. He entered me and began fucking me, i used my wand and came two times, each time repeating in my head, "i love you Master, i submit to you Master". It didn't take long for my husband to cum inside me and then he pulled out and was finished. i said no, you're not finished and laid back on the bed and said i want you to lick me. i put my hand down and slipped a finger between my lips gathering some of the cum and then stroking my clit with it.
i really wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but i can't say that it shocked me when he got down on his knees and started licking me. He licked for a while then used his finger to fuck me, to which i said, no use your tongue... and again, he did. So he licked me for a while, and then i said, we had better get going. So got up, he went to the bathroom and i took the pics i am required and sent them to my Master. i had a few minutes to talk to my Master just after then i had to leave.
Tonight Master asked me how i felt about it, and i said i didn't really feel anything, but  i wasn't completely repulsed, which i thought i would be, but i wasn't excited by it either. Then Master asked me if i thought i'd be excited if it was someone else's cum he was cleaning up? And i had to answer yes, i think i would be, not by the fact that he was cleaning me up, just more that it wasn't his. And to be honest, i can't explain exactly why that is either, well not yet.
Master has given me another task for tonight, and that is to go to bed, use my wand, cum and then go to sleep, with my husband laying next to me, and not to say anything, just do it. If he talks to me, just tell him to wait, or hush. If he has a hard cock, then i am to tell him to get on his back, then get on him and ride while using my wand till i cum then get off him and go to sleep.

i Just...

Today i just want to run away, hop and plane and be with my Master. i need to feel the crop till i am a sobbing puddle on the floor, to be bound tight and go to my rock, fucked, used in every way possible, then to be taken into his arms and loved.
It feels like since forever since we have been together, it hasn't really been that long, just feels it. i need to be grounded, to feel whole, to be ME. 
i just want things back the way they were before life interrupted us. i know we are working our way back there, i feel his grip of control tighter these days and while i'm doing my best to adjust, i don't dislike it, in fact, i want it, need it, love it.
i know one day soon we will have time together and i will feel better, but then i also know it sends me on a totally different roller coaster of emotions. When i feel my Masters love as strongly as i do at those times, i hit a high, then a low. Master says it erases my hard-drive...lol i think he is right, my mind goes blank and i forget all kinds of things.
But, i would easily take the wipe out for that time alone with my Master. In the meantime, Master keeps this girl on an even keel, making sure i do what i am supposed to and following the rules. i have said many times to my Master that i don't know how he puts up with this crazy girl, who is slightly manic...lol He simply smiles and says, "it's easy, you are my Pleasure".
"my Pleasure" those two little words bring a whole world of light to this girl when she needs it, i really am very lucky.

Big Girls Don't Cry... yes we do...

For the last 2 days i've had this strange feeling, i can't put it into words, not exactly pin point what the feeling is. But it hit me last night, i want to cry. Why? i don't know, i just feel the need to. Now i'm not a "crier" and before i met my Master, i rarely cried, i mean it, very rarely, how could i show my weakness to others? Even the first time my Master asked me to cry for him, it took a while, but then the flood gates opened. It was the first time in a very long time i had cried in front of anyone, i mean other than say at a funeral. But crying in front of my Master was a relief. i could make all those ugly crying faces and he still loved me, red eyed, snotty nosed, bloated face, didn't matter, he was there with his smiling face to bring me back after a good cry.
my life has been so hectic and my world turned upside down for a long time now and i can sort of see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel now. Master has tightened his grip on me and gotten me back into a regime, i am beginning to feel some semblance of order in my life again. i suppose its all a mixture of what has transpired over the last while that i need to feel that release. i have been missing my Master so very much lately, we seem to not get a lot of time together so that factors into it. i haven't been feeling well or getting much sleep. my days are filled and so are my evenings, there is very little "me" time. And by "me" time, i mean time to be the real me, my Master's Pleasure.
Tonight, before saying goodnight, i asked my Master if i could shed diamonds tonight, Master calls my tears his diamonds, as they make him rich... smiles. i explained to him how i had felt, and that i wasn't sad really, but didn't know what it was. He smiled and said yes i could, then he said, its relief you are feeling, that you have order in your life again.... sighs... yes, that is it. He knows me better than i know myself. So tonight, while i take my bath, i will shed my diamonds and feel the wonderful release that comes with it.

