So the weekend wasn't too bad, no rest though, headache is still here, can't wait till i can actually look forwards to weekends off. i am wearing my "fuck me" sweater, black leggings, bra, socks and black boots. i didn't put my corset on this morning as i wasn't feeling well at all, though i did pack it with me to put on this afternoon. i put it on this afternoon and wore it for nearly 2 hours, but my Master told me to take it off, as i was trying to work and was struggling with it a bit, due to getting used to wearing it again and the headache. i do love wearing it, its the one my Master bought for me, and when i have it on, its like i am in his arms, comforted and calm.
This morning, my Master had me look at a profile on fetlife, it was a Dom, but on it was a pic of his girl, a potential girl for my Master to use. She looks nice and useful and i'm sure my Master would enjoy using her. With our relationship what it is, regardless of where i was, i would be used by others and my Master would also use others, and i have no issue with that whatsoever. i do feel a pang of longing i suppose, wishing i was there instead of here when it happens, and i know my Master feels the same when it is me who is being used. i must admit though, i do feel more comfortable when it is likely he is going to use a girl that is owned, because i know like me when i am used, she will just be an object of pleasure for him in that instance. When it is an unowned girl that my Master either uses or may potentially use, i get a bit of a knot in my tummy, but not for the reasons most might think.
i am not jealous of my Master using another, just wish i could be there to join in or even just be there in the corner, wouldn't bother me at all, and i would really enjoy it. Nor am i worried i will be replaced, though that was a HUGE issue for me in the past, what i think bothers me the most, is that i know there is a connection, and for the girl, it is usually much stronger. She gets hooked on the Domination and often goes a bit loopy...lol
i know this is true, because i have seen it happen. But, while my Master has control of his feelings, the girl is like most of us, unable to control those feelings, and as time passes, it grows stronger.
Now i am only speaking from how i feel it would be, if i was uncollared and searching, but then again, maybe i'm way off, its been known to happen a time or two. i myself have yet to be used RL by a true Dominant male besides my Master, but for me, i am not looking for a Master, i have one, so my mindset going into it and leaving the situation is the same, i am there for his pleasure, to serve him as i have been instructed to, nothing more, nothing less. With that said, i do hope that my Master is able to find someone that he can use when he wants to and can really enjoy it, its an important part of our relationship and actually brings us closer together when it happens. Oh and having to be completely honest, it is MUCH easier if the girl he will use is not that attractive... i know shallow, but i can't help it, i really am an awful girl at times.
Anyways... moving on, after that, my Master had me go on a site that streams my video live and others can view it. Now because i am at work, i'm very limited in what i can do or show. i have been on this site several times before but it has been a long time. i was very nervous as i know there is always at least one idiot lurking in the corners. No i do not have a barbie doll figure, and actually, i don't want it. Yes i am larger than i want to be, but i never want to lose my curves! Besides, if i lose my bottom, my Master will first whip me, then make me get it back...lol The cam for the site was set on my desk and pointed to my chest only, no face shots... grins... but i had to laugh because the cam made my breasts look huge, which they aren't...lol, but oh well. There were about 60 men on my cam and my Master had me show them my breasts, to which i got many compliments, and i also stood up for them and turned around. That was about all i could do while here at work, so playing on cam will have to wait for another day. i never know what to say to these guys really, i am supposed to talk to them and tease them, but i get all shy and sort of just sit there.
my Master wants me to get used to being on cam again, because he likes to display me because he is proud of me. It makes me feel proud to be his, but i have never liked a lot of attention, so i have to get used to it.
my day is coming to an end, well, work day that is, thankfully, maybe tonight i'll get a really god rest and wake up headache free!!
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