SlavePleasure

Under the Weather

2011-07-28T17:21:00.000-04:00

The past week has not been a good one for me, i've been struggling with headaches, tummy aches, neck aches.. on and on, so i won't bore you with the details. Basically i think its mostly down to stress, everyday stress though my life seems to have a lot more of it than it ever has and i'm more than ready for a break from it. Master and i have joked about getting the gun and putting me out of my misery, thankfully, Master has decided he's put too much time and effort into me to kill me...lol
Anyways, the weekend is going to be hectic for me and Master is going away next week, so this is likely my last blog until his return. i don't doubt that Master going away has at least a little to do with how i'm feeling. Contact will be very minimal at best if at all, so that of course has me in a bit of a state, though i know i shouldn't be. i had to laugh when talking to my best friend the other day, i said "you know, if you'd have told me a few years ago, i'd be upset or in a state about a man leaving for a week, i'd have told you you were crazy!" She laughed and agreed. But it is different really, he isn't just a man, he is my Master, and that is so much more... smiles. In the time he is away, i am hoping that all my "issues" will clear up and i will be back in good shape for him and be a little more productive than i have been as of late.

Open For Business.... gulp!

2011-07-25T14:53:00.000-04:00

This morning my Master and i were able to get just a little time together and Master had me gets some pegs and put one on each nipple and 4 more on each breast, then had me unlock and rub my clit. On his say, i was to remove a peg and when i did i was allowed to cum, one by one the pegs came off and with each peg came another orgasm harder than the last. The pain of the pegs coming off was a sharp short pain followed quickly by a quick spike in the orgasm, the mixture of pain and pleasure was quite intense. Master had me cumming throughout and then had me fuck myself until i gushed. i couldn't help but smile and giggle near the end as my body adjusted to the orgasm and i let it just flow through me.
i was then instructed that after i got ready for work i was to be strapped open until further notice. Wow, talk about a shock to my system and to be quite honest, i'm not sure exactly how i'm feeling about it. When i'm locked i feel safe and secure and completely owned, being open, i still feel very owned but the safety and security is gone. Granted, i am at work and the likelihood of me being used is slim to none and in part that is why he is having me do it while at work, so i can get used to it for when he decides i am to go out strapped open.
my headache disappeared for about a day or so, but has creeped back in, not sure what is up with that but i'm sick of them already that's for sure. Master had to laugh today though, he said that it was clear that my moods are directly related to orgasms. When i don't have them, i get grumpy, yes other factors work into it, but its obvious that denial plays a factor. Since having been able to orgasm, i have felt happier and more smiley than i have been the last week...lol
Master has also given me permission to cum when i like how i like but must report them to him. He laughed because i am a spoiled girl, but he made me that way, i can honestly say it's his fault that i am spoiled. Master likes to use and fuck a cumming cunt, so to him everything up to the point of me orgasming is foreplay...lol and trust me, you won't hear me complaining...lol

It's Almost Gone

2011-07-22T17:27:00.000-04:00

my headache that is, the weather is returning to semi-normal and so my headache is slowly dissipating thankfully. Master and i have had a little bit of time the last couple days to chat but not much else. i am still on lockdown and denial with plenty of pleasuring through out. i am to bring myself to the edge each and every time now. This has left me a little frustrated and most definitely ready for use at any time.
Master has still not said how long this is going to last and really it doesn't matter, i do like being locked, i feel very safe and protected and above all else, completely owned. This morning Master joked about me not losing the key, as he has the other one safe and sound 3,000 miles away... eeks! i mean in a pinch i can take it off without the key, but i hope i never have too. Although Master is amused by the idea of me having to walk over to the fire station and ask them to remove it for me...lol.
Now some of you may be asking, well how do you get around your husband seeing or knowing you are locked, it's quite easy really, i just wear knickers to bed and he, being the non observant type, hasn't noticed i'm wearing them or more likely doesn't care..lol. Sometimes it's a really good thing he doesn't take notice of things.
Work has really been "work" lately. i just don't even feel like coming in and when here, put my head down do my work and just get on with it, not really enjoying it anymore. But, we must do what we must do and for now, this is what i must do. So, that being said, i suppose it's time to put my head down and get it done.

Double Whammy

2011-07-21T15:35:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since i've written, but i have been suffering through yet another drawn out headaches, totally weather related, this humidity and heat will just not let up. Because of this, my headaches have stayed at a steady 5ish on the scale to a raging 10 at one point. Because of this, my Master has given me standing orders that if i have a headache of 5 or more, then i do not have to orgasm or do exercises because it only makes things worse. Master also decided that since i was not in any shape to be used, i was to be locked all the time.
Now not only am i on total 24/7 lockdown, except for showering and weeing, Master also has me in a period of denial... ugh. And you may think, well that's not too bad, you're locked up anyways... wrong! Master has instructed me to pleasure each night and morning, also in the shower and every time i go wee, which for the record is about every 2 hours! So needless to say i have been on edge last night and this morning being the worst.
Last night Master gave me a task of finding a video of a gangbang that i would want, or mostly want and we would discuss the video as we watched it together, my likes, dislikes, whatever it might be. So after about 30 min of searching, i found a video i liked, i think because i could identify with it. This morning, Master and i watched it together and he said when something is happening you don't like or want, say so. The movie was of a submissive lead into a room by her Dom on a chain leash, blindfolded and positioned on the bed, on her knees, legs spread, bottom up ready for use.Once she is in place, you can see something written on her bottom with arrows, now unfortunately it's written in Dutch or German something like that and i can't read it, but Master and i came up with a few things it likely said...smiles. Once she was on the bed ready, you saw what was planned, in the room, there were 30 men all waiting to fuck her. One by one they began taking her and you could see that this was real, not a cheap porn movie.
The girl was definitely enjoying herself and you could see when she came and knew it was real. Most of the men fucked her hard and fast cumming in or on her, some slower, but you could see she preferred the hard and fast, but i'm sure she liked the little bit of a break...lol. At one point, one of the men decided to use her bottom. At that point i said i wouldn't want that, quite simply because my bottom is for my Master's use only and i like that it is for him only, so unless it was him, i wouldn't want it. He understood and agreed with this. As the movie progressed, it was 60 min in total, you could see the cum dripping from her cunt because of all the men that had used her and cum in her, the thought of that being me excites me alot. She was then turned over and there was a trail of cum leading from her cunt up her belly and you got the fully effect of just how much cum was dripping from her, what a lucky lucky girl she was.
Later into the movie, while on her back, she would get fucked and be sucking one or two cocks and stroking others, some would cum in her mouth or on her body, but also, a few came on her face, some purposefully and others just by happenstance. Again, i said i wouldn't want that. Before i met my Master i had never let anyone cum on my face, i really dislike the thought of it, not sure exactly why, but i think it was much like being wee'd on. It felt like the purpose was to humiliate me and i am NOT into humiliation in the least. But when my Master did cum on my face, i felt nothing but pride to be allowed to have his cum on me and there was no humiliation felt or intended, so again, this is something reserved for my Master. Master agreed but also said that if he were to have me in that situation, then he would make it very clear that IF cum got on my face by accident, i would not be in trouble nor would he be upset, it would just have to be removed immediately. But absolutely not if it was done on purpose or because i was lazy or careless. Then i would be punished.
The final thing in the movie that i would not want is that nearing the end, she began kissing these men, i mean long deep kisses, tongues all tangled and everything. First, my Master is the only one i kiss and who kisses me and second, all i could think was ewwww!!! She has just sucked off about a dozen guys... think about it! Both Master and i curled our noses and shook our heads noooo...lol
Anyways, About 45 min in, Master had me masturbate and bring myself to the brink of orgasm, then stop. A few min later, he had me being rubbing my clit fast, then slow, then tug on it, stroking it like a little cock. my clit being as sensitive as it was, it felt as if my clit itself could cum and spurt cum out of it, i know not possible, but it felt like it. Master had me stop a few times when i was really close, then he had me stroke it again, to the edge, then pinch it between my fingers and use the finger of my other hand to just rub the tip... wow, it was nearly more than i could bear and it took everything for me to concentrate on not cumming. i was left sitting feeling cum seeping from my cunt down between the cheeks of my bottom onto my shorts. i was instructed to leave the shorts on until i had to get ready for work.
i got ready for work, took a shower, pleasured till the point of orgasm and stopped, finished my shower, dressed, relocked and am now sitting at my desk at work wanting nothing more than to cum with my Master. i have no idea how long Master plans on having me locked or how long the denial period is, but i am thinking it's going to be quite a while.... sighs... but at least i can look forward to just how powerful the first orgasm will be after denial...smiles

i've Got.... Nothing...

2011-07-18T18:40:00.000-04:00

Monday is upon us once again and i've got nothing.... no idea what to write or say. i suppose that's okay, though i know there is lots i should write about but nothing is coming to me at the moment. The weekend was busy and really really stinking hot, they say we have a heat wave coming.. oh yay..not! i don't do well in the heat. i did accomplish alot this weekend, so i'm happy about that.
Master got me to get out riding my bike too, and actually, i had forgotten that i enjoy it although it leaves one's bottom aching and not in a good way. The first day i was out about an hour in total, son in tow, so no major records broken there, but all in all a good work out. This morning we went again and ventured down some trails though i was leery as i have heard there have been bears lurking around and well, i'm really not keen on coming up on one on the trail especially with my son. Not quite sure what i'd do to be honest, i mean i "know" i'd calmly as possible tell my son to turn around and peddle his little heart out and i would likely do the same, but on the inside, i'd be freaking out. Bears around here are not as timid as they used to be, they are getting used to humans being around, but i'd rather not greet them in their backyard and have them decide they might want a little snack!
Anyways, i'm working today, its not as hot as yesterday but still pretty warm, i have on my dress, bra, knickers and lock. Master does like me to be locked as much as possible, and really so do i. i feel more secure like that. Mind you, i have found out that being locked and biking don't go well together. So until or unless we find a solution, i go biking unlocked.
Suppose i should get some work done and just hope that the afternoon flies by.

Cocks, Cocks, Cocks... grins

2011-07-15T16:35:00.000-04:00

So yesterday Master had me strapped open and then had me look for a cock i would like to use and fuck me, then go masturbate to orgasm imagining that cock fucking me. Finally having a little time to myself, i began searching for "the cock", of course you have to sift through hundreds of photos.. evil grin.
There are cocks of every shape, size and colour, some quite disturbing i might add... those sort of dry you up quick..lol Now, did i want a big black cock, an average cock, a long cock, a short cock, a thin cock, a thick cock, i wasn't sure, the only thing i knew i wanted was a straight one...lol. Now my Master laughs at me and says that not only am i a slut, i'm a picky slut, since, if given a choice, i would choose a straight cock. Some cocks have slight curves to them, and that's fine, but i have seen a few that look more like a boomerang, i'm sure you've all seen them too. Perhaps there is a benefit to a boomerang cock, for all i know it might hit just the right spots! But for me visually, sorry, i like them straighter.
As for longer, well, of course i'd like to try out a cock that bottoms out in me, but i can't see it being all that good for too long, i mean wouldn't all that bottoming out eventually end up hurting? A stubby cock wouldn't hurt, but would you actually feel it inside you?? i suppose it might be a bit like putting a bullet inside your lips minus the vibrations... hmmm, wonder if you can get an implant that makes stubby cocks vibrate..smiles
Anyways, the cock i choose was probably about average length but looked thick. For me, yes i want to feel filled, and i have a dildo that does that as well as stretches me and i like the stretching feeling. The dildo i have is very "veiny" and as i use it, i can feel all the ripples of the veins inside and feel them as they pop out of my cunt. So yes, i would say that a thick average length cock is my choice.
Picture chosen, cunt wet, i went off to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, i began rubbing my clit, i really did try to go slow and savour the feelings, but as usual, this impatient slut needed to cum fast. The image of that cock poised at the wet opening of my cunt, then pushing in stretching me, driving all the way into me before pulling back out, feeling the head pop from between my lips made my fingers move faster and faster. i rocked on the toilet slightly in time with the "movie" in my head feeling him pull out and dive back in on each stroke. i was soon cumming, the orgasm hit hard and fast and i had to make sure not to say a word...lol, someone might have heard.
i arranged myself and went back to my office and sent off an email to report to my Master. The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, though i did keep getting distracted by images of cocks.. smiles. i wore my straps for about 4 hours then took them off and put the lock back on. Master was pleased that i had completed my task and that i was able to wear the straps for that long on my first try. i'm locked today, but the straps are close at hand just in case.

Strapped

2011-07-14T16:18:00.000-04:00

For some, the word strapped calls an immediate image to mind, but for me, what it means is that i am strapped open, instead of being locked up.
Yesterday Master and i experimented with straps and found that with a little modification, i could use some bands to pull my rings to the side, spreading my lips apart and leaving my cunt open and exposed. So today Master has me wearing jeans and strapped open. Being strapped open is a bit odd for me, since i am used to being either locked up or just left unlocked. In this case, with the jeans, as i walk or sit, i can feel the seam of the jeans rub against my clit. It is a pleasurable albeit odd sensation..lol The material is rough against my clit, but not in a hurtful way. i am definitely more aware of my cunt and the fact that i am open for use by anyone that should want it and i can't reasonably turn anyone down when i am left open. Because of this, it has left me feeling a little on the vulnerable side. i think however, if i was not at work, where the chance of me being fucked was slim, i would feel even more vulnerable and likely nervous.
Master has set a task for me today, and that is to find a pic of a cock that i would like to use me and fuck me. i joked and asked if he could show me his so i could get a pic, he laughed and said no, and i knew he meant other than him. After i find the pic, i am to masturbate and cum imagining that cock using me, then report to my Master why i would want that cock and how hard i came while thinking of being used by it.
Master has held off my orgasms since i have not been feeling well, but the storm front seems to have moved on and taking with it my headaches.. yay! He told me last night that i would be feeling better today and that my level of hornyness would return... i would have to say once again he is right, though i never doubted it...lol
So i am off in my search of a cock.. wish me luck..grins

Once, Twice, Three Times a Fool.... Not i, i Hope

2011-07-11T17:30:00.000-04:00

Well the rest of my weekend was pretty uneventful, i ended up with a killer headache and went to bed early Sat as well as last night. There have been pretty big storms around and my Master thinks my headaches are linked to them, they most likely are with the pressure changes with storms, i'm hoping they decide to move out soon!
Yesterday was really hot and the sun was quite strong. Knowing i don't do well with the sun i made sure to cover myself and hide from it. i did well, all accept one small area, i hadn't paid enough attention to realize it was out in the sun, so it burnt. i knew i was going to be in trouble. After being home for about 3 hours, i realized it was burnt and then also realized my son had gotten quite a burn as well. He did have sunblock on but he was in the water most of the day so it really didn't help any. i'm really upset with myself for that.
This morning i was up fairly early so got my exercise early and hopped in the shower and got ready for work. i logged in and Master was on so we started talking, i told him about my burn and also about my son. i was just really upset about it as i am the parent, i KNOW better and should have taken more precautions. Master said i was going to be punished for burning his skin and i nodded in silence. The guilt of my son's burn and of burning Master's skin overtook me and i cried, though i hadn't asked permission to. The tears were already rolling down my chin when i said i was sorry to my Master for shedding his diamonds without permission. i know that when that happens, when it hits me quickly, all i need to do is ask and i would likely be given permission. So, here i was, 10 minutes into my morning and in trouble twice! Not a good start, i will not be going for a third that's for sure!