Feeling Miserable

Today is not such a good day, i had such a headache last night that when Master logged on we chatted a bit and then he told me to lay down and rest while he watched over me... smiles, i do love when he watches over me, i feel safe and secure even though he's miles away. i managed a little sleep, then i had to sit up since laying down made me feel as if i would vomit. We talked a while and i was told to be in bed early and to get a good sleep. Master logged and i rested and watched a movie he told me about, it was really quite funny. Afterwards, i went to bed but had a restless sleep, as they seem to all be lately.
This morning i woke still feeling rough and running to the toilet every 20 minutes or so. i got myself and son ready and then off to work i went, i didn't put my lock on as i was worried i might not get it off in time when i had to go to the toilet. Needless to say, i am feeling just miserable today.
Master came on and we talked, i told him i was not locked and why. He wasn't pleased i had made the decision on my own, even though he likely would have allowed it, i should have worn it then asked to take it off. And yes, in my mind i thought, that seems a tad unreasonable, but then in reality, no, it isn't. It's a rule i have that if i am out of the house i am to be locked unless i am given express permission not to be. The reason for this is that when i am unlocked, i can be used by anyone who wants to use me and i am not allowed to deny anyone. Therefore, going out of the house unlocked without permission, leaves me in a worse predicament should someone wish to use me, and that is an even worse punishment, being used without permission. It's a vicious little circle that i did not fully consider when i left unlocked this morning. Master was not upset with me per say, but not pleased either.
Over the last while, Master has been tightening his grip of control over me and today it stepped up another notch. We put together an exercise routine that i must do on the days i am well enough to do them. my life has been turned upside down and is crazy hectic and stressful, so Master has allowed me to veer off course a little more than usual because of this. And i know that i have had bad heads and tummy aches because of the stress, and again Master has understood that and not pushed me. But now it is time to get back on track.
Master has set out a daily regime for me, when i get up at the specified time, i am to get dressed, go wee, then log in and begin my exercises, once done, i wake my son and get his breakfast going, then shower, cum once in the shower any way i wish and then get ready for work. If i log out of my computer, i am to log on my phone with my GPS on so that Master knows where i am at all times and can reach me if he so chooses. Once dressed, i am to put on my lock and finish what has to be done to go to work. At work i am to log and report to him what i am wearing, what i have had for food intake, my exercises (if he is not there when i do them) and if for some reason i have to leave work, i am to log on my phone with GPS on. When i leave work, if i am not going straight home, i am to tell him and leave my phone and GPS on. At home i am to log on my computer as soon as i am able to. Master reviews my food for the day and if i have forgotten to record something or forgotten my book, i am penalized "points" in my food. At the time specified, i am to begin getting ready for bed and be in bed at the time set by my Master. i am to pleasure for as long as i wish at night but no cumming, then i may go to sleep.
And there you have it... a day in the life of Pleasure. Am i upset about it, no, do i need it, YES! i know some of what i have been feeling is that loss of control he had over me before everything seemed to fall apart last fall. i need that control, as hard as it is for me to remember everything and i know i will mess up and be punished, but i know i will feel all the better for it.
i am missing my Master very very much lately, what is it exactly that i am missing... all of it, i want to sit at his feet, lay on my pillow, feel his arms around me, his mouth on mine, i want him to use me, fuck me, make love to me. i want to feel the sting of the crop and the welts rise all over my body, i want to feel that release the crop gives me and peace in my mind that comes afterwards, i want to feel his bindings on me, i want to drift off to my rock and feel him bring me back. i want it ALL and i want it NOW.... sighs... but it will have to wait... smiles, all i can think is, life interrupted... grumbles, how dare it...lol
A little side note.. after writing this, i have to admit i feel a little better already just getting it all out... smiles

