Hmmm Friday...

Today my Master and i talked and i said i wasn't sure what to write in my blog today, he said, why not dip back into the past a little more and talk about your training and changes you've made. Good idea i thought, but now staring at this page, its difficult for me to remember how it all began. It seems eons ago that i was this scared though defiant, un-confident girl. And so much of my training and changes crept up on me, its hard to keep it all straight, but i'll try.
When i first met my Master, i was "normal" looking, hair the same as it had been for as long as i can remember, my clothing such that i wasn't really noticed, rarely wore make up, wasn't really looking after myself health wise. You know the typical wall flower, there but hoping not to be noticed. But Master saw something else, he saw my potential. i can remember him telling me i was beautiful and i thought "what?!? me?? umm no". He let me away with my doubting for a while, then as time passed, i would be punished for making those remarks. 
my Master started changing little things, like making me dress more appropriately in things that actually fit and didn't hide my figure. Then he decided it was time i stopped hiding behind my bangs, and let my hair grow. i really do have beautiful hair and Master loves to play with it. i was horrified really, growing the length wasn't an issue, but my bangs! i'd had them forever, sort of a security blanket i guess. i argued to no avail that my forehead was too big, my hair line too far back, whatever i thought might change his mind, but of course it didn't. As time went on and my bangs grew out, people saw the change and they didn't like it, making comments about how they were hiding my face and how much nicer it looked when they were shorter. i would just smile and push them out of the way, tuck them behind my ears or pin them back with a clip. i would fight with my hair on a daily basis trying to get these new bangs to cooperate until finally i just gave in and let them do what they would. Now my "bangs" are about shoulder length and my hair is pulled back off my face. The difference is striking, i look more like a woman, than the child i think i was holding onto. Master was right, of course... smiles, i do love the way my hair looks these days and everyone else just got used to it.
Now the changing of clothes was a bigger deal, i had always been heavy, except for a short time in my teens, so had worn clothes that hid my figure. With Master's gentle pushing, i began to buy clothes that fit and showed off my curves. i also started wearing dresses and skirts on a regular basis, which i never did. The looks i would get and comments about being "gussied up" were hard to take at first, and Master helped me to see that it was the fact that i was changing people didn't like. They are used to certain things and change upsets their world. Not that i am the first to jump at change, i hate it.. but that's for another day... smiles. These days, no one is too surprised to see me in a dress or a skirt and heels, and have gotten used to the way i dress and even when i do something a little drastic on occasion, like wear my corset on the outside of my clothes, they just glance and normally don't say anything...lol, i think they are still a bit shell shocked so am easing them into it.
Sometime during this, i asked Master to help me to lose weight, i had tried many times before and failed, but i thought with his help, i might actually make it this time. He asked me why i wanted to lose the weight, and i said because i have always been unhappy being fat. Ugh, wrong thing to say... to him, i have never been "fat" and if i was losing the weight to make him happy, there was no need for it, that being said along with a few strikes of the crop, i assured him it wasn't for him that it was for me, he agreed to help me with it. Since first meeting my Master, i have lost about 25 pounds, but still have a ways to go. For my Master, the only importance is that i am fit for fucking.... grins, meaning i can go for hours without being tired or lazy. i am after all for use and if i am too tired to be used, then what good am i? Over the last 3 years, my Master has sure put my fitness to the test and really, except for the first time, i think i have met his expectations, which makes me very happy.
Intermixed with the changes to my appearance and clothes, Master began changing my mindset and helping me to trust again, and with that trust came a deeper level of submission to him. When we first met, i wasn't really an orgasmic girl, i mean i could cum, but often took a lot and then that was it. The first mental trick Master taught me, was to make connections between my body and mind. He had me do an exercise, which he still uses on me now. It is, using your tongue on your upper lip, lick the little cleft there as you rub your clit and imagine your tongue on your clit as you do. Well, wow, was i surprised when i felt my cunt getting wetter and my clit throbbing and i found myself needing to cum very badly. Master would allow me to cum and i would cum harder than i thought i would. After a while of that training, he would have me play with my nipples while using my tongue on my lip and finger on my clit, thereby making a connection between clit and nipples. my clit would tingle and pulse till i was again near orgasm and begging for release. For a long time after that, i would find myself licking my lip at work, in the car, where ever i was, i could feel my clit tingle instantly and got a rush from "masturbating" in public and no one would even know... *grins and flicks her lip*
These connections between my nipples, clit and tongue grew stronger over time, to the point that now, if my clit tingles, my nipples are almost sure to tingle next. Where these connections have allowed me to go is amazing, slightly unbelievable, but real and true. 
Have to get some work done, so i will likely write over the weekend what i have learned since those early days.