No Straight Jacket... yet

2011-07-11T11:13:00.000-04:00

So after a yesterday's melt down, i am feeling much better today and not quite so paranoid as yesterday. It's been a pretty uneventful day, just the usual stuff, cleaning, laundry, nothing exciting. Last night i was to fuck my husband but had a "child-interuptus"...lol Will try again tonight see what happens.
Basically, i am having to try to not look at it as a chore, i had at one point gotten past that and was not bothered by fucking him and sometimes actually looked forward to it. But for the last while, it seems no matter what i do, my husband just can not cum without stroking himself off. And to be quite honest, it really really annoys me. While i don't really care if he is attracted to me, i can't help but think its something wrong with me, am i not tight enough, am i not sexual enough for him, what is it??
Well, my Master and i have talked about it quite a bit and really it boils down to it being his problem not mine. There is nothing wrong with me, i am certainly tight enough..lol having pulled off several condoms as well as pushing cocks out of me. It's not that i'm not sexual, i am, i mean i know there are those out there that would fuck me in an instant if they could, as well as those that have expressed the want to fuck me if ever given the chance.
The only thing i can think, honestly is that he masturbates too much. i know he spends hours looking at porn on the internet and i'm sure he strokes to it often as well, i don't really care. But, when you have a live, hot, dripping cunt to fuck, would you not rather that than your hand???
What my Master has come up with lately is that i use him, take my pleasure from him and then either i stroke him to orgasm or he can do it himself. Now you may be thinking, why not a blow job, well the answer is this. For a really really long time, that is all he wanted, and because i was being the good wife, i would oblige. And so for well over a year, that is all our sex life really consisted of, yes he'd fuck me occasionally, but for the most part, it was either just a blow job, or i'd give him one before he'd fuck me, and i really hate it now. Not that i hate blow jobs, pffttt don't be silly, i just hate giving him one.
Anyways, we shall see how tonight goes, i could use a fuck, although a really good one and i know i won't get that from him....lol but i suppose he'll do in a pinch.

They're Coming to Take me Away.. he he.. ha ha...

2011-07-08T18:22:00.000-04:00

i sit here today with a thousand thoughts running through my mind but unsure of what to write. Sometimes i find it quite difficult to write a post because there are things i just can't write about as it is not appropriate for my blog. Mind you when that happens, Master reads it and then allows me not to publish it, there have been a few like that already.
i know that being a woman, i am already mad, crazier than a fruit bat, some might call it..lol, but sometimes i swear i'm so far beyond that i fear i may never return. It's on those days that Master pulls me in, his smiling lips and warm eyes so filled with love, and helps me through whatever "disaster" it is that i have conjured up in my head. Most times, it's just me being over emotional, sensitive, paranoid, all round nuts. Other times it is genuine upset, stress or concern.
i think at the moment, i am at the peek of paranoia, i worry about everything and for the most part, there is nothing to worry about. The risks my Master and i take are carefully calculated by my Master and he works to keep it to a minimum. His/our main concern has always been our children, they come before us in any decisions we make and they always will. Nothing is ever done around my son except chatting and that is kept to fairly neutral subjects. If my son needs or wants something or just my attention, he gets it, no questions asked.
Now i do have reason to feel spied on, as it is not beyond my husband to snoop through my belongs, purse, computer or whatever else he feels like looking in. He has found things, but nothing that couldn't be explained away and he has taken those explanations, even if he isn't 100% convinced of it. Because of this, i have to be extra careful in what i do.
Every now and again i go through a phase of i really don't care if he finds out and leaves, because i know then that i wouldn't have to pretend to be someone i'm not. Yes, i know i would still have to have my "everyday" persona, but when it was time to truly be me, i could be without worry. Then other times i think, what if he finds out, what would happen, what would he say or do. And most importantly, how would it affect my son.
Master and i were talking this morning about a situation and he could see my discomfort in it. We both thought my discomfort with it was because a party involved had lied to another, and in doing so, my trust in them wavered. Further into the conversation, i said to my Master that i was most concerned that if i was "found out" that i may have to move from the city i live, as it is a very small town with small town mentality. This has put a bit of a wrench in things. i have never before expressed that concern, and it turn, it concerns my Master in that it has raised the level of risk significantly, or has it? i really don't know the answer to it, but Master said he would think about it all and let me know his thoughts on it. As it all sunk in i couldn't help but well up, i asked for permission to shed diamonds, Master gave it to me, but i had to tell him why it was i was crying. It was quite simple. If Master felt the risk was too high, then he will do what is best for me, he always will, and my greatest fear aside from something happening to my son, is losing my Master. He said he didn't feel it was at that point and not to worry.... like i can put it out of my mind... hard to do today.
In all honesty i think that i am just in an over reactive swing and that in a week from now, i will think it was silly what i said. i mean really, "if" i was found out, i'm certainly not the first woman in this town to have an affair, the BDSM side of it really there is no proof, just toys.. big deal!.
sighs... i'm off to get fitted for that white jacket they have waiting for me, i do hope when they put it on, they put it tight enough.... grins

Just a Little Reminder

2011-07-07T17:31:00.000-04:00

Last night Master had me go to bed early again as i am still tired from the trip and i had to get up and exercise this morning..ugh.. Before going to bed, i was to cum twice which i did then laid on my pillow and went to sleep. i woke just before the alarm this morning and got ready to exercise, i logged in and Master was waiting. So i got on with my exercises.
While i exercised Master was asking me questions and told me to put my hand up if i was answering yes to the question. "Are you a tired girl".. hand up... "Are you a sore girl"... hand up... "Are you a grumpy girl"... hand down... "Do you want fucking"... hand down.... gulp... mistake. With that answer, my Master started laughing and said, hmmm so you don't want fucking do you? and i thought oh no, wrong answer. He began speaking about how he would fix the fact that i forgot what i am for and that i really do "NEED" to be fucked, and what could he do to remind me of that. As he spoke, my mind filled with the possibilities of what was to come given my answer. Thoughts of forced orgasms, long period of denial, whipping... all of that entering my head and i wished i had raised my hand...lol Finally Master said, i know how to fix that, my tummy flipped for a moment.
At this time, i was sitting on my exercise ball and Master said sit with your legs wide, two fingers inside and fuck hard and fast, i obeyed quickly. Feeling my fingers moving in and out of me, i began to awaken, my muscles worked on my fingers and i fucked hard and fast until Master told me to cum, then said stop and continue my work out. Master did this two more times during my workout. i was definitely awake at the end of it and feeling just a tad happier...lol
After the workout, i was instructed to get into the shower with my Masters cock and fuck hard and fast again until i came, which i did, each time i came it was a little harder than the last. Once out of the shower and in my bedroom, Master had me fuck hard and fast and cum again a few more times. Each time i came then, i had to smile during the orgasm, and i'm sure you all know that isn't the easiest thing to do...lol For some reason i tend to look more like a fish gasping for water when i'm coming than anything else, getting your lips to form a smile seems nearly impossible...lol
i dressed and went back out into the kitchen, my son was getting up, so i got him some breakfast and settled in to have a good chat with my Master, something we haven't been able to do for far too long. i had a few things to do this morning so i went about doing them as Master did things he needed to do. A while later, Master instructed me to go and use his cock again, and to smile as i came. After this final fucking, i was a "smiley girl" and Master said to me, now, "Do you want a fucking?".. hand up this time!
i have said before i forget a lot of things, and one of the things i forget is how much i do need to be fucked and how it makes me feel after, and i don't mean the lazy kind of fuck, but a good hard fast fuck. my mood improves drastically and i just feel better all around. Once again Master was right, and it's not about what i want, its about what i need.

Home at Long Last

2011-07-06T17:33:00.000-04:00

Well my little holiday is over, back to reality. Was gone far too long with no internet and limited phone service, was not a happy time. Add to that and incredibly stressful and irritating family gathering, i was ready to come home the day after i got there!
The best part of coming home was being able to finally see and talk to my Master on cam, oh how i missed him. Yes he was there on my phone when i had service and we spoke often enough, but it was such short convos i felt a little detached. Master was wonderful in keeping me in good spirits in spite of what was going on around me.
Coming home though, meant i had to get back on routine and i blew it the first day. After being on the road for about 14 hours, i finally arrived home exhausted, put my son to bed and set my alarm knowing i had to get up and exercise. Especially since i knew the scales were not going to be good in the morning. i had spoken with Master off and on through out the day, and if i had asked if i could sleep in, he likely would have allowed it given the situation. But i was sure i'd fine and didn't ask. The next morning, my eyes flew open and looked at the clock that was playing away... it was after 7:00 am... omg. i jumped up and rushed around logged on my phone since my computer was taking forever. Had to get my son up and ready and i had to get myself to work all the time knowing i was in trouble for not being up when i should have been.
Master was on when i logged on my phone, i quickly tried explaining what was going on and he patiently waited for me to log on the computer. He calmly asked what had happened and i said, i'm sorry i slept right through the alarm. He did understand but because i didn't have permission i still had to be punished. i was sent to get a carabiner and instructed to put it through my rings and to wear it all day, no knickers. As it clipped on, i could feel the weight of it pulling on my rings, its size making it less manageable than the lock. The carabiner he said, was placed there as a reminder to me of the things i need to do and be more aware of my tasks. i got off lightly and i know it and thanked him for his understanding.
With that done, we talked a little before i had to dash off. All day i was grumpy and tired. So fed up with everything and just wanted to go home and hide under my covers. Well what i really wanted to do was to either curl up at my Master's feet, or lay on my pillow gently suckling and block out the rest of the world.
Last night Master told me i could take a long bath before bed, but to take his cock with me and to gently fuck for a while and to feel my Master making love to me, then fuck hard and fast and i would feel my Master's love wash over me as i came very hard. i knew that the with the extra emotions i had running through me, that in feeling his love like that i would cry, so i asked my Master permission to shed diamonds for him, which he granted.
After putting my son to bed, i crawled in the tub with my Master's cock, used it as instructed and came very hard and as i did, the tension of the holiday and the irrational emotions i had been feeling where swept away in a flood of diamonds. i lay there cumming and crying saying over and over "i love you Master". i reluctantly got out of the tub, dried off and crawled into my bed, i lay on my pillow for only a short while before sleep over took me. The last thoughts through my mind were of my Master and just how much i love him.

Normal Working Day Routine

2011-06-24T16:40:00.000-04:00

Today's blog is a little different, below you will find my "typical" routine i follow on a daily basis. At times it changes slightly depending on the circumstance, but generally it is as follows:

0600 Get Up and dress for exercise

0605 Wee, drink, gather things for exercise

0610 To be logged on and on cam, begin exercising

0635 Shower and orgasm in shower

0645 Check weather, dress appropriately as per instructions, dry and tie back hair

0700 - 0800 Place computer in the kitchen, logged in so that Master can turn on my cam, prepare breakfast and lunches for both my son and i, inspected by Master if he is on. Log food in food diary

0800 Lock cunt or leave open if instructed and take son to the bus, log into phone and turn on gps

0805- 1200 Arrive at work, log onto computer as soon as possible, begin working, message Master when i wee, milk and put lock back on. Talk with Master if he is on. Should i have to leave work for any reason, message Master and tell him if he is not on, log onto phone and gps and when i get back, relog on the computer. Write blog if there is time, if not do so at night. Leave messages for my Master if and as required

1200 – 1230 Eat Lunch, log food in food diary

1230 – 1700 Continue working and doing as above.

1700 Leave work, log on phone and gps

1705 - 2100 Arrive home and when possible log onto computer. Prepare dinner, tidy up, log food in food diary, talk to Master if he is on. Spend time with my son, get him ready and put to bed. Do some chores if needed. Relax watching TV, reading, anything till bed time

2100 Be ready for bed, do any tasks that have been assigned, comfort and then sleep.

A Work in Progress

2011-06-23T17:48:00.000-04:00

It's been a little while since i've written, mostly because life had interrupted, but also, because there hasn't been much to talk about really.
A few days ago, Master told me that i could expect to be cumming a lot more often than i had be and to be prepared for it, and i thought i was... but i was wrong. i have said before how it's frustrating to me because i feel like i can't serve my Master the way i should be and have talked about all the silly things that go through my mind because of this. Master has been very patient with me in that he has not punished me for those thoughts or feelings, at least not yet... smiles. But the last few days, Master has been showing me how i do serve and please him in many ways that i never really thought before. One thing my Master loves to do is watch me cumming and this is the primary reason i am spoiled the way i am when it comes to orgasms. Another of my Master's favourite pass times, is to just have me "pose" as he wishes and just look at me while i hold that position for as long as he wishes.
Last night, Master put a twist on both those things. i have been back to my exercises and also did a lot of heavy lifting yesterday, and my body was feeling it already. Master had me stand, get my little bullet and position it inside my pants so that i could stand with my legs closed and my hands behind my head, elbows back. With the bullet buzzing away merrily on my clit, my Master had me stand in that position while he spoke to me. Now at first thought, it didn't seem it would be that hard, but as the minutes passed, the pleasure radiating from my clit was slowly being drowned by the muscles in my arms and legs aching and beginning to knot. Master had me hold that position for quite a while, correcting me if i began to slouch or my elbows came forwards. Finally he allowed me to cum, and i came very very hard, and the double edged sword reared its ugly head.
As the orgasm hit, my muscles were screaming for release and then the orgasm just continued to go on and on and i realized there was no end in sight. Even while cumming i had to maintain the position fighting the need to move my limbs. Master then allowed me to put my arms down and put them behind my back, at first i thought, thank god, they were about to fall off, then as i positioned them behind my back, crossing my wrists over, i felt a new pain in my muscles. The pain, like the orgasm, was just not letting up. Master had me cum again and again, my arms moved from behind me to being out from my sides, shoulder height, they felt like lead and i had to concentrate on keeping them up. The sweat was forming and i could feel my body shaking both from the pleasure of the orgasms sweeping over me and the pain that was filling me. Master ordered me to gush, i gush very hard, my body trembling even more, i could feel charlie horses start in my thighs and i was close to tears.
Finally, Master allowed me to put my hands on my hips, a very welcome relief, the pain beginning to subside as the last waves of orgasm ran through my body. i was quivering and trying to catch my breath when he allowed me to sit and relax. Master just smiled at me and said, i told you this would happen, and you can expect much more of it.
This morning doing my exercises was quite painful and i am still very sore, i know it is good for me, as it shows me i am working, but still and all, it hurts, but worth every ounce of pain!

Some Changes on the Way...

2011-06-17T07:12:00.000-04:00

So as i've said previously, i'm on the mend and things are as "normal" as they will be for awhile and Master has said it is time to get back to where we were before all the interruptions. i am back to my dieting, exercising, dressing properly, wearing my lock, with a slight change. Because i wear my lock to work and often have to walk in a fairly quiet place, you can hear the "chinking" of the lock on the rings as i walk. Now because the point of me wearing the lock is for me to be unavailable and not to get me caught out, Master has allowed me to wear knickers to work with my lock, or any other place it might get heard.
Now i have always had issues with my breasts, i really really dislike them, but Master loves them. i have often said, if someone had told me what breastfeeding can do to your breasts, i'm not sure i would have. But in all honesty, i would have, i wouldn't trade those close moments with my son, but i would change the effect on my breasts! i also know that the breastfeeding alone has not caused them to be the way they are, i have yo-yo'd with my weight since i was a teen. The largest i've been in my adult years is about a size 20 and the smallest, about a 9. So age, skin elasticity and countless other factors have contributed to it. But anyway, long and short of it is, the only time i can remember really liking my breasts was when i was breastfeeding and they were full of milk. They pretty much held their own and were known to pop a button or two.
A long time ago, my Master and i discovered that i still actually produce a little milk, even after all this time, i was surprised. At that time, Master decided i should try to re-lactate. i began trying to pump when possible and used nipple stimulation to try to get it started again, but nothing was seeming to work. Mind you, things always seemed to come up and postpone it happening, so we just let it go to the wayside.
In that last few days, Master has been talking to me about it and i am going to start over again. i have researched it and even without prescription drugs, it is highly possible. All you need is a pump and sheer determination. i am excited about the prospect of being able to lactate again. The thought of my breasts being milked by my Master, me being able to give him even more of myself makes me feel very excited about it.
Just when i think i have nothing more to give, Master always finds a way... smiles

Back at it...