A Funny Thing Happened Today

While at work, Master and i chatted a while, then he had me rubbing, using my conditioning, he had my nipples, clit and lip tingling while my mouth watered. He had me rub and rub while talking to me then allowed me to cum, i came fairly hard and had to continue rubbing until he said otherwise. i continued rubbing as i looked into the cam (his eyes) and felt him entering my mind, wandering the corridors there, such a wonderful feeling that is! i continued to rub and cum, then my Master said, put two fingers inside and rub up behind your clit... i couldn't! i am locked...lollll
When i told my Master that, he looked shocked at first then laughed and said hmm, I guess i should have told you to unlock first! i couldn't help but giggle that my Master's lock succeeded in even keeping him out today.
Just a short little funny i thought i'd share... now on with my day.. smiles

Training and Conditioning

After a busy weekend i wasn't sure what to write really, so Master thought he'd give me a reminder... smiles. This morning, Master had me go to the washroom and rub to within a breath of cumming then come back to him. Then i was to do the same an hour later. That of course kept me on edge pretty much the rest of the day. When he came on tonight, had me rub again close to orgasm and again denied me, but kept me on the edge longer this time. Finally he had me rub fast and light then to get ahold of my clit and jerk it fast, was sooo very hard to keep from cumming, but without permission, my body just won't cum. my Master sat and talked to me for a few minutes, then suddenly held up his fingers and snapped them and ordered me to cum. my body reacted without hesitation and began cumming. Master reminded me of the training and conditioning i have been taught.
In the beginning i had a really hard time holding back my orgasms and slipped a few times, though back then it was okay, i would be punished, but not too severely. Now is a whole other story, i don't want to even think of the punishment for that. my training started slow with my Master having me rub till i felt the orgasm building, then push a little further each time, pushing the edge further away. Then Master would have me rub just to the edge and make me stop and not move, if i moved, i would orgasm without having to touch myself anymore. Then as time went on, Master taught me to respond to the snap of his fingers. He would have me rubbing and on the edge of an orgasm, then snap his fingers and give permission for me to cum and cum i would! After a time, Master could have me rub, then snap his fingers and i would cum on demand. Master conditioned me to cum on demand, his command, or the snap of his fingers.
Master has also conditioned me in other ways, those being that i have been conditioned to be at a steady 7 (the level of wetness at which a cunt is ready for use), my mouth watering when he says, my nipples and clit tingling when he says and even crying on demand for him.
There are no two ways about it, my body belongs to him and obeys him. It does as he pleases when he pleases, how he pleases and for how long he pleases. It used to scare me a little when it would happen, my body out of control, yet it wasn't, it was very much in control, just not mine! Master is getting me back on track and in that he is revisiting the training and conditioning he has already done. For many reasons, things have slowed my progress, and at times its very hard for me to focus and get back to where i was. my greatest fear is that my body will not respond or will not listen, but Master says that's just silly because it doesn't listen to me, it listens to him... smiles, and he is right, it does. That isn't to say that once the wand "re-training" comes in i won't be worried. When things were going well, Master would have me moving the wand over my clit, keeping me on the edge and not letting me cum for close to about 40 min i think. That is a really really long time, trust me, for those of you who care to try, i'd love to hear from you...lol
i know that my body responds to him, i know it's silly of me to think otherwise, but i can't help but worry. As Master tells me often, it's his responsibility and to just butt out!
So onwards and upwards we go, i'm sure i'll be writing about it more in the future... grins