2011-06-15T17:27:00.000-04:00

Well it's been a while since i posted, largely due to the fact i have been pretty ill and ordered bed rest as much as possible. Thankfully today i feel i am on the mend and getting back to my routine. On the diet front, i have lost another 2 pounds so am getting close to my first "goal", that being the lightest i have been with my Master, only 2 more pounds to go!!
Since i last posted, not a whole lot has happened really. my Master recently got to visit with a friend of his and his girl. i was very happy for him to have the break, but yes extremely envious as i wanted to be there too. Master was very good about it all and assured me that even if he didn't have connection, which he wasn't sure he would, that we would be fine. Of course i knew this to be true, but, being ill didn't help matters. i just wanted my Master to be there and care for me, even though, given the distance he can't. Anyways, it was nice though, he did have connection, and they included me when possible, by turning on the laptop and the 4 of us talking together. It was really difficult the first day as it sunk in that he was there and i wasn't and yes i fought back tears, but i was determined not to ruin my Master's holiday with my childishness. Over the days he was there, we were able to talk quite often and even fall asleep "together" on occasion, both of us leaving our computers on so we could watch the other sleeping.
Before he left, my Master asked angel to come and visit me and to do something for him. Shortly after she arrived, she took me by the face and kissed my forehead, something i knew came from my Master, she said your Master wants you to know that he loves you and is here with you. Of course that made me smile and my heart skip a beat. Then when our visit was over, she took me to my bed and tucked me in. i laid propped up by pillows, then she pushed the blanket in all around me, "binding" me in my blanket, placed my arms over the blanket at my side, and again something i knew that had come from my Master.
During a previous visit with my Master, i ended up ill and Master had done the same thing to me, tucked me in tightly and then went into town to do some things, he was gone for a few hours and when he returned not only had a slept peacefully, i had not moved an inch from where he left me. Tucked into bed, warm thoughts of my Master filling my mind, i drifted off to sleep. i awoke a few hours later feeling slightly better.
Master had a very good time away and was mixed about going home. It's a feeling i think all of us that have to hide who we are feel when we have to stop being our true selves and be who everyone thinks and expects us to be. It's not a nice feeling at all and one i have experience several times over to varying degrees. i have had such strong feelings about wanting to just be me, the real me, that i have had the urge to not get on that plane or back in the car. Then reality sinks in and the face of my son flashes through my mind and i remind myself i have responsibilities at home and it is why i have chosen to live my life the way i must, with the sprinkling of how i want added to the top. Sometimes it's a feeling that can last hours or even days, but it does go away. Followed shortly by the prospect of planning another visit as soon as is possible.
i have to say, that not once during these times of "coming down" when i feel like hiding beneath the covers and not coming out, have i questioned why i chose the hard road with Master. i believed then and still firmly believe today that the path that we have chosen is the right path and would not change it for anything. (well... in a perfect world of course i would...lol) Master and i believe that the welfare of our children come first and foremost and nothing will change that. Master says that the only one that outranks him is my son...lol... just one of the many reasons i love my Master so.

Forgotten...

2011-06-07T17:50:00.000-04:00

This morning Master and i got some time alone before i had to go to work, something we don't often get these days. i haven't been feeling well, coming down with a cold or something and with that comes feelings of sadness and missing my Master more than usual. i try not to let it get to me and just plug away at the daily things that need doing. But this morning, Master got my emotions soaring.
After putting my son on the bus, i readied myself for Master, waiting for him kneeling on the bed, naked with only my collar on. Master came on and was happy to see me there waiting for him as i should be. Master instructed me to get out the cock and my wand. He said i had forgotten just how hard i cum for him when he fucks me... he was right. First thing Master did was inspect me, again something we haven't had the luxury of doing in quite some time, yes he has been able to inspect parts of me, but not fully. i presented myself standing, hands behind me and was told to turn and to open my bottom for inspection, i do so immediately, Master was pleased and had me turn again and present my cunt, spread wide for him to see. Once completed my Master had me show him my feet, which are in better shape than they were, as i had worked on them last night and this morning...lol Now to ensure that my feet are properly kept, Master has come up with an idea, after presenting my feet, i must lick between each toe, if that is not possible because of RL, then i have to rub between each toe with my finger then suck on my finger. Well let me tell you that's a really good way to ensure one's feet are clean..lol
When he had finished inspecting me, he had me get on the bed and wet the cock and put the tip just at the opening of my cunt. He spoke to me reminding me of what happens when he drives into me, the fact that i cum instantly and that it happens no matter what, there has not been a time when he has done this that i have not cum. Finally, he said thrust it in deep, and i did, and i came hard. He had me withdraw it and do it again, and again i came, harder than the last time. He asked me to rate the intensity of the orgasm, it was at an 8 quickly reaching 9. He had me pull it out then begin fucking hard and fast, this sent my body into a non stop rolling orgasm, pushing the number higher and higher, it was most definitely at a 10 now. He smiled and said, now, you're going even further. Turn the wand on and put it on your clit and fuck hard and fast. As soon as that wand began buzzing on my clit, my world began to fall in on me, the orgasm kept building and building in intensity, the wand put on high, my toes began to curl, my legs shaking, hard to talk, it quickly reached 20. Then Master had me get on my knees, head down, fuck with the cock and hold the wand on low on my clit, in this position my orgasm continued on an upward swing, i could feel my Master behind me pounding into me, his cock filling me with each thrust, my muscles working feverishly on his cock, the orgasm squeezing him and making his fucking me even harder, now at a 30, i was turned around again kneeling on the cock and instructed to ride it. Ride it i did! i rode it hard, feeling the length of it entering me then leaving and filling me again. The wand on my clit making it ready to explode, it caused the pressure inside me to build fast and i was about to explode then given permission, i felt my body erupt and i gushed on the cock. i continued riding the cock, my body quivering, legs ready to give out, my mind not quite clear. my orgasm reached at least a 40! With that in mind, my orgasm scale is 1 - 10, so i need to "recalibrate" my estimation of them..lol

Master had me take the cock out and relax, let my body settle. It took a little while to feel like i was "back". Master there smiling at me knowing i remembered now.

i quickly got dressed and ready for work and headed out, feeling many things. i got to work and Master and i talked for a while, he is going away on Friday for the weekend, and i so wish i could go with him. He is not sure that he will have internet there just yet, so that has me feeling a bit hmm... uneasy, i hate not being able to talk to him, let alone not see him. After chatting for a while, Master asked me why i was upset. i wasn't sure, i mean i'm not really sure i was/am upset, i couldn't put it into words. Master, knowing me better than i know myself, had the answer. It was in part that i am simply just missing him a lot atm and the other part is that when i feel the power of my Master's love, be it when he is fucking me, whipping me, punishing me or making love to me, i get over whelmed and this time i think it was more because i HAD forgotten the strength of it, because life has taken over so much lately.
Sighs... regardless of how it leaves me feeling atm, i would never not want to feel it, i need it, and by this afternoon or tomorrow, i will be feeling the joy i always do in the days following time alone with Master.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

2011-06-03T10:02:00.000-04:00

To me a picture is worth a thousand words and more. You see, i have struggled with remembering things for a while now. Things that are not so important at times, but also things that are VERY important. Over the last few years with my Master, we would discuss things and he would be shocked that i didn't remember them. And i'm talking things that one should remember. As in the order in which things happened and how they happened.
Here's just the latest example. The blog i wrote about being used and with another girl, it took me nearly all day to remember the sequence of things and it was just a few days before!!! Not only do i have trouble remembering the sequence, i forget key things that happen.
Master has come to realize just how bad my memory is. i have struggled with it and it frustrates me to no end. i would feel devastated when i wouldn't remember something Master did to me when we were together, or how and when something happened. To me, it looked like i didn't care enough or it didn't matter enough for me to remember, and i think for my Master he may have felt that at times, i'm not entirely sure. But he could tell by the look on my face that i was telling the truth when i would say i couldn't remember. Master now laughs and says that my hard drive gets erased when i get fucked...lol. He may well be right, but it still really upsets me to the point of tears sometimes.
In all the times we have been together, Master and i forget to take pictures, well we have a few, but not many and he would say, "We don't need them, we have the memories in our minds", and i could feel the tears well up because most of the time i didn't! Because of this, Master has assured me that from now on we will take a lot of pictures when we are together so that i can have those memories too.
i hate the fact that i can't replay things in my mind, i can sometimes and sometimes things are so clear, but then other times its just a faint memory or a blur. i wish there was something i could do about it, but i'm afraid there isn't.

To Dare To Love...

2011-06-01T10:52:00.000-04:00

To dare to love is to know you will grieve... this girl dared to love.
That line was in my profile when i met my Master and it spoke volumes to him when he read it. It still speaks volumes to me today, i think it always will. Whether you grieve the loss of the person, the loss of the relationship or the loss of the love, you will grieve that loss. But in the end, is it really worth it?
That is a question that has been put to me several times and the answer has always been the same, yes... it is worth it.
i have over the years lost what i thought was love and i grieved it, but in the last 3 years, i have learned the true meaning of love and being loved. It is the most sacred feeling i think one can have. At times my heart is so filled with love i feel as if i can't breath and i might just explode. Other times, i have felt love so strongly that i implode, go loopy i guess and don't know what to do with that feeling. i get giddy, i cry, i have a total melt down sometimes, but in the end i would still say yes it's worth it.
Each time my Master and i have been able to meet in person, i feel so free in being me and dread having to leave and return to my "normal" life. And when i do leave, i grieve the loss of that feeling, the loss of being with my Master physically and it's very hard, no doubt, but it is the choice we have made and i wouldn't change it. Yes of course if i could wave a magic wand and make things the way i wanted, i would do it in a heartbeat, but we all know that isn't possible.
Do i get angry and frustrated? Of course i do, there are days when i would just leave it all behind, save for my son, and hop on a plane and live my life the way i wanted to, would my Master, yes i think he would too. But life isn't that easy and we haven't chosen the easy road. Even far apart, we are close together than most are and i do think that in part, it is because we are apart. Emotions and feelings must be expressed in words because we can't always see each other to be able to read and sense how the other is feeling, although my Master seems to still be able to do it...lol He knows me better than i know myself.
While my journey has been filled with ups and downs, its been the best ride of my life. It has allowed me to find me again. The girl that was lost, stumbling around in the dark, is now shining brighter than ever. Sometimes i want to shout it out loud, tell the whole world who i am and how lucky i am to have been taken by such a wonderful Master and moulded into who i am today....though if i did, it wouldn't be such a good thing...lol The men in white coats might just come...hmmm... although... they do have straight jackets... grins
The reason for this blog today is that i am locked, with no knickers and Master and i were talking about it, as it causes a little pain as the lock shifts when i walk. He asked if i liked the lock and i said i did, and that it made me very aware of it, this pleased him because he had what he wanted. But also, i was not keen on the pain it sometimes caused. His reply was..."The price is a little pain"... to which i replied.. " isn't that always the cost Master?"
This girl knows one day she will grieve, but for all the happiness before it, it is well worth the cost to me.

Not Such a Great Start to the Morning... But Getting Better

2011-05-30T14:00:00.000-04:00

So Monday is upon me yet again, faster than i wanted it to be. Last night i was to fuck my husband, ride him using the wand and cumming 5 times. Then if after that he hadn't cum, i would allow him to stroke and cum on my breasts. Master knowing i was very tired, said i didn't have to take a pic and could just go straight to sleep afterwards. i got up and got ready to go to bed, my husband was still up so i asked if he'd come to bed with me, he wasn't ready, so i said, well don't be to long or you might miss out. i went to bed and fell asleep, he came in some time after 11:00pm and i woke, so i asked if he was tired, he said yes, i said too tired for sex? and his reply was he'd try. He wasn't hard so i stroked him till he was, then climbed on top of him and started to ride him, my back to him, facing his feet. i used the wand and also used it on his cock, which he seems to like and i came twice, we moved in different directions and his cock came out, i reached back to put it back in and he was soft. i got off him and said, hmm, seems you are too tired, he said i guess so. So i rolled over and went to sleep much later than i normally do.
This morning the alarm went off and i got out of bed and headed downstairs to do my exercises, really really not wanting to, only wanting to curl back up in bed and hide from the world. Master was on and i got to my workout, but he knew something wasn't right. i started to explain what had happened and he had to log. i went back up and got my son up, who apparently was in the same mood as i was since i had to fight him on everything this morning to get him off to school. In the meantime Master came on and i explained what had happened and he said it was okay and that it wasn't my fault if my husband wasn't interested.
The last little while has been very difficult, i have not wanted to go to work and want to just do what i want to do. And that is spend time with my Master, since he now has more time. It just seems our schedules are not matching up at all and its getting really really frustrating.
i dressed and went off to work without checking the days forecast, so i wore leggings, knickers, bra, long top and was locked. When i got to work Master was still on and asked me to repeat what i was wearing, it was the same except the addition of my corset. Then he showed me the weather report for the week, it was to be 26C here today. He then asked why i was wearing knickers. i replied that i was because i was locked. He then reminded me that i was to take knickers with me and if i needed to, because the lock was moving too much and hurting me, then i could put them on, otherwise i was to be knickerless. Once reminded, i did remember the conversation, but had honestly forgotten it. Then was the question of the leggings, it was not cold out therefore i shouldn't be wearing any. If my top had been slightly longer, i would have been in just my top. But because it wasn't, Master had me take them off and cut the crotch out of them, then put them back on. He then had me sit and instructed me to show him my knickers, which i held up to the cam, i then had to put them in my mouth. Master spoke to me, told me he loved me and explained the reasons for these rules and that i needed a harsh reminder so as not to forget again. How was i feeling at this point? Really frustrated and angry with myself. i thinl honestly there is something wrong with me some days. i sat there, knickers in my mouth, cut leggings and felt the size of a pea. i don't do these things on purpose, i really don't. And to start my week off with Master like this, i felt devastated.
Master had me take the knickers out, then looked at me and asked what was wrong, besides, the obvious. Wow, where to begin! There just seems so much these days and i HATE having to admit it and let it get to me. But it is past the point of me being able to cope with it as i have been. i tried voicing it all but all of it never comes out. Thankfully, Master knows me as well as he does, and often knows what is going on before i do.
Something that has been at the back of my mind lately i suppose is the fact that Master has a lot more time now than i do. What if he gets fed of up waiting for me? What if he gets bored? It's not fair to him that i am not giving him what he deserves from me, even though he does understand its not intentional. my greatest fear, aside from something happening to my son, is that i no longer have Master. The thought, even now brings tears to my eyes and i find it difficult to breath. Master smiled and said that wasn't going to happen, i am giving him what i can and that is what he needs. Yes, he may play with or use other girls, but he is not out to replace me. i guess sometimes i just need to hear those words, even though i know it in my heart, i need to hear it.
Master sat and looked at me a long while, taking in the despair i was feeling, then told me to unlock and open my legs wide. i then had to spank my cunt 10 times each time a little harder. He looked at me again watching my face for reaction, then instructed me to start smacking again even harder than last time, which i did, my cunt stinging, burning aching, i did as i was told. Again he stopped me and looked at me seeing that i was past the point of crying, unable to, he told me to cry for him. And to my surprise (though i shouldn't be surprised) i did and it felt so good, so freeing, i could feel some of the weight lifting.
Tears running from my eyes, my Master smiling at me, i could feel his love radiating through me. i had needed to cry but had been unable, yes i had a little cry the other night, but i needed more. my Master's love fills me up so much that it makes it hard to think it at times. It's a love i have never felt before, a love i never want to lose. Master allowed me to cry for a while, letting me release some of the stresses and just sat speaking to me calmly and helping me to deal with it. i still have a hard time admitting when i am struggling and i'm not sure why that is, i know Master would be there to help me, but i still have a hard time of it.
After i had calmed and got myself back together, Master instructed me to begin stroking my clit, he began taking me to my rock, a place i haven't been for a while and need to be. Master allowed me to cum several times, each time a little stronger than the last. For a while, all i could focus on was his voice, my vision goes a bit blurry, which makes it difficult to watch for people coming in...lol Master had me cumming strong, then told me to gush for him and i did. i gushed and came so very hard and it wouldn't stop. i kept cumming and with each orgasm, i could feel myself returning, feeling a little more and more myself. The stress beginning to leave me and a calm overtaking me.
Master told me it was over and i could relax and calm. Afterwards, i felt much better and Master could see it too. i am still feeling a bit disjointed, but nothing like this morning. i'm sitting here smiling, watching my Master prepare the evening meal, it looks so yummy and he's drinking a glass of wine. Gosh i could use a drink...lol

Tasks

2011-05-30T12:43:00.000-04:00

Today my husband was in the mood for sex, my son being out all day at a friends gave him the thought to have sex in the afternoon... ugh. Well i still had an outstanding task, so i left a message for my Master asking if i could do that task this afternoon rather than tonight. When my Master logged he granted me permission. So i went and dressed in a bra, knickers and heels, then came out and told my husband that if we hurried, we would get a quickie in before our son came home. He was of course all for it.
Getting into the bedroom i bent over the bed and raising my bottom up, i reached through my legs and stroked him a few times to make sure he was hard, i then directed his cock towards my cunt. He entered me and began fucking me, i used my wand and came two times, each time repeating in my head, "i love you Master, i submit to you Master". It didn't take long for my husband to cum inside me and then he pulled out and was finished. i said no, you're not finished and laid back on the bed and said i want you to lick me. i put my hand down and slipped a finger between my lips gathering some of the cum and then stroking my clit with it.
i really wasn't sure what his reaction would be, but i can't say that it shocked me when he got down on his knees and started licking me. He licked for a while then used his finger to fuck me, to which i said, no use your tongue... and again, he did. So he licked me for a while, and then i said, we had better get going. So got up, he went to the bathroom and i took the pics i am required and sent them to my Master. i had a few minutes to talk to my Master just after then i had to leave.
Tonight Master asked me how i felt about it, and i said i didn't really feel anything, but i wasn't completely repulsed, which i thought i would be, but i wasn't excited by it either. Then Master asked me if i thought i'd be excited if it was someone else's cum he was cleaning up? And i had to answer yes, i think i would be, not by the fact that he was cleaning me up, just more that it wasn't his. And to be honest, i can't explain exactly why that is either, well not yet.
Master has given me another task for tonight, and that is to go to bed, use my wand, cum and then go to sleep, with my husband laying next to me, and not to say anything, just do it. If he talks to me, just tell him to wait, or hush. If he has a hard cock, then i am to tell him to get on his back, then get on him and ride while using my wand till i cum then get off him and go to sleep.

i Just...

2011-05-28T18:28:00.000-04:00

Today i just want to run away, hop and plane and be with my Master. i need to feel the crop till i am a sobbing puddle on the floor, to be bound tight and go to my rock, fucked, used in every way possible, then to be taken into his arms and loved.
It feels like since forever since we have been together, it hasn't really been that long, just feels it. i need to be grounded, to feel whole, to be ME.
i just want things back the way they were before life interrupted us. i know we are working our way back there, i feel his grip of control tighter these days and while i'm doing my best to adjust, i don't dislike it, in fact, i want it, need it, love it.
i know one day soon we will have time together and i will feel better, but then i also know it sends me on a totally different roller coaster of emotions. When i feel my Masters love as strongly as i do at those times, i hit a high, then a low. Master says it erases my hard-drive...lol i think he is right, my mind goes blank and i forget all kinds of things.
But, i would easily take the wipe out for that time alone with my Master. In the meantime, Master keeps this girl on an even keel, making sure i do what i am supposed to and following the rules. i have said many times to my Master that i don't know how he puts up with this crazy girl, who is slightly manic...lol He simply smiles and says, "it's easy, you are my Pleasure".
"my Pleasure" those two little words bring a whole world of light to this girl when she needs it, i really am very lucky.

Big Girls Don't Cry... yes we do...

2011-05-27T06:44:00.000-04:00

For the last 2 days i've had this strange feeling, i can't put it into words, not exactly pin point what the feeling is. But it hit me last night, i want to cry. Why? i don't know, i just feel the need to. Now i'm not a "crier" and before i met my Master, i rarely cried, i mean it, very rarely, how could i show my weakness to others? Even the first time my Master asked me to cry for him, it took a while, but then the flood gates opened. It was the first time in a very long time i had cried in front of anyone, i mean other than say at a funeral. But crying in front of my Master was a relief. i could make all those ugly crying faces and he still loved me, red eyed, snotty nosed, bloated face, didn't matter, he was there with his smiling face to bring me back after a good cry.
my life has been so hectic and my world turned upside down for a long time now and i can sort of see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel now. Master has tightened his grip on me and gotten me back into a regime, i am beginning to feel some semblance of order in my life again. i suppose its all a mixture of what has transpired over the last while that i need to feel that release. i have been missing my Master so very much lately, we seem to not get a lot of time together so that factors into it. i haven't been feeling well or getting much sleep. my days are filled and so are my evenings, there is very little "me" time. And by "me" time, i mean time to be the real me, my Master's Pleasure.
Tonight, before saying goodnight, i asked my Master if i could shed diamonds tonight, Master calls my tears his diamonds, as they make him rich... smiles. i explained to him how i had felt, and that i wasn't sad really, but didn't know what it was. He smiled and said yes i could, then he said, its relief you are feeling, that you have order in your life again.... sighs... yes, that is it. He knows me better than i know myself. So tonight, while i take my bath, i will shed my diamonds and feel the wonderful release that comes with it.

Feeling Miserable

2011-05-25T15:33:00.000-04:00

Today is not such a good day, i had such a headache last night that when Master logged on we chatted a bit and then he told me to lay down and rest while he watched over me... smiles, i do love when he watches over me, i feel safe and secure even though he's miles away. i managed a little sleep, then i had to sit up since laying down made me feel as if i would vomit. We talked a while and i was told to be in bed early and to get a good sleep. Master logged and i rested and watched a movie he told me about, it was really quite funny. Afterwards, i went to bed but had a restless sleep, as they seem to all be lately.
This morning i woke still feeling rough and running to the toilet every 20 minutes or so. i got myself and son ready and then off to work i went, i didn't put my lock on as i was worried i might not get it off in time when i had to go to the toilet. Needless to say, i am feeling just miserable today.
Master came on and we talked, i told him i was not locked and why. He wasn't pleased i had made the decision on my own, even though he likely would have allowed it, i should have worn it then asked to take it off. And yes, in my mind i thought, that seems a tad unreasonable, but then in reality, no, it isn't. It's a rule i have that if i am out of the house i am to be locked unless i am given express permission not to be. The reason for this is that when i am unlocked, i can be used by anyone who wants to use me and i am not allowed to deny anyone. Therefore, going out of the house unlocked without permission, leaves me in a worse predicament should someone wish to use me, and that is an even worse punishment, being used without permission. It's a vicious little circle that i did not fully consider when i left unlocked this morning. Master was not upset with me per say, but not pleased either.
Over the last while, Master has been tightening his grip of control over me and today it stepped up another notch. We put together an exercise routine that i must do on the days i am well enough to do them. my life has been turned upside down and is crazy hectic and stressful, so Master has allowed me to veer off course a little more than usual because of this. And i know that i have had bad heads and tummy aches because of the stress, and again Master has understood that and not pushed me. But now it is time to get back on track.
Master has set out a daily regime for me, when i get up at the specified time, i am to get dressed, go wee, then log in and begin my exercises, once done, i wake my son and get his breakfast going, then shower, cum once in the shower any way i wish and then get ready for work. If i log out of my computer, i am to log on my phone with my GPS on so that Master knows where i am at all times and can reach me if he so chooses. Once dressed, i am to put on my lock and finish what has to be done to go to work. At work i am to log and report to him what i am wearing, what i have had for food intake, my exercises (if he is not there when i do them) and if for some reason i have to leave work, i am to log on my phone with GPS on. When i leave work, if i am not going straight home, i am to tell him and leave my phone and GPS on. At home i am to log on my computer as soon as i am able to. Master reviews my food for the day and if i have forgotten to record something or forgotten my book, i am penalized "points" in my food. At the time specified, i am to begin getting ready for bed and be in bed at the time set by my Master. i am to pleasure for as long as i wish at night but no cumming, then i may go to sleep.
And there you have it... a day in the life of Pleasure. Am i upset about it, no, do i need it, YES! i know some of what i have been feeling is that loss of control he had over me before everything seemed to fall apart last fall. i need that control, as hard as it is for me to remember everything and i know i will mess up and be punished, but i know i will feel all the better for it.
i am missing my Master very very much lately, what is it exactly that i am missing... all of it, i want to sit at his feet, lay on my pillow, feel his arms around me, his mouth on mine, i want him to use me, fuck me, make love to me. i want to feel the sting of the crop and the welts rise all over my body, i want to feel that release the crop gives me and peace in my mind that comes afterwards, i want to feel his bindings on me, i want to drift off to my rock and feel him bring me back. i want it ALL and i want it NOW.... sighs... but it will have to wait... smiles, all i can think is, life interrupted... grumbles, how dare it...lol
A little side note.. after writing this, i have to admit i feel a little better already just getting it all out... smiles

A Funny Thing Happened Today

2011-05-24T16:20:00.000-04:00

While at work, Master and i chatted a while, then he had me rubbing, using my conditioning, he had my nipples, clit and lip tingling while my mouth watered. He had me rub and rub while talking to me then allowed me to cum, i came fairly hard and had to continue rubbing until he said otherwise. i continued rubbing as i looked into the cam (his eyes) and felt him entering my mind, wandering the corridors there, such a wonderful feeling that is! i continued to rub and cum, then my Master said, put two fingers inside and rub up behind your clit... i couldn't! i am locked...lollll
When i told my Master that, he looked shocked at first then laughed and said hmm, I guess i should have told you to unlock first! i couldn't help but giggle that my Master's lock succeeded in even keeping him out today.
Just a short little funny i thought i'd share... now on with my day.. smiles

Training and Conditioning

2011-05-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

After a busy weekend i wasn't sure what to write really, so Master thought he'd give me a reminder... smiles. This morning, Master had me go to the washroom and rub to within a breath of cumming then come back to him. Then i was to do the same an hour later. That of course kept me on edge pretty much the rest of the day. When he came on tonight, had me rub again close to orgasm and again denied me, but kept me on the edge longer this time. Finally he had me rub fast and light then to get ahold of my clit and jerk it fast, was sooo very hard to keep from cumming, but without permission, my body just won't cum. my Master sat and talked to me for a few minutes, then suddenly held up his fingers and snapped them and ordered me to cum. my body reacted without hesitation and began cumming. Master reminded me of the training and conditioning i have been taught.
In the beginning i had a really hard time holding back my orgasms and slipped a few times, though back then it was okay, i would be punished, but not too severely. Now is a whole other story, i don't want to even think of the punishment for that. my training started slow with my Master having me rub till i felt the orgasm building, then push a little further each time, pushing the edge further away. Then Master would have me rub just to the edge and make me stop and not move, if i moved, i would orgasm without having to touch myself anymore. Then as time went on, Master taught me to respond to the snap of his fingers. He would have me rubbing and on the edge of an orgasm, then snap his fingers and give permission for me to cum and cum i would! After a time, Master could have me rub, then snap his fingers and i would cum on demand. Master conditioned me to cum on demand, his command, or the snap of his fingers.
Master has also conditioned me in other ways, those being that i have been conditioned to be at a steady 7 (the level of wetness at which a cunt is ready for use), my mouth watering when he says, my nipples and clit tingling when he says and even crying on demand for him.
There are no two ways about it, my body belongs to him and obeys him. It does as he pleases when he pleases, how he pleases and for how long he pleases. It used to scare me a little when it would happen, my body out of control, yet it wasn't, it was very much in control, just not mine! Master is getting me back on track and in that he is revisiting the training and conditioning he has already done. For many reasons, things have slowed my progress, and at times its very hard for me to focus and get back to where i was. my greatest fear is that my body will not respond or will not listen, but Master says that's just silly because it doesn't listen to me, it listens to him... smiles, and he is right, it does. That isn't to say that once the wand "re-training" comes in i won't be worried. When things were going well, Master would have me moving the wand over my clit, keeping me on the edge and not letting me cum for close to about 40 min i think. That is a really really long time, trust me, for those of you who care to try, i'd love to hear from you...lol
i know that my body responds to him, i know it's silly of me to think otherwise, but i can't help but worry. As Master tells me often, it's his responsibility and to just butt out!
So onwards and upwards we go, i'm sure i'll be writing about it more in the future... grins