Oh What A Night!.... Part 2

As angel was being fucked, my Master directed me to take her by the hair and hold her head up and to keep it up, so that she could not look down. While doing this i was to kiss her and fuck her mouth with my tongue, then to suck her nipples and play with her breasts. Sir J pounded her hard and fast and she was off in her own little world of pleasure. Her breasts swayed and jerked as he fucked her and i held her head tight as she tried to put her head down. After a while she was begging to cum, my Master told me to tell her to cum and that she wasn't allowed to stop cumming, Sir J just kept fucking her and my Master directed me to pinch and twist her nipples, increasing the pain slightly as she kept cumming. Finally, my Master allowed her to take a little break and we all sat and relaxed a little.
Once the rest was over, angel was directed to begin sucking Sir J and i used the wand on her, she kept trying to get away from the wand and i held her clit tight so she couldn't move and Sir J held her upper body as well. She couldn't continue sucking him as i used the wand on her as her thought process was not working and she was afraid of biting him...lol... not a good thing! i held the wand on her as directed and did not let up, every time i started to let up on her my Master would tell me to keep it up, don't ease up that this is what she needs. He was of course right... smiles. We had her cumming for about 10 min and she finally begged for it to stop, after begging for a few minutes longer, my Master allowed it to stop and give her another rest.
Next came the stretcher, my Master had me put it on angel's ankles and on her own suggestion... grins, we attached her wrist cuffs to the stretcher as well. i was then told to tie her collar to the stretcher too. The poor girl was getting more than she bargained for...lol Once in that position, my Master had me push her over onto her back so that her legs were up in the air over her tummy. i then got between her legs and licked her clit, then took it between my finger and thumb and held it tight while i licked it, then put the wand back on it till she was close to cumming again. Then my Master said it was time for Sir J to fuck her again. He fucked her hard and fast for a while then we released her from the stretcher. While she let her arms and legs rest, Sir J licked her cunt and i stroked then sucked him till he was hard again. i couldn't help but smile smugly to my Master in my ability to get him hard in a relatively short period of time.
During this time, my Master asked me if i thought i could take being fucked even for a short time. i said i was and was hoping he would allow it, and he did. i turned myself to face the cam and presented my bottom, back arched, bottom and head both pressed upwards. Sir J entered me from behind and began fucking me really hard and fast, i could feel my pleasure building quickly and i asked my Master if i could use the wand so i could cum quickly as i knew i couldn't take it for long. He allowed me to use the wand and in a matter of seconds i was asking to cum and i came quite hard, soon followed by Sir J cumming hard also.
After he pulled out, i removed the condom and cleaned his cock with my mouth and tongue and ran my thumb up the tube to get the last drops out. Angel then leaned over to clean him as well and complained because there was nothing left as i had cleaned him too well...lol  Then angel and i sat breast to breast and i shared the cum from the condom with her, letting it spill down our breasts, we rubbed it into each other, then i sucked her nipples and her mine. we smiled at each other with that sense of pride in receiving the cum, having done what we were told to do and doing it well.
Earlier while angel was being used, she had a potty mouth..lol and racked up 17 strikes of the crop with the improper use of the word "fuck". Now my Master has a steadfast rule, no cursing or foul language. You may say fuck, but only in the proper context. And angel didn't use proper context. So, as directed, she got on her hands and knees and i delivered 17 strokes of the crop to her bottom and thighs, she also received 2 strikes from Sir J for wrongs against him. In the end, she had a wonderfully striped and bruised bottom. On the flip side, i had far too much fun explaining the improper use of the word fuck to Sir J when he asked why angel was getting the crop, that i myself earned 6 stripes. Angel delivered the stripes although she definitely needs to work on her aim...lol so i went home with six stripes on my bottom and an extra little spring in my step.
Master was so happy with the events of the night, even though every thing didn't work out exactly as he had originally planned, it all worked out well and we look forward to another meeting when i am fully recovered, as my Master says he will have me used and fucked to within an inch of my life... grins. my Master says angel and i are good girls and it's his firm belief that good girls need using and fucking.