Oh What A Night!.... Part 2

2011-05-19T08:07:00.000-04:00

As angel was being fucked, my Master directed me to take her by the hair and hold her head up and to keep it up, so that she could not look down. While doing this i was to kiss her and fuck her mouth with my tongue, then to suck her nipples and play with her breasts. Sir J pounded her hard and fast and she was off in her own little world of pleasure. Her breasts swayed and jerked as he fucked her and i held her head tight as she tried to put her head down. After a while she was begging to cum, my Master told me to tell her to cum and that she wasn't allowed to stop cumming, Sir J just kept fucking her and my Master directed me to pinch and twist her nipples, increasing the pain slightly as she kept cumming. Finally, my Master allowed her to take a little break and we all sat and relaxed a little.
Once the rest was over, angel was directed to begin sucking Sir J and i used the wand on her, she kept trying to get away from the wand and i held her clit tight so she couldn't move and Sir J held her upper body as well. She couldn't continue sucking him as i used the wand on her as her thought process was not working and she was afraid of biting him...lol... not a good thing! i held the wand on her as directed and did not let up, every time i started to let up on her my Master would tell me to keep it up, don't ease up that this is what she needs. He was of course right... smiles. We had her cumming for about 10 min and she finally begged for it to stop, after begging for a few minutes longer, my Master allowed it to stop and give her another rest.
Next came the stretcher, my Master had me put it on angel's ankles and on her own suggestion... grins, we attached her wrist cuffs to the stretcher as well. i was then told to tie her collar to the stretcher too. The poor girl was getting more than she bargained for...lol Once in that position, my Master had me push her over onto her back so that her legs were up in the air over her tummy. i then got between her legs and licked her clit, then took it between my finger and thumb and held it tight while i licked it, then put the wand back on it till she was close to cumming again. Then my Master said it was time for Sir J to fuck her again. He fucked her hard and fast for a while then we released her from the stretcher. While she let her arms and legs rest, Sir J licked her cunt and i stroked then sucked him till he was hard again. i couldn't help but smile smugly to my Master in my ability to get him hard in a relatively short period of time.
During this time, my Master asked me if i thought i could take being fucked even for a short time. i said i was and was hoping he would allow it, and he did. i turned myself to face the cam and presented my bottom, back arched, bottom and head both pressed upwards. Sir J entered me from behind and began fucking me really hard and fast, i could feel my pleasure building quickly and i asked my Master if i could use the wand so i could cum quickly as i knew i couldn't take it for long. He allowed me to use the wand and in a matter of seconds i was asking to cum and i came quite hard, soon followed by Sir J cumming hard also.
After he pulled out, i removed the condom and cleaned his cock with my mouth and tongue and ran my thumb up the tube to get the last drops out. Angel then leaned over to clean him as well and complained because there was nothing left as i had cleaned him too well...lol Then angel and i sat breast to breast and i shared the cum from the condom with her, letting it spill down our breasts, we rubbed it into each other, then i sucked her nipples and her mine. we smiled at each other with that sense of pride in receiving the cum, having done what we were told to do and doing it well.
Earlier while angel was being used, she had a potty mouth..lol and racked up 17 strikes of the crop with the improper use of the word "fuck". Now my Master has a steadfast rule, no cursing or foul language. You may say fuck, but only in the proper context. And angel didn't use proper context. So, as directed, she got on her hands and knees and i delivered 17 strokes of the crop to her bottom and thighs, she also received 2 strikes from Sir J for wrongs against him. In the end, she had a wonderfully striped and bruised bottom. On the flip side, i had far too much fun explaining the improper use of the word fuck to Sir J when he asked why angel was getting the crop, that i myself earned 6 stripes. Angel delivered the stripes although she definitely needs to work on her aim...lol so i went home with six stripes on my bottom and an extra little spring in my step.
Master was so happy with the events of the night, even though every thing didn't work out exactly as he had originally planned, it all worked out well and we look forward to another meeting when i am fully recovered, as my Master says he will have me used and fucked to within an inch of my life... grins. my Master says angel and i are good girls and it's his firm belief that good girls need using and fucking.

Oh What a Night!.... Part 1

2011-05-16T16:53:00.000-04:00

The end of the week finally came, i was glad too, though had some hesitations. Friday was the day i was going to "angel's" house and she and i were going to be used... yay... sort of... As it turned out, i got an infection earlier in the week that meant my cunt was out of order, or might be, we had to wait and see. So because of that, i wasn't able to be properly used.. booo... But, it would afford me the opportunity to serve my Master to the best of my ability and not to be pleasured myself, a pretty new concept for me.. giggles. You see, my Master spoils me. He loves to make me cum and cum and cum and well you get the point. So, i am not a girl that is used to pleasuring others without at some point getting my own pleasure out of it. Master keeps saying he is going to change that and i know he will, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't hope it was later rather than sooner...lol
Anyways, Friday trudged on and it was finally time to go. my cunt and clit weren't as sore as they had been in the previous days, so my Master said "we'll see" and i just left it at that. i arrived at angel's house, bottle of wine in hand and opened it pretty much as soon as i got in the door. i don't know what or why it is, but i get really really nervous just before i meet with anyone to be used. The wine helps to calm things just enough so i can relax into it, but not enough that i am drunk, that wouldn't be good. we sat and chatted while she got herself ready, we drank some wine had some appetizers and waited for my Master to log in and also for Sir J to arrive. my Master logged in and looked us both over, pleased with how we were presenting ourselves, i was dressed in bra, knickers, collar, cuffs and heels.. smiles. As it turned out, Sir J was late and my Master was not in the mood to wait for him, so he had me begin pleasuring angel, first with my fingers, then with the wand, since she was only about a 5, and you need to be a 7 to be usable. While i played with her clit with the wand, my Master told her how the evening was going to go. i just smiled as her face turned to shock when she was told that she would be the one receiving the wand torturing and that the spreader was going to be used on her instead of me, since i wasn't able to do it. She did actually try to protest and talk her way out of it, silly girl, it doesn't work with my Master, i have learned long ago, just keep quiet and do it, its much easier that way...lol
After about 10 min with the wand on her clit, me pinching it so that it couldn't hide and the head of the wand directly on it, she was begging to cum and i stopped, she was not allowed to cum. Luckily for her it was about that time that Sir J showed up. She met him at the door and brought him into the living room.
No time for small talk, we sat him down and started rubbing his cock through his jeans as he started to chat to angel. One of the tasks of the evening was for both of us to suck his cock, it was something that he had not had before, two girls sucking it at the same time. So angel and i set about doing our task, one would suck and deep throat him, the other would lick and suck his balls, we would play along the shaft with our tongues at the same time, suck on either side of the head, suck the head while the other licked or stroked the shaft, played with his balls, the list goes on. Sir J was enjoying this thoroughly and because of it he held back from coming, i caught my Master's eye and he called me to the laptop and said it was time for Sir J to fuck angel. i nodded and got up and got the condom from the table and put it on Sir J's cock, then directed angel to get on all fours facing the laptop. At this point i put the headset on so that my Master could direct me in Domming angel as she was fucked.

Alone Time!!!

2011-05-11T17:27:00.000-04:00

This morning i was so hoping for alone time with my Master as it has been ages and as i logged in i saw him online and was really happy, then had a momentary pause when i opened the chat window to see he was mobile... ugh... i thought for sure something had come up and we wouldn't get our time. After getting my son off to school, i came back into the house and checked again, still mobile.... then poof there he was.. YAY! The call started and of course, my computer decided to shut down and update at the same time. So i sat for what seemed like ages waiting for it to reboot and finally it did. When Master finally got through, i was sitting naked on the couch waiting for him smiling.
Master was very happy and yes we had some alone time. Master started with a full inspection of me, beginning with mouth, teeth, tongue, nose, ears, then breasts, i squeezed each one and managed a drop of milk from each, then he had me lay down for a close up of my cunt, which was in desperate need of waxing and then my bottom. Master then proceeded to inspect my feet, which in the past have been punishable... and they passed!! He was very pleased.
Next came a bit of a surprise, Master wanted me to dance for him! Dance ?!? No music no warning, nothing. Of course i stood there laughing and then the countdown started... 5...4...by 3 i had some music on and was trying my best, he stopped me and said no dirty dance, like you're fucking someone on the dance floor. Face instantly red, i begin gyrating my hips and shaking my bottom. He chuckled and said see you can do it. He recorded my dance for comparing later on to see if my dance classes do any good or not...lol He had me watch what he recorded and i couldn't help but just laugh and go red. He asked why i looked that way and i said its one thing to dance, its another to see everything shaking and moving like that! He said well, that's the way it should be. So glad he sees me with his eyes and not mine, it really does help with my self image and the way i look at myself now has changed drastically from when he and i first met.
Master then had me stand back and just looked me over, then said "Get the dress"... groans.... the dress he loves, my goal dress, the dress i've grown to hate...lol Master laughed at my groan and face at having to get "the dress" and off i went to get it. i came back put it on and zipped it up as far as it could go, there is still about 4" to zip at the top, but that is the hardest place to lose, but it will happen, and Master said that i will end up loving that dress. Time will tell!
We chatted a little more, then i was off for my waxing, so now i will be able to post a few pics of my rings and lock. Waxing my cunt is a love/hate thing. i love the way it feels after, so smooth and soft, but the waxing itself can be pretty intense, especially if you aren't well or it has been a while, which was the case for me.
Tonight i'm off rushing again here and there... thank goodness the weekend is almost here!

Hmmmm

2011-05-11T09:28:00.000-04:00

Well today has been a really busy day and have barely had time to breath! On an up note, my Master and i were able to have a little time together to chat so that was good, it doesn't seem to happen too often these days unfortunately. Though i'm hoping with a little luck we might get some alone time tomorrow. i know we could both use it.
i seem to be running out of days already this week, as it is filled with appointments and running my son here and there, i really do need an extra day this week, where normally i am the first to agree that there should only be 3 days in a work week...lol Being busy at work has its perks, it makes the day go by fast, but at the end of it i sometimes look around and think.... what did i really do?? Then pack up and know i have to face it all again tomorrow.
Today was much nicer out, i have been able to bring out the skirts again.. yay!!! A little too cool yet for the sun dresses, but getting there.
i can honestly say i really don't know what to write today.... my mind is drawing a complete blank, it keeps whirling around thoughts of my Master and what i look forward to in the fall. One thing i have loved, is that when we have been together the last few times, we have had a long drive ahead of us. Now you may think, are you nuts you miss a long drive?? But i do. When we drive together, for the first while, because i am jet lagged, i sit in the seat next to him, and dreamily stare at him thinking how lucky i am and not believing that i'm actually there. i gently stroke his arm, his thigh, the back of his neck, over and over to the point that i keep asking him if i am annoying him...lol He always says no, its fine and he likes it. He drives the miles and most often keeps his hand on my bare thigh, his hand moving up under my skirt occasionally to my bare cunt to play with my clit or fuck me with his fingers quickly bringing me to orgasm. Over the hours i sleep off and on, each time waking and beginning my cycle of staring and stroking. i have to honestly say i don't think i could ever tire of it. This next time we meet however, we won't have the drive that we have had in the past, but that's okay, it will just add time to us being able to do other things... grins wickedly. i will miss the drives, but the memory is forever with me, and often while driving in my own car, i look to my side and can see Master sitting there with me.
Sighs.... memories... i love them and hate them at the same time, they bring to the forefront that i am missing him so much, but they make me smile and feel him closer. Sometimes, when thinking back, i can feel his breath on my neck, my cheek, my ear, feel his hand in my hair or slipping round my waist over my tummy to pull me into him... smiles, with that thought, i think i'll sign off and keep thinking my wonderful thoughts.

Ahhh... the start of another week...

2011-05-09T17:52:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend i ended up with a really bad migraine which left me pretty much immobile Saturday night and feeling like a train wreck on Sunday. My son woke me with a Happy Mother's Day hug and kiss and then proceeded to make me breakfast, which consisted of cereal and milk...lol Hey its the thought that counts right? The morning trudged on and i spent most of it laying on the couch trying to shake the after effects of my migraine medication and snoozing off and on. Master and i talked a little when he got online, but then he told me to go back to resting. After dozing off for a few hours i woke feeling much better and only the residual dull din of a headache lingering, so i got up and went outside to play with my son. It was a beautiful day, sunny, but the wind is still cold. My son went to the park with some friends so i retreated back to the house to prepare dinner, which by the way turned out wonderful!
Yesterday was weigh day and i was down 1/2lb, not the best, but at least something. i just could not get my body to cooperate and get on the treadmill last night so will have to do double duty tonight... ugh! i spoke with Master this morning and asked if i could look into yoga classes, i think it would be fun, i'm relatively flexible as is, but more flexibility can't hurt and Master does like a "bendy girl"...lol
This week is going to be really busy, i have a lot of appointments and things to go to so that means of course, less time with Master. i have been missing him alot these past few days, not sure exactly why, or what triggered it, but i have, and as per the norm, when i get like this it ends up that our schedules usually don't mesh and we don't see much of each other. i know i'll be fine, and yes he is with me all the time, but there are just some days that i would give my eye teeth just to have his arms around me.
One good thing on the horizon is that we have a plan to meet up this fall and spend 2 weeks together, i can't wait! i miss the "not having to do anything" when we are together. By that i mean, i'm not responsible for anything, i don't have to think, just do. He chooses what i wear, what i eat, what i do, it's so simple, for many they wouldn't understand it, but i am completely free of all responsibility when we are together.
The "to-do" list while we are together seems to get longer every time we talk about it. Our last meeting didn't go as planned and was cut short, so many important things didn't happen, all of which can only be done by my Master, so we have had to patiently wait. In the meantime, it gives this girl a chance to get back into shape and be "fucking fit"... giggles

Conflicting Thoughts

2011-05-06T16:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a pretty busy day, which is good and bad. i still seem to tire easy these days, but with it being busy, time seems to go by quicker. i got on the treadmill last night for 30 min, man how i forgot what it felt like..ugh.. was so happy to see that time hit 0:00! i so need to get back into shape or i will never be able to keep up to my Master...lol
Last night i had a task to make my husband cum which i did, riding the cushion that holds the wand and sitting on my dildo while sucking him. i had to take charge last night, which i'm always fairly reluctant to do, but it seems to work for him, so as instructed by my Master, i took charge and had it go the way my Master planned. i was allowed to cum as much as i liked on my cushion and to put on a little show for my husband to help him along. It worked and before long he was cumming on my chest. i rubbed it in, then put things away and went to bed pleasuring myself before going to sleep.
This morning i woke still tired, but laid in bed lazily pleasuring while my husband showered, when he got out i went and showered and brought myself to orgasm in the shower. Master is trying to get me back to where i was before all the set backs and in doing so has reinstated my pleasuring in the morning and at night and also 1 orgasm in the shower. i'm glad to be back into a routine, makes my life much easier to deal with even if its not all back in order, its getting there.
Now something that has been an issue from the beginning began to fade before the set backs, but is now back, is the fact that it annoys me at times when my husband uses me. The reason i think is two fold. One, is that it brings back memories of me always pleasuring him and getting nothing in return and two is the fact that he seems to not be able to cum unless i suck and or stroke him. i guess its a feeling of not being appealing enough for him to get off just fucking me. For years i thought it was me, well my cunt to be exact. i always worried maybe i was too lose or something. Well as i have come to find out that isn't the case at all and Master actually laughed at me when i asked him if he could feel my muscles working the first time we met. i have cum so hard that i have pushed my Masters cock out or my muscles work so tight that it makes it difficult to get in and the cock has to push past them. So what is his problem? Who knows, maybe he jerks off too much or has watched too much porn that the only way he gets off is that he imagines he's watching a video instead of it actually happening to him, shrugs... i don't know.
Master sets my use or fucking by my husband as a task to make it easier for me, and most times it is. But sometimes it still bothers me. Its a task, plain and simple, get the job done as instructed and be done with it and with it being set by my Master, i have no right to let it annoy me, so i end up fighting my feelings on it. i know its necessary to keep my husband happy, and Master and i are now seeing a pattern in that if i take control, he can cum, if he does it his way, most often he can't. How am i feeling about all this, i'm not sure to be honest, sometimes i think it would be easier to yes just take control and keep him happy, other times i feel as if for all he has put me through, he doesn't deserve it. But it is not for me to decide and Master will make the right decisions and help me to keep on track.

My Least Favourite Words...

2011-05-05T16:10:00.000-04:00

Diet & Exercise... ugh
Well as i have said in the past, i have been on the never ending yo yo of trying to lose weight. i asked my Master help me with this and he has. Over the time, my Master has given me various exercises and helped me to choose the diet that seems right for me. He rewards me when i lose and punishes me when i gain. i have been recovering from surgery so Master has not insisted that i follow any particular diet or exercise routine. But now that i am recovered, it all begins again.
i have been trying to watch what i eat and am following a diet plan approved by my Master, and so far its working not too badly. The other day Master said it was time to start exercising again... ugh.. i hate exercising, unless of course its in the form of fucking...lol So i pulled out my treadmill and dusted it off, will have to reorganise my workout area again and find my exercise schedule and get back at it.
Way back when i asked my Master if i could lose weight, he never saw the need for it mind you, but i did, he said i want you to go and buy a dress in the size you would like to be, so happily i did. And now, nearly 3 yrs later, i still don't fit in it, and have grown to dislike it...lol i will say though, i have lost about 25 pounds in that time, and i suppose, having lost it slowly like that, it should be easier to keep off.
Master has me keeping a food journal as well and showing it to him periodically to make sure i am on track. The diet is not that bad really, i can eat whatever i like, just have to keep it within my daily limits. Master has said i can even have a creme brulee this weekend!!! He had it at a restaurant and told me about it as he ate it, had me drooling at my desk...lol But of course, having that means more exercise... have i told you i hate exercise?...lol
Anyways, i asked for it, so i got it, Master is the best trainer and the whip is the best motivation i have found yet...lol

So Who's a Dirty Girl....?

2011-05-04T15:47:00.000-04:00

So as i am settling into my day's work, Master logs in :)... i told him of the events, or non-events as it were, of the night before and he said that was okay and then asked if i was locked. i said no, and he said go and put the lock on now. i quickly get the lock then head to the toilet to put it on and think, hmm, i need to wee, so i come back to the computer and ask permission to wee before i put on the lock. Master smiles and says, what a good idea... to which i think, hmmm... uhoh. Then Master says, you can go wee after i talk to you about a really pressing matter. i quickly search my mind thinking, oh no what did i forget to do, or did something happen? As it turns out, Master was concerned about running water and the sound it makes as it trickles into the bowl... ugh! So quickly i try to redirect the conversation away from water and say that i think the issues of the Gobi desert are much more pressing... FAIL! Master agrees and begins discussing the millions of gallons of water required and the pipes in which the water need run, and the need for dams so that the water can run through small streams throughout the land!
As i sit here trying NOT to think of water, Master asks what i am drinking, coffee is my reply. He sends me to get a glass of water. i look at the glasses in the cupboard and of course part of me wants to pick the smallest one, but i know better, so i choose a regular size one, t
hen run the tap... of course.. till the water is cold enough to drink and return to my desk. Next words... drink. Down it goes, cold liquid filling my bladder, which at this point i am sure is above my tummy and has a direct line. Then he says, get another, and off i go, and down it goes too.
At this point Master gives me a choice, i can go to the toilet and masturbate while i wee, or i can go for half a wee. Now for any of you that have ever had to only go half a wee... you know how excruciating that is as your bladder begins to convulse and it ends up hurting. So, i think well, the first choice seems better, i tell Master my choice. To which he replies, I knew you'd choose that one.. slut.... another glass. i reluctantly get the next glass of water and manage to choke it down, its much harder to drink that much water in a short amount of time than one thinks.
i put down the cup and my Master says, when you go, i want you to try to cum as you are weeing, that is assuming you need to wee... or do you need more water? i vigorously shake my head no as my bladder begs to be released. Master smiles and sends me on my way.
i get to the toilet, pull down my pants quickly, my thoughts focused on holding my wee, i sit down and begin to rub fast and light, nothing is happening, i can only think to not wee. i stand up, put my legs together and start rubbing as fast as i can, light isn't working, so i rub harder, i'm trying to keep things quiet as the zipper on my jumper rattles, my rings rattle and suddenly my clit jumps to life. i rub as if my life depends on it and when finally i feel the orgasm approaching i quickly sit down on the toilet and cum! As i cum i continue rubbing and my wee sprays everywhere... groans.. i kept rubbing till the urge to wee over took the orgasm. i stopped rubbing, then with a spasming cunt, tried to wee. i had to push against the muscles and only a trickle would come out till finally i could relax enough to wee.
i quickly cleaned up the wee that had sprayed out of the bowl, washed my hands, locked my cunt with shaking hands and tried to compose myself as i emerged from the toilet. i get back to my desk, smiling and giggling and see my Master with a huge grin on his face. i told him in detail what had happend and he was very very pleased. He has been waiting for an opportunity like this, and has noticed, that i am very careful about where i am or what i am doing when i ask to wee... and i thought he didn't notice...lol, silly slut!
With that being done, i have sealed my fate as a dirty girl... grins, i am now officially my Master's needy greedy dirty cum slut... mmmm what a lucky girl i am!

Finally Back

2011-05-03T10:05:00.000-04:00

Wow, what a week, i have been sick for about a week and still having to run around and work, so made things even more difficult than they normally are, but then again, who said it was easy?!? There were plans in place for me to be used, but because i was sick, they had to be cancelled, we are hoping to reschedule soon, as Master said i am well past due a good fucking...grins.
Last night, i was given permission to be used but with a twist. i was to put lube into my cunt, about as much as 2 men's cum, then have my husband fuck me while i used my wand, and i was allowed to cum 3 times during this. The thought of this excited me even though i have not been in the mood being sick, i was looking forward to it. As luck would have it, my husband got called out to work and didn't come home till very late so it didn't happen.
Now the reason behind this twist is that i have had the thought of coming home after being used, filled with another man's cum, and then having my husband fuck me without knowing. The thought of that arouses me on some level that i don't fully understand yet. my Master and i have been talking about it a lot lately and have come to some conclusions.
As with many other submissives, i was abused sexually by different people to various degrees through out my childhood, and even later, was mentally abused as an adult, which i suppose somehow brought me to where i am today. How/why this happens is a question that is still beyond me. Is it that because we had no choice in our bodies being used for another's pleasure when we were younger, and that somewhere along the line we decided subconsciously that we wanted to have the choice? Did i like the fact that i had no control, even if i didn't understand it, but didn't like that i didn't have a choice? Is that why we then seek out someone that will control us, not abusively and nurture us, but most importantly, truly love us through out it? i like to think it was my choice in choosing to serve my Master, but when you break it all down, was it really, did i consciously make the choice, did it just happen naturally, or was i compelled by something deep inside me to beg for my Master's collar? i don't know, sometimes i think i have the answer, other times i haven't a clue.
The one thing that has become clearer, is the reason i choose to humiliate weak men. Yes, me, the submissive, the slave, gets a kick out of humiliating so called Doms and men that are seen as strong and have on occasion even turned the tables on them by having them do things very unDom. The reason is this... when i was abused, it was always at the hands of someone i "thought" was a strong male figure, but have realised since, they are just weak pathetic boys in a man's body. So, for my own peace of mind, i find ways of humiliating those men, even if they don't know it. i am not cruel in that i humiliate them to their face, but get my own private satisfaction when i do it. An example of this is going home after being used with the cum of another man on my breasts and then having my husband suck and lick them. i know what's going on, he doesn't and i get some satisfaction from it. Is it because i'm a little Domme... no i don't think so... Is is because i'm a little sadistic, hmm... perhaps... grins. But all i know is that i get to smile about it and then go on with my day.
Now some of you may think that these "tricks" i play on my husband is unfair, but i assure you he has it and even more coming to him. my marriage has not been the happiest times of my life, and i don't see that changing anytime soon. But because life is complicated, i choose to stay in my marriage and with the help of my Master, i am becoming more independent of that life and finding my joy where i can.
Well i have rambled enough and have plenty of work to do, so i am off to start my day :)

A Night Out

2011-04-25T18:20:00.000-04:00

Last night was good fun, we went for dinner and then the others had a couple drinks. my drinking comes in tonight as i'm having a house party and don't have to worry about getting home or anything. Though i can't have much, since the Easter Bunny needs to visit at some point, and i can't forget where i hide the eggs just in case my son can't find them all...lol We got in about midnight and this morning woke about 6am, me feeling like i had a hangover and i wasn't drinking! How fair is that??
Today i am busy getting the food and drinks ready for tonight, Master is off to a BBQ, since its really hot where he is, and i wake to snow!! Am i jealous? oh you betcha i'm jealous, i soooo want to be in the warmth now, not to mention be with my Master... grins
Master and i got to chat a little before he left, and he instructed me to go and put my lock on, i am to leave it on until tonight when i fuck my husband, then to put it back on in the morning. Walking around with it on while i get the house ready, i can feel my Master with me and it makes me smile. Yes, my collar does the same, but there is something about a lock on your cunt that just sort of drives it home...lol
Well i better be off and finish getting ready, will be a busy day and long night, perhaps tomorrow i'll get some rest, after the Easter Brunch then later dinner... i'll be ready for bed at 8:00pm tomorrow.
Happy Easter all, enjoy!

My day off...

2011-04-22T18:06:00.000-04:00

So today was pretty good, got lots accomplished, though not as much as i would have hoped, but i think tomorrow will be better. Not much to write about today really, just house cleaning and organizing. Going out to dinner tonight, so that will be nice.
Tomorrow night we're having guests for dinner, so i get to be creative in the kitchen, haven't decided what i'm making yet, but i'm sure it will be good. Tomorrow during the day will be more of the same as today, as i'm sure Sunday will be too.
Though Sunday morning should be fun with my son and the Easter Bunny :) Glad he is still at the age he believes in the Easter Bunny, makes it fun.
i think that's about all i have to say today..lol, will soon have to dip into my memories and pull out some good ones.

Hmmm.. makes you wonder..

2011-04-21T16:11:00.000-04:00

So the "pleasure" scented pillow didn't do its trick last night, kinda makes you wonder if he noticed...lol, although he seemed to sleep well. my night ended with putting my son to bed and taking a hot bath trying to rid myself of the headache i had all day.
Today has been really busy at work but am actually looking forward to my days off, even though i know they will be hectic. Maybe by Monday, i'll have some semblance of order back in my life... ha! who am i trying to kid. In talking to my Master today, it occurred to us that both our lives have been non stop since about Sept of last year, with various crisis popping up on us. We both desperately need a break from it.
i am glad though however things are slowing for my Master, though we both know when it hits a lull, that's when disaster seems to strike and he has to jump to the rescue at work, so we will see how long it lasts for him, i'm hoping that history doesn't repeat itself and he can actually finally have some breathing room.
my Master is hoping to visit a friend of his in the near future and that has me in a bit of a funk. Don't get me wrong, i'm very happy for him to get the break and its not like every time he goes away, i feel the need to be there. But it is past the time we were supposed to be together, and his friend will have his girl with him, and i just want to be there. To interact with another couple in the lifestyle, it would be quite a lot of fun i would think. Him being away like that just brings home the fact that as it stands now, i have no idea whatsoever when i will be able to get away. Master always says that opportunities have a way of presenting themselves, and i know he is right, but right now, its hard to see the light at the end of this horrible tunnel.
Who knows, maybe i'll win the lottery or something and then i can do as i please...lol, yeah yeah i know, fat chance... but a girl's gotta have dreams!

More play..

2011-04-21T16:07:00.000-04:00

So yesterday i got my new toys and tested out the one, and today, Master had me test out another. A new dildo, and wow is it realistic, all its missing is the cum spurting from the end... although i have seen those online! i seem to be really sensitive to a lot of materials, so finding the right one is hard and have had to experiment with many (not totally a bad thing), the other problem i seem to have is judging the size of the dildos online..lol and i get them and think huh?!?
Anyways, Master wanted me to use the dildo tonight, so he had me go into my bedroom and fuck myself hard and fast with it until i needed to cum... that didn't take long at all, which surprised me. i asked for permission and he allowed me to cum, then quickly move into the hallway and do the same, fuck hard and fast until i came, then move to the bathroom, repeat, then onto the office and repeat, each time i cum a little harder. in the office, my Master made me hold off my orgasm a little then ordered me to cum then gush, which my cunt did happily, my muscles clenching making hard to drive the dildo in.
Knowing i get a thrill out of doing naughty things and in particular, naughty things to my husband that he isn't aware of, for the grande finale, my Master had me go back to the bedroom, this time, onto my husbands side of the bed. It has been some time since my husband has used me, so Master thought he might send him a little "subliminal message"... giggles, as well as satisfy my naughtiness. Master had me put one foot up on the bed, then fuck myself again with the dildo until i came very hard, then i was instructed to wipe the dildo off on my husbands pillow as well as dry my cunt on it, thereby leaving my scent on his pillow sending messages to his neanderthal brain that there was a cunt in need of use. Very clever if you ask me... grins. i wonder if he'll notice or just flip it over and go to sleep...lol
We shall find out tomorrow!

New toys

2011-04-20T14:22:00.001-04:00

Today i got my new toys in the mail, just like Christmas! i got a new remote egg, so tonight, Master wanted to try it out. i went and put the egg in then returned to the computer. Master had me turn it on and said we were going to test the settings. i started out at 1, which is a steady low vibration, felt nice but not too strong, then 2, a little stronger, 3 stronger yet, 4, is my favourite so far.... it pulses strongly. Master had me stay at that setting while we talked about my next meeting to be used and fucked. i could feel the pressure building as i used my muscles against the egg buzzing inside me. A few minutes later, Master said i had "that" look, my orgasm was fast approaching.
Finally after another 5 minutes of talking, my Master counted down from 5, then let me cum, i came fairly hard, but the orgasm wouldn't stop, it just kept going, riding the buzzing wave. Master then had me move through the other levels of vibration, but 4 was still the best. i continued to cum for several minutes till finally, i hit a setting that really did nothing in comparison. The orgasm slowly ebbed and Master said that was enough. He had me remove the egg, show it to him, then clean it...smiles. Licking it, i could taste my juices, my clit tingled again, but play time was over.
Master had to leave, but left me with permission to make myself cum in the shower, however i like. i'm thinking the shower head will be the tool for this job. So i'm off to end my day then get into the shower, i think sleep will come quickly tonight.

Monday Already...

2011-04-19T10:08:00.000-04:00

After a really really long weekend, Monday is upon me once again. i soon hope to begin enjoying my weekends, and not having to work through them. The weather is still pretty cold, can't wait for it to warm up finally!
Not too much to say today, except i'm soooo glad its a short week! Maybe i can finish up my stuff on the weekend with four days off, hopeful but doubtful...lol
Back to the grind for me!

BRB...

2011-04-14T13:38:00.000-04:00

Away for a few days, see you Monday!

Punishment Over

2011-04-13T11:39:00.000-04:00

As of today my punishment is over, i will begin blogging again tomorrow :)

to be continued....

2011-04-11T17:19:00.000-04:00

i have done wrong and am currently being punished, will resume blogging when allowed

A Day of Rest...ha!

2011-04-10T18:31:00.000-04:00

Well not much to write, or time to write it in. Been a really busy day and the weekend isn't over yet. Master is away but we have chatted when we can. Thank god for technology! My life has been turned upside down for the last few months, but with hard work on both my and my Master's part, it is slowly returning to normal. i can't wait for the day things are back where they were 6 months ago and things just slow down.
Until till then, like my Master says, just keep swimming, its all you can do.

Hmmm Friday...

2011-04-08T14:10:00.000-04:00

Today my Master and i talked and i said i wasn't sure what to write in my blog today, he said, why not dip back into the past a little more and talk about your training and changes you've made. Good idea i thought, but now staring at this page, its difficult for me to remember how it all began. It seems eons ago that i was this scared though defiant, un-confident girl. And so much of my training and changes crept up on me, its hard to keep it all straight, but i'll try.
When i first met my Master, i was "normal" looking, hair the same as it had been for as long as i can remember, my clothing such that i wasn't really noticed, rarely wore make up, wasn't really looking after myself health wise. You know the typical wall flower, there but hoping not to be noticed. But Master saw something else, he saw my potential. i can remember him telling me i was beautiful and i thought "what?!? me?? umm no". He let me away with my doubting for a while, then as time passed, i would be punished for making those remarks.
my Master started changing little things, like making me dress more appropriately in things that actually fit and didn't hide my figure. Then he decided it was time i stopped hiding behind my bangs, and let my hair grow. i really do have beautiful hair and Master loves to play with it. i was horrified really, growing the length wasn't an issue, but my bangs! i'd had them forever, sort of a security blanket i guess. i argued to no avail that my forehead was too big, my hair line too far back, whatever i thought might change his mind, but of course it didn't. As time went on and my bangs grew out, people saw the change and they didn't like it, making comments about how they were hiding my face and how much nicer it looked when they were shorter. i would just smile and push them out of the way, tuck them behind my ears or pin them back with a clip. i would fight with my hair on a daily basis trying to get these new bangs to cooperate until finally i just gave in and let them do what they would. Now my "bangs" are about shoulder length and my hair is pulled back off my face. The difference is striking, i look more like a woman, than the child i think i was holding onto. Master was right, of course... smiles, i do love the way my hair looks these days and everyone else just got used to it.
Now the changing of clothes was a bigger deal, i had always been heavy, except for a short time in my teens, so had worn clothes that hid my figure. With Master's gentle pushing, i began to buy clothes that fit and showed off my curves. i also started wearing dresses and skirts on a regular basis, which i never did. The looks i would get and comments about being "gussied up" were hard to take at first, and Master helped me to see that it was the fact that i was changing people didn't like. They are used to certain things and change upsets their world. Not that i am the first to jump at change, i hate it.. but that's for another day... smiles. These days, no one is too surprised to see me in a dress or a skirt and heels, and have gotten used to the way i dress and even when i do something a little drastic on occasion, like wear my corset on the outside of my clothes, they just glance and normally don't say anything...lol, i think they are still a bit shell shocked so am easing them into it.
Sometime during this, i asked Master to help me to lose weight, i had tried many times before and failed, but i thought with his help, i might actually make it this time. He asked me why i wanted to lose the weight, and i said because i have always been unhappy being fat. Ugh, wrong thing to say... to him, i have never been "fat" and if i was losing the weight to make him happy, there was no need for it, that being said along with a few strikes of the crop, i assured him it wasn't for him that it was for me, he agreed to help me with it. Since first meeting my Master, i have lost about 25 pounds, but still have a ways to go. For my Master, the only importance is that i am fit for fucking.... grins, meaning i can go for hours without being tired or lazy. i am after all for use and if i am too tired to be used, then what good am i? Over the last 3 years, my Master has sure put my fitness to the test and really, except for the first time, i think i have met his expectations, which makes me very happy.
Intermixed with the changes to my appearance and clothes, Master began changing my mindset and helping me to trust again, and with that trust came a deeper level of submission to him. When we first met, i wasn't really an orgasmic girl, i mean i could cum, but often took a lot and then that was it. The first mental trick Master taught me, was to make connections between my body and mind. He had me do an exercise, which he still uses on me now. It is, using your tongue on your upper lip, lick the little cleft there as you rub your clit and imagine your tongue on your clit as you do. Well, wow, was i surprised when i felt my cunt getting wetter and my clit throbbing and i found myself needing to cum very badly. Master would allow me to cum and i would cum harder than i thought i would. After a while of that training, he would have me play with my nipples while using my tongue on my lip and finger on my clit, thereby making a connection between clit and nipples. my clit would tingle and pulse till i was again near orgasm and begging for release. For a long time after that, i would find myself licking my lip at work, in the car, where ever i was, i could feel my clit tingle instantly and got a rush from "masturbating" in public and no one would even know... *grins and flicks her lip*
These connections between my nipples, clit and tongue grew stronger over time, to the point that now, if my clit tingles, my nipples are almost sure to tingle next. Where these connections have allowed me to go is amazing, slightly unbelievable, but real and true.
Have to get some work done, so i will likely write over the weekend what i have learned since those early days.

On Lock Down... smirks

2011-04-07T14:16:00.000-04:00

Since i am still locked up today, i thought i would write about that a little. Yesterday, at the end of our conversation, i was instructed by Master to lock up his cunt until further notice. Now a while back, Master had my labia pierced and has been patiently waiting for them to heal, which took longer than either of us thought, but well worth the wait. my rings are placed low on my labia so that when locked, it would be extremely difficult for a cock to penetrate me, and if it did, would likely really really hurt, if not damage me. Trying to explain the placement to the piercer was a tad difficult since most women have their labia pierced higher, he just wasn't getting it. So in the end, with my Master on the phone with me, i said something to the effect of, tricking my husband some time by locking the rings and he couldn't get in, to which i got a raised eyebrow, a smirk, then the piercer said, "well don't tell him I did it!" In the end, the rings are placed perfectly!
my Master gave me a little lock with a key, that i now carry with me all the time, and when he wants me locked, i must put the lock on immediately and put the key in a safe place. On the days i am locked up, i am allowed to wear panties, at least for now, so that it keeps the lock in position and it doesn't get tugged around by my pants. While it is on, i can feel the weight of it, its heavy enough when you are not used to feeling anything. But when it is on, it feels to me as if my Master's own hand is cupping my cunt keeping it closed, i feel completely owned and possessed by it, its a very comforting and exciting feeling
The rules surrounding my lock are as follows:
1 - When it is on, i am not for use
2 - i can not take it off without prior permission (standing permissions listed below)
   a) take it off at night
   b) take it off to shower or bathe
   c) take it off if it causes irritation
3 - i must message my Master and tell him when i have taken it off, and when i have put it back on
4 - when the lock is off, anyone can use me

Little side note for those of you really reading the list... no i can not take it off to wee... so takes me a little longer in the ladies room to make sure its all dried off, since i can't hold it out of the way when i wee, due to the position i must hold, and yes, i do fear one day i go to unlock it and it won't open because i've wee'd on it too much!...lol will be an interesting day!

Master will be away for the weekend and i will be busy away from home alot, so he was very good in reminding me of my rules so that i won't get myself into trouble. i have to admit, he is very good and patient with me in that respect, he is always reminding and cautioning me to think hard about all i do. Something i have trouble with.

So here i sit, locked up, and can't help but smile and feel a little naughty whenever i have to deal with someone and walk around, its a mixture of serving my Master and that "dirty little secret" thing that gives the clit that tingle and keeps this girl wet throughout the day.

A little more cam fun...

2011-04-06T14:20:00.000-04:00

This morning i log onto my phone and my Master messages me to say good morning. i reply with a good morning and description of what i am wearing today, pants, blouse, cardigan, socks, tall boots, hair pulled back and make up. Then my Master says let me know when you are at work. So i finish getting ready and send my son off to school, drive into work, get things gathered, then sit at my desk, log in and tell my Master i am at work. He asks how i am feeling today, and i'm feeling pretty good except my stomach is a bit uneasy for some reason, but otherwise fine. He then instructs me to go back on the cam site and my goal is to get 100 viewers doing whatever i can to entice them. i think OMG, how can i do that? i'm at work and am limited to what i can do... yes Master is my reply and i obediently get my cam set up and log in. My nerves are in over drive but i take a deep breath and just do it!
i unbutton my blouse so that it is open to just under my bra and begin watching the numbers climb slowly then recede, i type a little and talk to the few in the room, then i unbutton my blouse one more button and expose my bra covered chest to the cam... instant spike...lol i am up to now about 50 viewers. The comments start flying about how beautiful my breasts are and how big they are, i just laugh, because they aren't big at all, they are basically a C-, but the bra definitely helps. i watch the numbers going up and down and report in to my Master, and he says, you have to hit 100. So i pop a nipple out of the bra and start rolling it and playing with it. Within second, my viewers are now nearing 90 i'm almost there!! The comments coming in are all good comments, no idiots in the crowd today, but of course, you give a little, they want it all. They are asking to see my bottom and cunt, asking if i wear panties, to which i simply reply no panties for this girl, wow does that get them into a frenzy...lol
i stand and turn to let them see my bottom in my pants and again the comments start flying, i have to say though, i do love my bottom, i always have, its nice and round, a little large, but proportionate and not rock hard, but not droopy either...lol, one of my best assets i would have to say... pardon the pun...grins. After showing my bottom, clothed, now they want me to show them that i don't have panties on, by this time, i've gotten into it and don't really care, and am not really noticing the numbers so much either. So i stand up and undo the front of my pants and flash bare flesh where you would normally see the fabric of panties. Again, another feeding frenzy! They start asking if i shave or if i'm hairy, i reply, waxed clean... and yep, you guessed it, off they go again. i had to actually laugh at them. These men all hot and bothered ready to fuck anything are sitting there, some jerking off, others wanting to, watching me fully clothed. i peek up at the viewers and it is rapidly climbing from the 90's to just over 150!
Wow, i was shocked, so i continued playing with my nipples and breasts, then gathered named for MSN to play with when i am not at work. i have to admit, while at the beginning i was nervous, in the end i felt really good, and hmmm, sort of empowered, knowing that i could get most likely at least 100 out of those 150 men to fuck me if i wanted.
i reported back to my Master that it hit 150 viewers and he was very pleased to say the least. On his way home he had me masturbate thinking of those men standing in line waiting to fuck me, he would have each and every one of them either cum in or on me, one by one, the cum dripping off me, down my legs, completely covered in it, i was rubbing so fast and begged to cum, when he let me, i came very very hard, began to zone out actually, which is dangerous here at work, since someone came pretty close to catching me and i didn't notice them...lol After cumming several times for my Master, we began to discuss the point behind this little exercise he gives me.
Basically in a nut shell, various things in my past have caused me to have an extremely low self image. For the last 3 1/2 yrs, my Master has been working very hard to help me see that i am beautiful, desirable and fuckable. And yes, i have come a long way from when we first met, but in my head, i still think, of course my Master thinks i'm all that, he loves me, but other guys don't. And even with this cam training, i sit and hold my breath waiting for the nasty comments to fly. i'm not a model, i have given birth, gained and lost lots of weight, my body shows these things and i have to come to terms with it. It is who i am.....
my Master asked me, if it were a friend telling me about showing herself on cam with 150 viewers and one idiot made a nasty remark, what would i tell them. Of course, i would tell them, ignore them, its 1 out of 150. His comments mean nothing, he's an idiot, a stupid, weak, pathetic little man, sitting in a room all by him self, wanking to anything he can find. And in reality i "know" this in my mind, but its to get it to my heart is the problem.
When they are watching me, like there were today, and giving me such wonderful comments, i hear that nagging voice say, "well they wouldn't be saying that if they saw you naked"... or something of that effect.
In the end, i do have to admit i think i feel a bit of guilt, well, not sure guilt, but... my Master loves me for who i am and what i look like, why is it so important to me to get approval or reassurance from other men? Why do i need this confirmation? And will it ever be enough?
Well i'm off to finish up my work day, but not before my Master instructed me to put my lock on and stay locked until further notice.

Interesting Morning... grins

2011-04-05T14:18:00.000-04:00

This morning i decided to put on a dress, yes its still cold, but i thought, oh well, i'll brave it... 4 hours later and i think i regret that, i have been cold all morning! Master was away working so i wasn't sure i'd get to talk to him, so left him my usual morning greeting stating what i was wearing and whether or not i had pleasured. So today i am wearing a dress, bra, tights, high heels, hair pulled back and make up. i brought the corset with me to work again and put it on once here, still not used to wearing it to drive, and it impedes the movement, so until i am used to it again, i think its safer to just put it on once i'm here.
i had an interesting conversation with a really good friend of mine last night, we consider each other sisters really. She is currently unowned and in contact with many Doms, one such Dom recently used her and i was helping her to evaluate her feelings around it. There is no real connection between them, so its sort of confusing her. Basically, over time, she has somehow linked serving with trust. Now before i get jumped... i do agree there has to be a certain level of trust, basic trust to serve, in that you know you will not be harmed, mostly when you are meeting with this person alone. But, what i don't agree with is that in order to serve, you MUST trust that person. i pointed out to her that over the last few years, she has served several she didn't trust, but that wasn't the point behind serving. Its what she got out of it that mattered, that it fulfilled a need in her at that time, what ever that need may have been. To simply serve, is not always to submit. It is obeying, being courteous, dutiful, many things, but it isn't always about submitting. Do you submit because a Dom asked you for a glass of water and you did it?? hmm.. maybe...lol, i don't have all the answers, only what i feel and have learned.
She got the jist of what i was saying but i gave her a task...lol, yes, the Domme in me coming out a little. i asked her to write out what serving meant to her and what it entailed. Then to write out what submitting meant to her and what that also entailed and i think just by me pointing it out, she began to understand the difference. In order to give yourself to someone, yes you need trust, and a lot of it. i asked her where she had learned this thought, and she paused, and said, maybe its because i "want" someone to trust like that... smiles, i think she hit the nail on the head herself. i haven't had a chance to see if she did the task.. perhaps she is hoping for a punishment if she didn't...lol But will share the results, with her permission another day.

Anyways, getting back to my Master.... smiles... As luck would have it, he got out early and we chatted on the way home. He had a task for me, i was to get some ribbon, take off my tights, spread my legs as wide as i could, then tie a ribbon around each thigh, pulling it through the ring on each of my labia and tie it off... wow
As i began tying the first, i was quite nervous, as my Master pointed out, i did my little nervous "cough" thing. i could feel my level of vulnerability rising tenfold as i pulled the ribbon tight and my cunt was half exposed. The next ribbon was even worse, with both labia pulled back by the ribbon through the rings, my cunt was completely exposed, my clit had nowhere to hide! i could hear the grin on my Master's face as i explained how i felt. Before i tied the ribbons, my arousal level was aobut a 6, but as i tied the first ribbon, it had gone up to a 7, the mixture of excitement and fear definitely makes my cunt wet. my Master had me walk around a little and as i did, the lips of my labia rubbed on my clit, what an excellent result of the binding! He had me bend over and present my bottom for fucking and as i did, i could feel my clit hard and throbbing and the thought of needing a cock at that moment was quite prevalent. my Master laughed in delight at the predicament i was in then had me sit and begin masturbating, my cunt spread wide open, clit hard and exposed, my wetness visible. He had me stroke my clit then allowed me to cum, then cum and cum and cum, several times over, each orgasm increasing in intensity. With my eyes glued to the door, and trying my best to keep quiet, i listened carefully to his voice and i came over and over again till finally he told me to gush, and did i ever! With my cunt definitely wet at this point, my Master instructed me to fuck myself with 3 fingers, hard and fast, which i did and came a few more times like that. Then finally, my Master had me spank my clit, not hard enough to hurt, but just hard enough, and each spank sent a shock through me triggering yet more orgasms. my body was shaking by the time he said it was over, and all i could think was omg i hope noone comes in, i'm out of breath, my hands are shaking and my face is all flushed...lol
Afterwards, my Master had me take some pics of his cunt bound open and mail them to him. It was not an easy thing to do since i couldnt really bend over to get the cam far enough away with the corset on..lol, but i did it and sent them.
Now... what to do for the rest of the day!...lol

UGH... Monday

2011-04-04T17:24:00.000-04:00

So the weekend wasn't too bad, no rest though, headache is still here, can't wait till i can actually look forwards to weekends off. i am wearing my "fuck me" sweater, black leggings, bra, socks and black boots. i didn't put my corset on this morning as i wasn't feeling well at all, though i did pack it with me to put on this afternoon. i put it on this afternoon and wore it for nearly 2 hours, but my Master told me to take it off, as i was trying to work and was struggling with it a bit, due to getting used to wearing it again and the headache. i do love wearing it, its the one my Master bought for me, and when i have it on, its like i am in his arms, comforted and calm.
This morning, my Master had me look at a profile on fetlife, it was a Dom, but on it was a pic of his girl, a potential girl for my Master to use. She looks nice and useful and i'm sure my Master would enjoy using her. With our relationship what it is, regardless of where i was, i would be used by others and my Master would also use others, and i have no issue with that whatsoever. i do feel a pang of longing i suppose, wishing i was there instead of here when it happens, and i know my Master feels the same when it is me who is being used. i must admit though, i do feel more comfortable when it is likely he is going to use a girl that is owned, because i know like me when i am used, she will just be an object of pleasure for him in that instance. When it is an unowned girl that my Master either uses or may potentially use, i get a bit of a knot in my tummy, but not for the reasons most might think.
i am not jealous of my Master using another, just wish i could be there to join in or even just be there in the corner, wouldn't bother me at all, and i would really enjoy it. Nor am i worried i will be replaced, though that was a HUGE issue for me in the past, what i think bothers me the most, is that i know there is a connection, and for the girl, it is usually much stronger. She gets hooked on the Domination and often goes a bit loopy...lol
i know this is true, because i have seen it happen. But, while my Master has control of his feelings, the girl is like most of us, unable to control those feelings, and as time passes, it grows stronger.
Now i am only speaking from how i feel it would be, if i was uncollared and searching, but then again, maybe i'm way off, its been known to happen a time or two. i myself have yet to be used RL by a true Dominant male besides my Master, but for me, i am not looking for a Master, i have one, so my mindset going into it and leaving the situation is the same, i am there for his pleasure, to serve him as i have been instructed to, nothing more, nothing less. With that said, i do hope that my Master is able to find someone that he can use when he wants to and can really enjoy it, its an important part of our relationship and actually brings us closer together when it happens. Oh and having to be completely honest, it is MUCH easier if the girl he will use is not that attractive... i know shallow, but i can't help it, i really am an awful girl at times.
Anyways... moving on, after that, my Master had me go on a site that streams my video live and others can view it. Now because i am at work, i'm very limited in what i can do or show. i have been on this site several times before but it has been a long time. i was very nervous as i know there is always at least one idiot lurking in the corners. No i do not have a barbie doll figure, and actually, i don't want it. Yes i am larger than i want to be, but i never want to lose my curves! Besides, if i lose my bottom, my Master will first whip me, then make me get it back...lol The cam for the site was set on my desk and pointed to my chest only, no face shots... grins... but i had to laugh because the cam made my breasts look huge, which they aren't...lol, but oh well. There were about 60 men on my cam and my Master had me show them my breasts, to which i got many compliments, and i also stood up for them and turned around. That was about all i could do while here at work, so playing on cam will have to wait for another day. i never know what to say to these guys really, i am supposed to talk to them and tease them, but i get all shy and sort of just sit there.
my Master wants me to get used to being on cam again, because he likes to display me because he is proud of me. It makes me feel proud to be his, but i have never liked a lot of attention, so i have to get used to it.
my day is coming to an end, well, work day that is, thankfully, maybe tonight i'll get a really god rest and wake up headache free!!

Not a total write-off..

2011-04-04T10:22:00.001-04:00

So last night i had a task, well an either/or task. As it turned out, my husband didn't come home in time, so out came the toy! i played for about 30 minutes in total, i came 4 times, the first time was fast and hard, it seemed to take ages for the next to hit, but when it did, i came even harder, the same happened with the last 2 orgasm, each progressively harder. When i told my Master about it, i had to laugh because i said it took a long time for the second orgasm to hit, then i realized that in 30 minutes i had 4 really hard orgasms. Most women are lucky to have that in a week...lol my Master laughed too and said you are such a spoiled girl that you think 4 orgasm in 30 minutes took too long!
my headache has come back today, so i have been ordered to bed early with no sex, only pleasuring, i do hope i get a good sleep, going to be a long week i think.

Busy day... busy night??

2011-04-03T14:32:00.000-04:00

So today was a long and very busy day, i won't bother going into the particulars since they really aren't that interesting. Needless to say, its late and i'm tired, so i'll have to save Part 2 of Head in the Clouds for another day.. smiles
A friend of my husbands is visiting and i have had instructions to flirt with him, well i have been able to flirt with him a little, but my husband was pretty close by, so it was just the basics of playing with my hair, making sure my arm is positioned so that my breasts were pushed up and out, moving my fingers down my cleavage, things like that. My Master also gave me permission to suck him or be fucked by him if he wanted to. That opportunity didn't arise, so i wait to see what happens tonight.
Tonight though, could well be interesting, well actually, one way or another it should be. My Master has given me a task for tonight with a backup in case the first falls through. Tonight, since my husband has been pretty good towards me lately, he is being rewarded with me fucking him really good tonight. i am to dress as specified by my Master and be used from behind. But, since my husband is out and may be back too late for that to happen, my Master has given me an alternative. My husband bought a toy for me a long time ago, but has never had the guts to actually pull it out for me to use, and has just let it sit in a box in the closet for months, he told me it was there, but then made excuses as to why he never brought it out. So... tonight, if it gets too late and i know he won't be back in time, i am to pull it out and use it, cumming 4 times, then when done with it, leave it out so that my husband knows i've used it. The point behind it, is to show him that i am not hiding anything anymore and he'll just have to deal with it.

Head in the Clouds... Part 1

2011-04-02T20:34:00.000-04:00

Well this morning didn't start out so well, woke with a killer migraine so am just plugging along to get through the day. Since concentration isn't high on my list of functions today, i'll pass my time thinking back to the first time i met with my Master.
We had been together for about 5 months when the chance to see each other came about. It was all planned out and things came together. We spoke often about things that would happen, what i was to pack and how i was expected to greet him for the first time. As the days up to the meeting passed, my excitement and anxiety rose. He had seen me several times via internet chat, but i always feared that meeting him in person would be different, and i lacked the confidence in myself to be able to perform and act as expected. Having a very low self image, i was terrified that once he saw me in person, that he may change his mind about me. Yes again, he has seen me on cam, but sometimes cam can hide things, like a ripple here and there, a few stretch marks from carrying my son, things like that. i know i'm not the first girl to have a low self image, but when its happening to you, its the worst thing in the world. You some how seem to not see the same flaws in others as you have, in that instance, we are our own worst enemy.
Anyways, the day came to leave and i was terrified. i boarded the plan with a friend of mine, she knew exactly what was going on and was very happy for me. She talked to me to help me calm and the drink on the second flight helped a bit...lol We landed and were headed to the hotel where as it was planned, i would meet my Master the following day, because we were getting in late. i phoned my Master to tell him we were on our way and he said plans have changed, i think my heart stopped for a moment, of course thinking the worst. But it was for the better. The plan now was for me to get to the hotel and prepare myself, our friends would meet and go out to a bar together, to give us time alone. i was so excited, but then again the fear reared its ugly head.
We got to the hotel, unpacked and my friend got ready to leave. My hands shaking i prepared myself as i had been instructed to. i showered quickly to freshen up from the long day, put on my corset, collar and cuffs, laid out the items i was told to, unlocked the door, and got onto the bed on all fours, facing away from the door and waited. i was concentrating on controling my breathing and my entire body was shaking, my eyes shut tight, i could hear every sound, though barely over the sound of my heart pounding in my head. Then i heard it... the key in the door and i took one final deep breath, letting it out slowly, i was ready....
As luck would have it, the stupid key card for the door didn't work! So i had to get off the bed, open the door just enough, then reposition myself.... talk about an ice breaker...lol Master stood outside the door for a few minutes, just long enough to let my nerves work themselves back up again. Then i heard him open the door and walk in. As instructed, i kept my eyes closed tight, slowed my breathing and hoped he couldn't see my body shaking, though i think the bed was moving...lol
Master then slowly walked around the bed, his face was an inch from my ear, his breath hot against it, he blew softly, then i felt his breath against my shoulder, working his way around my body, his hot breath causing goose bumps to rise on my flesh. During this time he spoke not a word, nor did he touch me, my body was screaming to be touched, my mind a whirlwind of emotions, a constant struggle to keep my composure and do as i had been instructed.
Finally, after what seemed hours, i felt a heat near my lips, eyes still closed, i wasn't sure what it was, then a scent filled my nose and my heart lept, it was the sweet scent of precum, his cock was only a breath away from my lips, then contact! My heart leapt to finally feel my Master against my skin, i heard a moan escape from my lips as he ran the tip of his cum soaked cock around my lips, coating them. i resisted the urge to lick my lips, as i was told i was not allowed, but i wanted to taste him so much!! Then he ordered me to open both my eyes and my mouth, opening both quickly, i looked up semi smiling to my Master, he too was smiling down to me as he put his cock into my mouth, i was so eager to suck him. Then came the hardest words i've heard "No sucking pleasure, just hold still" my stomach jerked and i thought, omg, how can i not! i have waited months for this and its finally here and i can't!
Instantly i could feel the heat of his cock in my mouth, my mouth watering, the naughty girl in me took over after only a few seconds when i felt a drop of his precum fall on my tongue and that was it, i closed my lips around his cock and began to suck for all i was worth! An instant after i began to suck, i felt a sharp blow on my bottom, my Master had spanked me, for an instant i froze, then i continued, it was beyond me to stop, i just couldn't! My Master spanked me harder and harder, my bottom stinging and hot, his cock hard and seeping precum, what a dilemma i was in. Finally, i couldn't take the spanks any more and i feared that with the strength of them, i might just bite down on my Master's cock and that would be worse than anything, i reluctantly stopped sucking. All this happened in about 30 or 40 seconds, but felt much longer, i knelt there looking sheepish at what i had just done, and i looked up to my Master, he was smiling, he knew i couldn't resist and though i was in trouble, he couldn't help but smile at his greedy girl.

A Day In the Life of.....

2011-03-31T16:17:00.000-04:00

Around 6am, my little one wakes me up with a "mum, is it time to get up yet?" and trying not to grumble, i say yes, i suppose it is and send him out to the kitchen so that i may "get up". The door closes and i roll onto my back and gently stroke my clit for as long as i am able, without interruption, bring myself near orgasm, then stop, this is a routine i repeat at bedtime as well, Master calls it my "pleasuring" time. Reluctantly i get up passing by the kitchen on my way to the bathroom wishing i was still in bed, glance in, see my husband getting ready for work and smile to him while stifling a shudder... another day begins...
As i go for my morning wee, i position myself correctly as ordered by my Master, legs open as far as is possible, hands behind my head, back arched, then wee hard and fast... the trick i have learned though, is that you have to lean forwards slightly, or the powerful stream will slip through the crack between the seat and the bowl, then you have to clean up a mess..lol. Wiping myself dry i feel the rings on my labia tug a little, another reminder of my ownership, a smile crosses my face and my day has already brightened a bit.
Now depending on the previous nights instructions, my shower may or may not include an orgasm, for which i will generally use the shower head... giggles, and most men wonder why we want it removable and have different settings, its a wonder some of us ever get out of the shower!
Next comes dressing for the day. Since it is still cold outside my wardrobe is slightly limited, but still workable. i browse through my closet, though i already know what is in it but thinking that magically something new has appeared, i spy my favourite sweater, a longish purple one that my Master bought for me once when we were together. i can't help but smile as it reminds me of my Master using me in that sweater and him deciding that was my "fuck me" sweater...lol. To go with it, i choose a pair of black leggings, then socks, bra and corset. No knickers for this girl, most of the time... smiles. i finish dressing and place my "reminder item" into my bra, semi dry my long hair, take a look into the mirror, loving how my curves are accentuated by the corset. i take a deep breath and emerge from the bedroom feeling ready to tackle the day.
i set about getting my son ready and off to school, finish my hair, put on a little make up then set off to work.
Getting to work i set out what has to be done for the day, then log on and either speak with my Master, or leave him a message as to what i have done and am wearing. Through out the rest of my day, my Master and i chat off and on as we can, while doing our work and dealing with matters. Some days are much better than others. With the work day over, i return home, retrieving my son from the sitters, then hoping my husband is working late, i get home prepare the meal, play with my son, and then relax for a while spending time with my Master.
During our evening conversations, my Master often gives me tasks for that evening or the following morning and i add it to my "to-do" list to ensure i don't forget. As the evening progresses we say our good nights, i get my son ready for bed, tucking him in and reading him a story. Then often drawing myself a bath, i lay in the warm water letting memories flood my mind and time slip away. i get ready for bed, lay on my pillow, then begin my nightly routine of pleasuring, often doing so till i drift off to sleep.

Introduction

2011-03-30T16:07:00.001-04:00

Well, not sure exactly where to begin, so i suppose i'll just start.

my name is Pleasure, yes, an odd name, but it is my slave name, as named by my Master. i have been with my Master for a little over 3 years now and how my life has changed. i stumbled upon BDSM by happen-stance and when i found it, things in my life began to make sense to me, the way i had behaved and i began to understand what i truly wanted and needed out of life. i am 35, living in Canada, married with a child, and no, not married to my Master. my husband is quite vanilla though i think likes kink, a topic i'm likely to get into in another blog, but he is oblivious to my submissive nature, though he knows i do have an interest in BDSM and have shown him my Domme side. Yes i am submissive to the core and a slave to my Master, but in the time together, we have discovered i also have a Dominant side to me that likes to rear its head now and again.
For those of you reading this that are unfamiliar with the lifestyle, you may find it interesting and or revolting at times, but what you must understand is that yes while i have chosen this lifestyle, it is more than that. It's what i NEED. i need to be controlled and understood and loved, no matter what or how horrible the things i may have done in the past. i need someone who will nurture me, guide me, love me, punish me when the need arises. i need to be able to be myself, without fear of being judged. i NEED to be owned. i was fortunate enough to have found my Master, and he does all of this for me, while asking only one thing of me... 100%. Easy enough... i thought...lol
Anyways, for those of you in the lifestyle or not, i hope you will enjoy reading about my journey thus far, i have thought that perhaps my blog should be called "The Diary of the Submissive Closet Slut"...lol seems fitting really, once you get to know me a little.
This blog is a task set to me by my Master, it is here for a few reasons, but most importantly, it is a record of me, Pleasure, of who and what i am.
As i sit here writing this, i am wearing clothing that my Master has approved, and this is done on a daily basis. Because of the cold weather, my Master allows me to wear pants, but soon with the warm weather, pants will only be permitted for certain reasons. i am wearing slacks, camisole, cardigan, bra, knickers (again only on occasion, normally not allowed any) , and my corset. The corset i am wearing is a custom steel boned waist training corset that my Master bought for me. It has been a while since i've warn it but am getting back into it, love the feeling of it on, but will take a little while to be able to wear it all day again.
smiles... well, it seems i have rambled on for a while. i would enjoy reading any comments you may have and also if you have questions, i am sure my Master and i can and will respond to them.